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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF- leaving do-- what to do?

32 replies

Boxshibe · 24/04/2023 17:53

A much loved colleague is leaving end of this week. Due to our management not realising this or forgetting nothing had been organised.
So last week I started organising an evening out. Booking a restaurant and drinks after. Getting pre orders, paying for the deposits etc. I set up a teams chat and invited people who know her .
someone I invited it turns out is also leaving (I didn't know, don't work with them) has announced that this will also be their leaving do! And can they input on what we do and invite people!
Can I tell them to but out and organise there own or grin and bear it!
He'll totally change the dynamic of the dinner and drinks
I think he's being a massive CF and it should be up to his manager to sort it.
Aibu?

OP posts:
mmgirish · 24/04/2023 17:55

Don't let him muscle in on this! Defo CF behaviour.

thecatsthecats · 24/04/2023 17:58

I don't think it's necessarily CF behaviour. They might just be piqued to see someone else being made a fuss off when nothing has been done for them - unless they're not leaving for a while.

I would think that work leaving drinks were an open invitation anyway - hard to get a good crowd otherwise if people don't want to do too many work socials in one month.

Hotfootgoose · 24/04/2023 18:01

Just say you are sorry, but your colleague means a lot to you and you want this to be their special night. Thanks for understanding and good luck in preparing yours! Job done

Daffodil92 · 24/04/2023 18:01

Cheeky sod! Laugh it off as if it’s a joke “hahaha good one CF. Imagine actually trying to hijack someone else’s leaving do” then just carry on as you planned

Gymnopedie · 24/04/2023 18:01

Tell him to butt out. My suspicion is that if you gave in he would make it all about him.

makingbrownies · 24/04/2023 18:02

did they announce it in the group chat or to you?

Do you know them well are they difficult?

If you think others will see this and agree with you I would say something like ' hi CF, I want DF to feel really special at this doo and for it to be all about her and just with her closest colleagues and I think sharing and having people who she doesn't know it will take away her moment. ill be happy to come to yours if you arrange your own.

MsMcGonagall · 24/04/2023 18:04

yes you're answer can be No. This isn't a work organised or work paid for event. Nice reply by hotfootgoose. or, sorry this is a personal party focused on Friend, hope you can find your own way to mark your leaving

jazzybelle · 24/04/2023 18:04

Ignore him and carry on arranging your party.

poppypetal · 24/04/2023 18:06

Nip it in the bud. Once he starts with his input and inviting his friends, you'll just end up being the unpaid hired party planner. I'd just say 'I'm really sorry but I've already decided what we're doing and it's tailored towards nice colleague. It'll be great having 2 leaving parties to go to though, so let me know what you arrange for yours and hopefully I'll be able to make it.'

Original poster
Boxshibe · 24/04/2023 18:07

He announced it in group chat

" just to let everyone know this will also be my leaving do, so drinks are on you"
Twat

I live 5 hrs away and people are travelling to be there. If it was his do I'd sign the card and that's it.

OP posts:
poppypetal · 24/04/2023 18:10

That's bang out of order! What a CF! Perhaps text the group and say 'think there has been some crossed wires along the way, leaving do is for nice colleague only, but I'm sure we'll all be glad of 2 events when CF gives us the details of his party'.

growgrowinggrown · 24/04/2023 18:11

can you delete the message out of the group chat and then contact him privately?
He's hoping to back you into a corner by posting that publicly so you either need to react and squash it or accept it - no wishy washy.

Emigratingimmigrant · 24/04/2023 18:13

Just say there is a misunderstanding and this is X's leaving do, but happy to help whoever organises his with tips

PyjamaFan · 24/04/2023 18:16

What a cheeky sod!

I agree, this needs nipping in the bud right now.

moonspiral · 24/04/2023 18:17

I mean thing is, people won't be able to go to both if they know both. But yeah someone else should have suggested it not him

TheSaturdayAfternoonnessOfIt · 24/04/2023 18:17

Going against the grain - it's unlucky for him if a major party has already been organised at the same time he was planning his leaving do. He might be justified in thinking people won't be up for two parties in a short space of time. I don't see what's wrong with a joint do, although he shouldn't expect to change what has already been organised.

MaydinEssex · 24/04/2023 18:18

Maybe say he can join you for drinks after but not the meal, tell him he can't attend that as its too late to change the booking.

Blizzard23 · 24/04/2023 18:19

The reply would be:

’ CF will be organising his own drinks party as this one is organised for xx. Please advise dates and times you would like to host your leaving party CF and I am sure we would all love to join you’

MaydinEssex · 24/04/2023 18:20

Boxshibe · 24/04/2023 18:07

He announced it in group chat

" just to let everyone know this will also be my leaving do, so drinks are on you"
Twat

I live 5 hrs away and people are travelling to be there. If it was his do I'd sign the card and that's it.

Did you add him to the group chat? If so can you delete him from the group and/or chat?

Blizzard23 · 24/04/2023 18:20

Let the tumbleweed and drop outs commence with his party.

Blizzard23 · 24/04/2023 18:21

Do not let him hijack your efforts!

mrsbyers · 24/04/2023 18:22

I don’t think it’s that bad , if there’s two conflicting leaving do’s then it could compromise attendees at yours

BellaBlossoms · 24/04/2023 18:24

I think you’ve misunderstood CF, this event is for X leaving, please let us know the date of yours so we can pop the date in our diaries x

Cheeky sod!

MusicansMum · 24/04/2023 18:26

He's leaving so you can be blunt. You won't have to deal with him again.

Is he actually stopping work on the same day as your friend?

Original poster
Boxshibe · 24/04/2023 18:31

There has been no leaving do organised for him. Not my problem different area of large department. If he wanted one he should have organised one.
It's a small do only 20 people. My manager invited him but I didn't know he was leaving. My manager is not his manager.
I've told him we can't add people to the meal but they could come for drinks after.

OP posts:
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