Being busy makes me really stressed and miserable. Is anyone else similar?

[Whatcouldthisbeplease]

I keep reading about people staying busy to take their mind off their worries. It makes everything worse for me, I just feel like I can't think or relax at all or get quiet space in my head.

I seem to need a lot of downtime in order to feel calm. A packed schedule just instantly makes me stressed out. Tomorrow I have to travel 4 hours by train for a few days, just wishing I could stay at home. I'm not even going to be that busy while away, will have time to myself, but already just wishing I was going to be at home.

I fucking hate being busy and know it is the default for many because of the way the world is set up, busy jobs and kids etc. Is there anyone else out there that finds business almost unbearable? How do you cope?

I am grieving my mum which is making it worse but always been a bit like this.

Busyness, not business....

Same. I like having activities and fun stuff to do outside of work but the thought of activities every evening (when dc were young) or having a full weekend just fills me with horror.

some people need a quieter slower pace and that’s ok.

You’re going away… work or pleasure? Alone?

i get this but I think it’s a symptom of my ADHD - busy mind plus exec function and overwhelm. I use most of my exec function for my professional job tbh, doing other stuff suffers as a result!

Yes I'm like this too. I don't even work but I am a carer for disabled partner who also has autism and ADHD, a 9yr old son with autism and ADHD and a very stroppy 11yr old daughter with a rare disorder. I also have health issues of my own and for the last few years my life has been a neverending stream of hospital/GP/Child Development Centre/opticians appointments and DWP appointments and forms to fill in, I seem to be the only person in my house capable of organising anything or doing any housework more complicated than hoovering, dealing with school stuff etc. My partner is ALWAYS here, I never get a break and I'm seriously stressed out, actually becoming quite an angry, bitter and horrible person.

I'm exactly the same, I also suspect I might have ADHD. Without a lot of downtime I feel overwhelmed, it's a large part of the reason I don't want children. I'm so sorry to hear about your mum - after this trip is over can you arrange for a day to yourself to just stay at home?

There's a very good book called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain where she describes introverts as people who need to be alone to recharge. I recognized myself when I read it. If I'm too busy for too long I get overwhelmed and I used to think there was something wrong with me until I read this book. You're just an introvert, OP, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's just how you're made.

I'm autistic and have ADHD, and being busy is a sure fire way to send me into burnout. I have a very limited number of things I can do in a day and I need a lot of downtime to recover. I feel anxious all week if I know I have errands to do at the weekend.

I work full-time but thankfully I've found a job I really love where I can set the pace, and there are peaks and troughs in terms of deadlines. I used to work in roles where it was a constant flow of tasks and I would frequently sob in the toilets.

I also find that I can maintain two, maybe three, areas of my life and if I try to nurture another area, something gets dropped. For example: work, studies, housework, friends/family, hobbies, eating well, exercising consistently. If I'm putting energy into work and housework, I stop maintaining my relationships and my eating goes to shit. If I try to cook and eat better, the housework falls by the wayside.

I feel like I'm drowning.

Yes, v much, but I have autism and adhd. It’s sensory overload for me.

My dd has asd and adhd. She used to love to have busy school days, summer camps, and evening activities every day etc. But this has pretty much gone "poof" since teenage and adult years. Now she likes to chill a lot.

I've always needed a lot of quiet time too. I can usually manage stress if there's something or some time period that I can adapt, to give me a time out, however small. With that in mind, can you do something to turn the train ride into something pleasurable instead of a chore? Audiobooks are free on You Tube. Listen to your favourite music etc.

Sensory overload is real, I hear you. I am a highly sensitive person

Me too, I need a lot of time to myself going about mundane stuff or just browsing Internet, doing very little. For me it's about the stress and drain of being around other people, even if I'm not with other people myself, I just find the planning, checking, organising and navigating of busyness a pain. I'm being assessed for ADHD which makes alot of sense, when I reflect on things I found difficult in life. One thing that helped me hugely was learning how to say 'no' assertively and not doing anything I didn't really want to do.

Thanks, all. Interesting that ASD and ADHD were mentioned quite a lot, I was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago but did not see any link.

One thing that helped me hugely was learning how to say 'no' assertively and not doing anything I didn't really want to do

I'm fairly good at that too. But the thing is sometimes they are things that I really do want to do, but they still create this overloaded stressed and frazzled feeling.

Honestly I seem to have just about enough physical and mental energy to crawl through the day doing a very modest amount of tasks and chores like showering, washing a few dishes, going on the bus to an appointment, maybe making a phone call I have to do....and that's it.

I'm only in my 30s but it makes me feel very old.

I also find that I can maintain two, maybe three, areas of my life and if I try to nurture another area, something gets dropped. For example: work, studies, housework, friends/family, hobbies, eating well, exercising consistently. If I'm putting energy into work and housework, I stop maintaining my relationships and my eating goes to shit. If I try to cook and eat better, the housework falls by the wayside.

This resonates so, so much.

I’ve found my people. OP I’m exactly the same. Fills me with utter dread being busy with no downtime. I find full time work utterly exhausting with 3 kids. Honestly, my mind feels fried.

I've definitely become like this the last few years. Even "good" busyness absolutely drains me. I dread even the most minor event for days in advance.
In my case I think it's a feature of my bipolar and it sucks as I didn't used to struggle like this. I'm saying No too often now. Gone from one extreme to the other.

I'm exactly the same OP, except I need to go out and do something every day but I hate being 'busy'. Can you relate or not?
So I like to spontaneously decide to go somewhere with my family, and I like to go on walks and runs and be outside a lot of the time, but I hate a busy schedule. I feel totally overwhelmed all of the time because I just cannot seem to keep on top of all my admin and appointments. If a few things fall into my diary in short succession I will stress until they are all complete even if they're not that taxing and on different days.

This resonates so much! I also tend to really focus on something (like healthy eating) and then suddenly drop it completely like it never happened, and do the total opposite.
I started an evening course and really enjoyed it for 6 months studying and then one day I had to return to work and I instantly stopped the course and never went back, now I have totally forgotten everything I learnt. I can't seem to focus on all areas of my life.
I'm at my happiest on mat leave when I can totally focus on my baby and nothing else, but I totally drop my social life and hobbies when this happens. Life is simple though and it's great.

Agree - it's not having lots of things to do, so much as needing an overall slower pace.

I've realised I particularly love watching anything where there is a slow pace or rhythm to someone's day, so early Mad Men, some of the vintage housewife IG accounts, old films - anything where people do one thing at a time, without feeling frazzled or being torn in 10 directions, then move onto the next thing.

I find it exhausting checking email, then IG, then whatsapp, then texts, then voicemails - I wish there was a way of bundling all of them together.

Going against the grain here: I'm the exact opposite. I HATE being idle. Unless I'm really tired, I find downtime really really hard to deal with. I hate "dead" time and the feeling of being unproductive sends me into a spiral of guilt. The thought of a whole day without any purpose makes me feel slightly nauseous and I can't watch more than about an hour's TV.

I'm always reading (on here and elsewhere) how weird and unnatural it is and maybe it is but until recently I thought everyone was like this. Funny old world.

I am exactly the same
it's one of many reasons I couldn't have the career I wanted

tbh I think it might have affected my friendships because I can't do two things in a day ISWIM. Honestly, if there were meds I could take to help, I would.

I read the book upthread but there's no solutions so I just felt I'd wasted my time. My sister thinks there's a plus side in that she gets bored easily, whereas I don't ever get bored in free time. Work time - sure, but not free time.

Honestly, I could do with someone like this to help me out, and with domestics, I I've hit the point where I'd pay a weekly organiser!