AIBU to ask you for your stories of comfort regarding teenage DD

[Binningtonianrose]

My DD is nearly 18 and currently hates me, because I ruined her life (everything was my fault, conveniently).
I feel devastated and ashamed that she is making plans to move out, that the situation seems unresolvable, that's she is so young to make that jump.
Does anyone have survival stories about going through this then things getting better? It's tough.

Who is she moving in with, a family member or boyfriend/girlfriend?

Once the financial responsibility of living on her own becomes a reality she'll probably be back.

If she needs space from you/family home maybe have her look at residential work so somewhere like Kingswood /PGL / holiday camps instead of moving out properly.

What did you do, or not do, but she thinks you did?
There is something about brain development (CBA to find study) that basically says that we all think our parents are idiots until we are 24/26 or similar.
Of course you two may just not get along.
I don't get along with mine much. Moved out at 18, moved country and never went home, save for visits.

My DC left home at 17 , moved in with BF . DC was still in 6th form . After much deliberation they went to uni , came back and married BF . They have traveled, bought houses , had DC , got masters . There DC are being privately educated . They have achieved all this on their own . Their relationship is 20 plus yrs . Have faith , keep communicating. Keep door open . Remember they are an adult, a young one , but an adult non the less . Remember, you brought them up . I brought mine up to be strong and independent, couldn’t be shocked when they were !

She's not that young to be moving out really. It is a shame it is under a cloud, but hopefully a bit of distance will help.

I moved out at a similar age, similar reasons. Educated to MSc, own home etc still resentment 25 years later. Speak to/see parents at high days and holidays.

One of mine also moved out at similar age but was on much different/positive terms, we see each other most weeks (IF he’s in the country!).

Thanks guys. I got divorced five years ago and she is only just discovering her rage about it all. Strangely it's only me to blame, not my ex husband.
Nothing I try resolves it, she instead tries to take me down, telling me I am all sorts of emotional things for example, narcissistic, a gaslighter, borderline personality disorder etc etc.
She has once or twice started to explain her perspective, but mostly seems to want to deflect on to me. It's very sad.
Her brother's (who have no grudges about it all) are mystified. She's been like it for a year now).