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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have 83 year old babysit for from morning to lunchtime?

84 replies

Bloopsie · 26/04/2023 19:46

Hello all, MIL is happy to babysit 9,7,5 and a 2 year old for half a day when I an at the hospital and my husband would come along. She is mentally well,physucally quite fit minus arthritis but very active goes 3x a week to social club,carries her own shopping home,dosent use any walking aids etc. Is this fine plan or should we be looking to hire a child
minder?

OP posts:
FTMbg · 26/04/2023 20:10

Personally I wouldn't expect someone in their 80s to change nappies/wipe bottom of a 2yo, unless they are already used to doing it. it can be quite a manoeuvre just getting down to floor level and quite a wrestle if the toddler decides to play up. Also similar if there are any hazards that child may need to be picked up and removed from.

UndercoverCop · 26/04/2023 20:12

@FTMbg how do you know the two year old is in nappies and why would you change one on the floor? DS was out of nappies reliably dry day and night at that age and we only ever used a changing unit.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 26/04/2023 20:12

If she’s happy to do it, and you (who presumably know her well) know that she’s physically in good health, I think it’s fine for half a day.

Very kind of her to offer at that age though.

Original poster
Bloopsie · 26/04/2023 20:15

Yes our house, child proofed, we would leave clothes in hand for the youngest,pullups and stash of wet wipes ,snacks and drinks too and some new toys to hopefully keep them busy.

:) her character and energy for her age is something, she is looking forward to her 3 week annual holiday in the sun,on the beach dancing,dining etc with people half her age.

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 26/04/2023 20:15

I would.

Lots of very capable 83 year olds around. Prue Leith is 83!!!!!

Okunevo · 26/04/2023 20:15

Depends on the children. Can the 5 year old occupy themselves and do the older ones help with the two year old? If so, it may actually be easier than just two younger children. A 7 or 9 year old may only need someone in the house, no active babysitting.

Anonymous48 · 26/04/2023 20:16

If you and she are both confident that she would be able to handle it, then I don't see any problem!

Summerscoming23 · 26/04/2023 20:17

I think it would be fine. Really it's half a day,let any screen time rules go and they won't realise you're gone !

SingAlongAndItMightJustGetYouThrough · 26/04/2023 20:18

It's a couple of hours, it's fine.

NoraLuka · 26/04/2023 20:20

It depends on the children and the 83 year old but why not if MIL is ok with it? I don’t think I’d be ok with someone that age taking 4 DC out anywhere but if they’re staying at home and the DC will be sensible it should be fine.

FavouriteDogMug · 26/04/2023 20:31

It's really ageist to assume she couldn't do it based simply on her age. You know her and your dc the best and if you think she would be capable and she is happy to do it then there's no reason not to.

Highdaysandholidays1 · 26/04/2023 20:34

My granny was one of those people who was 'amazing' for her age, she took mine out in her early eighties, played with them, took them to the park and so on. One time I came back though and my two were being silly and she was just overwhelmed by them and I saw clearly that she couldn't wrangle them in the same way as with her four children and eight grandchildren. It was too much. I always went with her on any other trips to the park.

I think this would be fine for a few hours, just at home, not going out. I think it's easy when people are active to imagine it's easy therefore to care for kids, but four kids is a lot and if they play up a bit or start crying or just be kids, then I think it can test what's ok at that age, as can chasing after errant kids in the park and so on.

One off though, no other options, I'd stick the TV on, provide treats, and leave them no problems.

ButterCrackers · 26/04/2023 20:35

She sounds fine to babysit the kids. Tell them to be on their best behaviour and help their gran. They could all do drawings for her.

UmbilicusSuperficialis · 26/04/2023 20:38

You’ve told us about your MiL, but not about your kids as surely that’s a big factor two. There is no way I would leave my terrors for that long with an elderly grandparent 😐

Luredbyapomegranate · 26/04/2023 20:40

Unless your kids are very physically hard to manage then sounds fine.

SouthLondonMum22 · 26/04/2023 20:40

As a one off I think it's fine. Especially since it isn't all day and she is happy to do it.

Highdaysandholidays1 · 26/04/2023 20:40

I don't believe it to be ageist to raise age as an issue for caring for children, I am disabled and I can't run after little kids, so it would be risky for me to take a child I don't know well out to the park or multiple kids that could run in different directions. Age makes us move a bit slower, harder to look around, that's why the driving test is reapplied for every three years over 70.

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 26/04/2023 20:41

If she's up for it, it's fine but I'd probably feel bad dumping her with 4 kids.

thebaneofmylifeisacat · 26/04/2023 20:42

Mumsnet is insane over age

50 is too old on some threads.

We stopped as kids with my gran and she was in her 90s and well sharp.

Hire babysitters?? 😂😂😂😂😂

On joe Biden of course he's too old to lead the free world 70% of Americans think so but he could probably babysit

NurseFlorence · 26/04/2023 20:49

My gran is 83 and regularly looks after my DC (10 and 1).. I think it definitely depends on the individual! :)

FairFuming · 26/04/2023 20:51

My 82 year old neighbour occasionally pops up at the fence and offers to take my kids to the local park, they all have a great time. She's also offered to have them when I'm working if I'm struggling but I've never had to take her up on that although I'm fairly sure she would cope. Mine are 4 and 6

Aweebitpainful · 26/04/2023 20:58

Sounds like she will be fine OP

KarmaStar · 26/04/2023 21:00

Too much.obviously I don't know her but although she's comfortable with what she can do,she has maybe forgotten how much work young dc are and despite saying she's happy to do it,surely as the parent's you must realise it's too much.
If you really can't go to hospital alone or with someone else then I would definitely get a child minder.your appointment could well overrun whilst she is click watching.
A bit selfish of you to do this imho.

KarmaStar · 26/04/2023 21:00

Clock not click!

Clymene · 26/04/2023 21:02

Absolutely fine. If she's fit and healthy and happy to do it, why not.