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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reconciled and he has broken trust- Aibu to kick him out?

16 replies

Cookieandcream2 · 26/04/2023 19:50

I feel so stupid. I decided to reconcile with my ex dh (he cheated one night stand May 2021). Things haven’t gone the way I hoped, I’ve tried to make things work we have had some nice moments but on the whole he seems like he has gone back to how he was before- still going out drinking when I asked him not too (bad decisions when drunk) he hasn’t been helping with the house and sleeps on the sofa a lot.

last night he went out last minute- drinking. He came back 3am. Shortly after getting in an alert came up on his iPad next to me. He had set up an online dating profile! I can not believe it. It took a lot for me to let him back in, I had spent 18 months trying to rebuild my life after he cheated and now this. He says it isn’t cheating but how can it not be as he set up a profile to meet other people?

I feel gutted but I can’t live like this and my worse thing I was worried about was having him back then having to tell the kids he was leaving again. Aibu to do this??

OP posts:
LiliLil · 26/04/2023 19:51

What a prick.

Get him out, and never go back.

Its sad the children are involved in this but they will adapt, he hasn’t changed and he never will.

dietcokelime · 26/04/2023 19:51

Telling the kids he's leaving again will be less damaging long term than them watching you two model an unhappy relationship - do what you need to do to be secure, happy and strong for your family.

growgrowinggrown · 26/04/2023 19:52

Well you know you were daft to take him back, and will be even dafter to let him stay this time around.

You already know what you need to do, so dig deep find the strength and fuck him off for good this time.

TomatoSandwiches · 26/04/2023 19:52

He has no respect for you, kick him out and don't spare the thought of reconciliation with him ever again.

YetAnotherUser · 26/04/2023 19:55

You tried to reconcile, it didn't work, time to draw a line under your relationship and move forward without him as a partner.

Original poster
Cookieandcream2 · 26/04/2023 21:22

You are right I need to dig deep and get rid of him. I’m so annoyed at myself for letting him back in, I should have known he wouldn’t change

OP posts:
Corastiredmummy · 26/04/2023 21:53

He is a scum bag. He was obviously raised a scum bag and he will be a scum bag until he dies. Get the F rid of him and show your children you have respect for yourself.
Believe me, I know from the bottom of my heart how hard it is to let go but I would rather be alone than feel constantly on edge, second best and humiliated.
And take him for a whatever you possibly can too, dick heads like him deserve to be done over. He sounds like a disgusting narcissistic gas lighting pig. Yuck 🤮

Catsmere · 26/04/2023 23:45

Get rid of him. He’s show you what he is twice now.

AtrociousCircumstance · 26/04/2023 23:47

Get him out now. And never let the prick back in.

OlympicProcrastinator · 27/04/2023 02:28

When I man doesn’t respect you enough to not cheat in the first place, you do not receive more respect by letting them back, you just lose even more.

Men who cheat on their partners always do it again. Sometimes they just get better at hiding it. In your case, he’s barely even trying to do that. He thinks he can tell you and old shite and you’ll keep him around.

Time to respect yourself more and kick him out for good.

Whatsthefrequencykenny · 27/04/2023 02:54

I don’t even really understand these posts. He has cheated and has an online dating profile and in your mind, you can’t decide if that is reasonable or not? Unless you have an open marriage, what makes it reasonable?

I mean you can stay with whoever you want and if a no trust marriage with someone is is dating other people feels reasonable to you, then stay.

PerryMenno · 27/04/2023 03:11

When I man doesn’t respect you enough to not cheat in the first place, you do not receive more respect by letting them back, you just lose even more.

I think this is true. Of course we can't see inside the heads of these losers but I doubt they're thinking 'Wow, what a strong and loyal woman she is to take me back, I am very grateful to have her love'. More likely 'Phew, got away with it, need to be more careful in future.'

REignbow · 27/04/2023 03:42

He is clearly telling you who he is and what he wants.

He wants the life of a single man but wants you to wash his pants, cook, clean and look after his children….just like his mother!

Rip off the plaster and tell him to go.

Set yourself free

mathanxiety · 27/04/2023 04:49

YANBU

He isn't invested in your relationship at all.

Don't let him back again.

Get yourself STD tested.

Murdoch1949 · 27/04/2023 05:03

Don't beat yourself up about giving him a second chance, you've got children together. It's him who has messed up. Chuck him out and get sorted regarding divorce etc.

pinkfondu · 27/04/2023 05:50

Don't be annoyed. You gave it another go and he has blown it.

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