To ask my student's Mum to turn off the TV during our lessons in the living room?

[curiousllama]

I've known this family for a long time now (6 years) and get on really well with them. Since they moved house about two years ago, I've been tutoring their two children in their open plan living room with the lesson at the dining table, while the Mum watches TV (usually the news, which is depressing...)

I've tried to be easygoing about it by asking to turn the volume down when it gets especially loud and when the children look either distracted or can't focus because of what's on the screen...but having spoken to a few people that I know I've realised that I should probably actually say something.

Last lesson their grandma was around from abroad (she's staying for a while and she mostly just watches TV on the couch) and she was watching a film with the Mum, which was violent and quite loud. I politely asked to turn the volume down, and so did their children, and the Mum would turn it down by 1 each time, which was really frustrating as it would make no difference.

I would have thought that, at the minimum, you would want to give your child a good environment to study in, and especially given that they want their kids to get good grades/sit the 11+ having the TV on every lesson cannot be conducive or setting a great example... I feel particularly awkward about asking now because the grandma is around and she probably doesn't have much to do. Or sometimes the Mum just plays YouTube Shorts on her iPad without earphones

Wow. How could she not volunteer to turn the tv off completely of her kids are asking? I would say the TV needs to be off. So bizarre

RUDE!

I’d make it clear that I couldn’t work in that environment. Which may be difficult if you need the money.

Depends on how much she wants her kids to have the tutoring…

I think you'll need to say you want the TV off or use headphones. Having TV on during tutoring is ridiculous

Unless they live in remarkably cramped conditions (which seems unlikely) you must insist on doing the tutoring in another room.

I imagine the last two years of tuition have been largely wasted!

I feel hesitant to say anything because the students seem to be ok when it's not too loud but also it's irking me out of principle.

I can't believe you've put up with it for so long actually.

They have to provide a quiet environment for you to work in. There's no point in you being there otherwise. They shouldn't be chatting or watching TV or anything without headphones.

Next time you’re there .. ‘I wondered if you’d be willing to turn the tv off while we study, it will increase focus’

You are quite right. I had a tutor for my DS at one point and I used to leave the room and go somewherer else in the house. One day I left the TV on by mistake and she asked for it to be turned off.

I am a bit surprised the mum doesn't do this anyway.

Is there a possibility that this is a cultural difference?

My husband in laws and friends from his culture have a very different view of what acceptable background noise is. And very different expectations about privacy.

It may not be intentional rudeness and they may not have had any idea this was considered a disturbance.

I'd be direct and explicit about what you need to happen.

This is unbelievably ridiculous. You need to insist that to get the best from the session the room needs to be silent - they're probably wasting their money otherwise.

Why don't they just go and sit in the kitchen? Or the bedroom?

They're being totally bizarre.

They're being really weird.

It's not just about whether the students can concentrate. It's about you - why should you be expected to work in a noisy environment?

Bloody hell, I have a tutor for my child, and me and my other child go upstairs and sit in our rooms quietly for the session!
Totally unacceptable!

Or else suggest they use headphones.

Just make it very simple - you need a quiet environment to tutor. Tv is off, headphones or separate room. Don't get into 'could you possibly...' 'it would help...' Just be clear. Possibly cultural - in the UK our majority culture is that it's ride to ask for your needs directly, so therefore the people around you are supposed to monitor what you need and provide it without you having to ask (and you're then supposed to pretend you're surprised and delighted they are doing this 'spontaneously'). Not all cultures are like this.

My son has online school and tutors at home. I even turn the washing machine off so they're never disturbed.
Just tell her you need quiet and no distractions.
Isn't there anything in your contract about working environment?

I wouldn’t work somewhere where my input was not respected. Poor kids.

The fact the most recent lesson the kids were obviously distracted, gives you the excuse.
"In future, I'd really appreciate the TV being off. Turning the volume down is not enough"

I tutor and also teach music and this happens so often that I've now included information about this in the pack they get at the beginning of their lessons. You'd think people wouldn't need to be told to switch a TV or radio off if someone is trying to learn English with a tutor, or not to have music blaring when a child is playing an instrument, or not to have younger children running around howling, but they do need to be told asked politely to ensure a quiet environment for both the lessons and when the child is practising their instrument.
Have a chat with the mother and say that they need to have minimal background noise as it's distracting them, so that means no TV - and yeah, you'll have to spell it out.