Considering jeopardising co workers jobs over clique behaviour

[FroggoDoggos]

I work in a very boring office job, not where I expected to be in life at 42 but it pays well and not too taxing. DH has his dream job, just been promoted, and has a great social life. I've been noticing recently that most of the people I view as friends are really just his friends, and I've been trying to connect with the people I work with a bit more. However, there is a very cliquey culture where I work and one group in particular has recently been making my life hell ever since I made it clear I was looking for a casual friend group to hang out with after work. This group have mocked me for taking my lunch breaks alone, spread rumours about me and frequently stolen my personal possessions 'as a joke'. I mean really, it's like being back at school. I can't believe fully grown women would act like this. Last week, my boss told me I would be promoted to a managerial role very soon. I don't know what to do as this would make me their superior (giving me the chance to delegate worst assignments to them, call them up for review or even fire them if it gets any worse). However, DH refuses to see my side on it, saying that it would constitute bullying and that they'll probably get bored eventually anyway and ease up a bit. What should I do?!

Are you saying you are planning to sack people for their workplace bullying? Just don’t even go there. Involve HR, involve your boss, just don’t start a one woman campaign.

There's a lot going on here. I think you should separate out the issues. Take the promotion, behave professionally at all times in work, and seek new friendships outside of work by taking up a new hobby.

If managing them, I think you need to rise above it and be scrupulously fair - not get revenge by giving them the worst work.

However it does sound like bullying behaviour at the moment. Do you have an HR department you can have a chat to? Maybe it's better that there is some sort of warning issued now, rather than when you might be perceived to be exerting your newfound power. And I think if it continues, you are better to log things and take to HR (or failing that, a senior colleague) to deal with rather than deal with it yourself. I doubt that you really have the power to fire them, anyway.

You should probably consider tailoring your interview intentions to including an action plan for dealing with this playground culture

It isn’t easy to fire someone in the UK so get that out of your head for a start.

If you are considering treating them badly and giving them the worst jobs on every occasion because of a personal grudge then you will find yourself hauled to HR and fired to bullying. You’re not ready to be a manager if you will make decisions based on your personal feelings rather than on their work ability.

Bottom line; grow up.

Check the law before sacking anyone OP. Is there a way you can tackle this by retraining them or going through HR?

hopefully when you're their superior they'll shit themselves and act bloody professional.

Get promoted first and then deal with it from there. It may stop. If it doesn’t, tell them coldly and unemotionally that you’ve had enough and you don’t find it funny. if it happens again after that, report them.

Exactly this. Spot on. The best revenge is living well, OP - get the promotion and they’ll all be shitting themselves for a while at least.

Get the promotion and then look for friends outside of work. My DH would say "don't sh*t where you eat!"

All of this.

You're really not the right person to be in management if this is the way you plan to behave.

You need to deal with their behaviour professionally, not as if you are a 3 year old.

A hobby is something I've contemplated, unfortunately money is a bit tight at the moment but I'm considering my local running club?

I hope so!!

ever since I made it clear I was looking for a casual friend group to hang out with after work.

what actually happened here?

to be honest I think they’d make your life hard as a manager, they won’t listen to you and they will discredit you. I think you should raise a complaint now and nip all this in the bud. Don’t think of yourself as an employee but as a manager/HR and what you would do if someone you managed was being ostracised by others in your team.

I'd start keeping a diary of their behaviour now, and lodge it with HR.

I don't think that being their manager will make your life easier, they could club together and lodge baseless complaints against you and you'll find yourself on the wrong side of HR.

I don't really understand what happened with the seeking friendship and getting bullied as a result, how did it unfold?

After talking with DH, we now agree it's best to take the high road. HR department is famously crap at work