To block adult ex-stepchild for now

[pariahcarey]

I am going through a horrendous divorce from a very abusive narcissist. He has no contact with my quite little children. He also had a previous marriage with one child, who is now a grown up with serious antisocial personality problems— no job, frequent mental health inpatient stays and so on. My ex was alienated from her and so my children have only met her a handful of times.

Suddenly she is sending me lots of messages insisting I facilitate a relationship between her and my children. The messages are intense and actually quite intimidating in their persistence. My children (and I) have been through a lot and I am keeping us safe as a unit, working very hard. I do not want to let in this person at the moment. It would at best be confusing and at worst be slightly dangerous. I was previously friendly-ish as I felt pity for what she’d been through with her dad. But as the situation has developed I just feel protective of my kids. We are slowly doing ok.

AIBU to ignore/block my ex’s alienated adult child? She is mid twenties. And does anyone have any advice?

If she is the children’s half-sibling, she can have a relationship with them via their shared parent, ie her dad. Not you. Tell her to fuck off, and block her. She has no rights whatsoever here, and you definitely do not have to facilitate their relationship.

If you have only met her a couple of times yourself, and she is estranged from your ex, has she actually met your children or have any kind of relationship with them?

Your OP mentions that your ex is a narcissist. Is it possible that he is manipulating her, using her as a “flying monkey”?
I have some personal experience with family court & CAFCASS. One of ways a narcissistic ex can try to make you look like an “alienating” parent is to claim you have cut your children off from their half-siblings and are denying them the right to a relationship with them.
Just be aware that narcissists play the long game and he could be laying traps for further down the line.
Definitely protect your kids, and blocking might be necessary right now, but word your messages carefully so you can evidence that you have left the door of communication open further down the line. And keep her unreasonable messages as evidence.

Since she is violent you have a responsibility to safeguard your children. Period.

And I should add, no you absolutely do not have to facilitate a relationship if you have concerns. And you have every right to block harassing behaviour. Just keep receipts, you may need them further down the line.

I Wonder if her dad is using her to get to you, and she is playing along for the attention?

Thank you all, I feel much better about my hunch now

yes it is difficult for her, no it is not your problem. Concentrate on caring for your own children right now, If they want contact with their half sister when they are adult themselves, then support them with that then..

Here and now, just tell you ex SD that you need time a space to settle the children down, and they may be in touch in the future.

Then block

Stop being nice about it
Tell her things didnt work out between you and her dad. And that you are now closing that door. The door to him and to her. And that it's time to move on and no more contact going forward.

Await her reply. Screenshot it(never know when youll need it) then block her on all social media platforms and phone

make sure to be crystal clear. Leave no guess work or vagueness. Make her understand you have no desire staying in contact. End of

I think it's really sad. Perhaps she is just deperately worried she will lose her family through her Dad's divorce. Which they are, even though "only" half siblings.

She's met the OP and the children a handful of times by the sounds of it. She's not close to them. She has her mum and her dad. She's hardly bereft of her close family in this situation.

Thanks, this helped enormously. And maybe it'll help anyone in the same situation who finds this thread.