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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should you say no or just ignore emails?

27 replies

Itsanofficeone · 24/04/2023 19:17

If you’re being asked to do things at work by colleagues that aren’t your manager that either you don’t have capacity to do because you’ve got too much to do,

or they’re annoying hassley tasks that aren’t necessarily anyone in particular’s role,

or it’s people just trying it on delegating fiddly aspects of things that they don’t want to do where it’s not clear whose responsibility it is (perhaps because it’s adminy bits of a shared project) or if people are picking and choosing what they do and don’t want to do for their own motives, should you:

Reply to emails saying No, or sorry I’d love to but don’t have capacity right now (or similar)

Or just not reply at all?

I’ve noticed some people just don’t reply to some emails. But that’s rude. Otoh saying no seems to be a red rag to a bull sometimes and seems to stir things up even more and things escalate.

What do you think?

Not sure voting is really appropriate for this but
Yes you ABU not replying
you are NOT BU not replying

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 24/04/2023 19:18

It's more professional to reply.

GoodChat · 24/04/2023 19:22

Reply.
If you don't reply and they say "Office is supposed to be picking that up" you have nothing to defend yourself with.

DojaPhat · 24/04/2023 19:23

If it's so regular can you raise it with your own manager. Don't reply saying "I'd love to" that will get you off on the wrong foot. Is it that people usually share these tasks but there's a bit of tooing and froing over whose responsibility it is because it's sort of everyone's but no-ones? A favour for a colleague should be just that but it's a one off occurrence every now and then. If it's happening so regularly then get your manager on board to formulate a boiler plate reply when these requests come up or to talk to their department to remind their manager that your team don't adjust excel tables or whatever.

Eleganz · 24/04/2023 19:25

Just be straightforward and say that you don't have any capacity at the moment. If it becomes a point of someone hassling you a lot raise it with your manager.

Original poster
Itsanofficeone · 24/04/2023 19:25

GoodChat · 24/04/2023 19:22

Reply.
If you don't reply and they say "Office is supposed to be picking that up" you have nothing to defend yourself with.

Yes that’s the problem some people are very good at doing things like that.

I’m getting sick of people! Buggers. I sometimes wish I didn’t have to deal with any.

Thanks for response.

OP posts:
Nomorebeer22 · 24/04/2023 19:27

I get these sometimes. Just reply with "I have no capacity at present". Job done.

Original poster
Itsanofficeone · 24/04/2023 19:33

If it's so regular can you raise it with your own manager. Don't reply saying "I'd love to" that will get you off on the wrong foot. Is it that people usually share these tasks but there's a bit of tooing and froing over whose responsibility it is because it's sort of everyone's but no-ones?

Yes sort of. Problem is everyone’s busy and I could look petty. But I’ve noticed things get dumped on me a bit and when discussing it with a close family member they said I’m being ‘a push over’ at work. It’s only happened a few times but I feel like some people are very good at not taking on extra stuff but when I do it there seems to be a bit more come back. Or maybe that’s just how I’m perceiving it.

A favour for a colleague should be just that but it's a one off occurrence every now and then. If it's happening so regularly then get your manager on board to formulate a boiler plate reply when these requests come up or to talk to their department to remind their manager that your team don't adjust excel tables or whatever.

Wouldn’t say favour more the other category as above, but yes I could do. Thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsanofficeone · 24/04/2023 19:34

Nomorebeer22 · 24/04/2023 19:27

I get these sometimes. Just reply with "I have no capacity at present". Job done.

Fair enough, thank you.

OP posts:
Sissynova · 24/04/2023 19:35

Of course you’re being unreasonable for just ignoring them. I can’t believe an adult in a working environment thinks that’s anywhere near an appropriate response.

Testina · 24/04/2023 19:38

Not everyone who comes to you is taking this piss. Sometimes they think you’re the right person - in which case, it’s unprofessional and rule not to reply. I would never ignore. They either deserve manners, or they need to be shown your boundary.

Hi Colleague:

  • that’s not me - you could try X?
  • that’s not me and I’m sorry I can’t help with who does it - maybe someone on your team / your boss will know?

or whatever variation. But don’t ignore. It’s rude, and to the genuine people it’s unfair.

LittleLegsKeepGoing · 24/04/2023 19:41

If it's something I don't want to touch with a barge pole I respond with, "That'll need to be cleared via project management for me to add to my stack. Raise a request through normal channels"

Blissful radio silence then ensues because no one wants to do that and officially I'm only meant to work on assigned content.

Random ad hoc support stuff I just absorb...for people who do the same for me or my boss- but I never ignore a request. Silence in my place equals acceptance!

Original poster
Itsanofficeone · 24/04/2023 19:42

Sissynova · 24/04/2023 19:35

Of course you’re being unreasonable for just ignoring them. I can’t believe an adult in a working environment thinks that’s anywhere near an appropriate response.

You’d be surprised I’ve seen it happen quite a bit. Sometimes people are busy and you have to prompt which is maybe different. I’ve heard other people complain that certain people never answer emails as well. I agree, I think it is rude as I said. But was just wondering if in some cases it’s lesser of 2 evils.

OP posts:
CleverKnot · 24/04/2023 19:42

In my experience, my work world, no reply is modal response.
This is from people who are PAID to work with me & my organisation, and/or are actually members of my organisation.

They never reply.... or they reply 6 weeks later after I sent several followups.

I was thinking if I plotted a histogram, replies I would get (without followups) are probably:

20% : < 1 day:
15% 1-2 days later
10%: 2-4 days later
10%: 4 days to 3.99 weeks later
5% > 4 weeks
40% Never

Original poster
Itsanofficeone · 24/04/2023 19:46

Hi Colleague:

  • that’s not me - you could try X?
  • that’s not me and I’m sorry I can’t help with who does it - maybe someone on your team / your boss will know?
or whatever variation. But don’t ignore. It’s rude, and to the genuine people it’s unfair.

Yes good points thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itsanofficeone · 24/04/2023 19:49

In my experience, my work world, no reply is modal response.
This is from people who are PAID to work with me & my organisation, and/or are actually members of my organisation.

So what do you conclude from this? They’re a bit rubbish/ disorganised? Or they’re being asked to do things they shouldn’t do?

OP posts:
chocorabbit · 24/04/2023 19:56

Itsanofficeone · 24/04/2023 19:42

You’d be surprised I’ve seen it happen quite a bit. Sometimes people are busy and you have to prompt which is maybe different. I’ve heard other people complain that certain people never answer emails as well. I agree, I think it is rude as I said. But was just wondering if in some cases it’s lesser of 2 evils.

Show quote history

Well, you've answered your question. If it's normal do as the others.

Hawkins003 · 24/04/2023 19:58

What about trading favours eg I'll complete x if you do y, etc

Original poster
Itsanofficeone · 24/04/2023 20:01

Hawkins003 · 24/04/2023 19:58

What about trading favours eg I'll complete x if you do y, etc

Yes that can work sometimes.
I think I might be stressed with too much to do. That might be part of the problem.

OP posts:
MRex · 24/04/2023 20:06

It might actually be reasonable for you to do the work they ask you to do, and your career will go further if you step up where you can. If that would impact on your other priorities, then check in with your manager, and ask for some general guidance. Worth remembering though that a company is not one individual who is your line manager at the time. Ignoring direct requests from those senior to you, even when they are not your manager, is going to bring you problems. I know an ex colleague who was skipped for promotion exactly because he ignored email; his line manager told him to and she is having different measures. I feel bad for him, but its basic office politics he's screwed up on.

chocorabbit · 24/04/2023 20:08

DH has lots of incompetent, lazy idiots asking for help or to do their job, on a daily basis. They were brought in to "help" his team and DH redirects them with helpful links or corrects them that it's actually team work and not assigned specifically to him as he has already picked x, y, z etc to complete.

chocorabbit · 24/04/2023 20:13

It seems that many of you have decent management who value your work and haven't brought in lazy dickheads from their previous work place.

Malariahilaria · 24/04/2023 20:15

I think it depends on the org size and structure. When I've worked in smaller orgs below 3000 people I'd probably respond and say 'I'm not resourced to support this project currently but am happy to attend a one off meeting to give a steer'. In orgs over 100k people these requests can get a bit out of hand, then it's case of checking who they report to and whether I think it will help my team to respond. If from some far flung part of the business, delete.

OneFrenchEgg · 24/04/2023 20:16

I had a job like this where I ended up unofficial IT support. It varied but my response was usually

'I've done it this time, but in future you can use the steps in (attached link to MS help or if in-house a guide id created) this as it's outside my everyday remit.'

yogacushions · 24/04/2023 20:19

Or you can say, ‘yes I can do that but not until next week. Can it wait till then?’

and write up what it is and send it as a template for next time.

CleverKnot · 24/04/2023 20:43

So what do you conclude from this? They’re a bit rubbish/ disorganised? Or they’re being asked to do things they shouldn’t do?

Gawd I don't know.

I imagine a mix of

disorganised (no idea what's in their email inbox & no other way to contact them)
overwhelmed (too many queries, hard to find any time for anything, end up ignoring most requests habitually)
other priorities (so my request never gets actioned)
life gets in the way (one lady's husband died, so 3.5 months later...)
they only respond to imminent deadlines (no action if deadline not here yet)
they don't care about me (ha!) even if they are paid to work with me & do very very little for our organisation

I try hard to ask no one for anything.
On plus side, I bunk off in the sun an awful lot because there is literally nothing I can do to progress any of my many projects