Hi all, just wondering if AIBU. The below example is just the most recent one but it is the behaviour itself that really bothers me.
Last night I was packing the dishwasher and noticed a specific utensil that would benefit from going in the dishwasher. To clarify, it is a specific spoon used for the coffee beans. I loaded the dishwasher with our plates and realised that it is almost empty which meant we would run it the next day, once it got full. DH makes us coffee in the morning and uses it religiously, so I called him and explained that I am gonna put it in the dishwasher and asked him to use any of the other spoons for making coffee the following morning as the dishwasher wouldn't be done at that point. He said ok.
I had a look this morning and realised that he took it out of the dishwasher and washed it by hand instead. The washing itself doesn't bother me, it's washed doesn't matter, it is the fact that I took the time to say to him hey, this is what I am doing, please use any other utensils and he has done the exact opposite of what I asked. When I brought it up, he said it doesn't matter, he washed it so there is no reason for me to bring it up or have an arguement as nobody would have a problem as it is a spoon. This is not what I am upset about. I am upset about the fact that I mentioned it to him in advance and he raised no issues whatsoever. I asked him and he said he made his own decisions as he is a grown up man and that he does not remember the part where I told him to leave it in for a proper clean and that he thought it would be fine to just take it out. I explained that it did matter as I asked - can we leave it in please and he did not object to it or communicate that my idea was wrong.
This is a thing that happens quite often and please note I do realise it is over trivial matters so it's not as if he goes and makes big decisions that concerns both without communicating.
But when I do mention, hey I am going to do this, please can you do this while I sort it out and he goes and does the opposite of what I asked or mentioned it drives me insane. Again, they are mostly over trivial matters around the house. We spoke about this before and he keeps saying he is making his own decisions which is obviously fine but I wish he would tell me then and there - Hey no, I disagree, let's do it this way instead. He just says yes, absolutely fine and then the opposite happens. I brought it up and asked to please communicate, but it doesn't happen and he keeps saying he did not hear the part where I asked him the specific thing or in that specific moment he thought it would be better done in a different way.
We spoke about this quite a few times and it really, really gets to me. I explained this too and he is saying it doesn't matter because it is a small thing and nobody would ever have a problem with it, just me.
Please AIBU? thank you for reading