Consequences of reporting a bully - how do I handle this?

[AliceMay55]

DS (Y9) has been getting bullied at school. It’s the same child - put-downs, name calling and verbal abuse. It’s getting worse every time. I realised recently I knew his mum (from a class we attended years ago - so just barely knew her). I reached out to the mum - initially she tried to deny it, but when I said there are witnesses, she sounded understanding, apologised on her son’s behalf and said it won’t happen again.

DS has been quite anxious this morning about the consequences of telling the other mum. He thinks the bully will now gang up with other “powerful” kids and make life miserable for him.

Should I have reported it to school? I have no idea how to go about this, particularly in secondary school. Should I speak to the teacher or ask for a head teacher appointment?

The thing is, this bully child isn’t always nasty to my DS. He is ok sometimes, but flips into being nasty suddenly with no provocation.

I would raise it with the school so that they are aware and can take action if anything occurs in school. They should have an anti bullying policy on their website which you can refer to which should help to clarify who to contact etc. I would re-iterate with your son that talking about bullying is the right thing to do, and that bullies thrive when people are too scared to report it and when reports of bullying are minimised by adults or not acted on.

The mum's response sounds promising. She didn't persist with denials and said the right things, so hopefully she will follow through and read her child the riot act.

I think it depends on how the mother is. If it was me you had approached I would come down hard on my child and make it clear to them they should not be making any comments to your child and checking to make sure. Other parents might not be that bothered. See how it goes and if it continues then speak to the head of year about it.

Yes, I think this is soemthing you address with the school, not the parent.

Currently going through the same thing with my DD in year 9. I went to school. School spoke to mum who completely kicked off at me. The bullies have now upped their game. She's turned everyone of my daughters friends against her when she missed 3 days of school last week due to Covid and now stands outside my house shouting her name 🤦🏻‍♀️ I went into school this morning who have been brilliant but say I need to get the police involved - I reported it- as the bullies 18 year old sister now follows DD everywhere and has a history of violence. Honestly wish I kept my mouth shut but my DD was suffering.
I hope you have a better outcome.

I’m sorry this is happening. Breaks your heart - doesn’t it?

This is the reason I didn’t take it up with school. I want to sort it out without triggering the bully into a rage. I’m scared of conflict myself!

The mother seemed to want to put an end to this. I’m more worried about the bully child upping the game in school.

There is no right or wrong answer here.

Did you tell the mum you are worried about the repercussions of you contacting her?

sorry your son is going through this it is absolutely heartbreaking

I would definately get the school involved.

Going through this with my DD in Year 8. I go through the school but it's not improving, she had a bottle of water emptied over her head in retaliation for reporting. Breaks my heart. I've actually just placed her on the waiting list for another school because I'm so fed up with it, she's been hit, pushed and hair pulled. The police have been involved and it's STILL ongoing. I'm hoping she won't be there much longer

You tell DC, that he is the one with the power. He's in a strong position now.

The other child, OC, now knows that DC is not scared to tell; he won't put up and shut up.

OC been warned about his behaviour and his mother has apologised and undertaken it won't happen again. So he's on his last chance . He knows that if he does it again there will be stronger repercussions , certainly from you, and his own mother; maybe from other adults. (teachers).