To ask for your teenage boy insights

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DS is 15 and really shy, quiet reserved kid. He’s got delayed puberty so is socially quite immature still. He REALLY struggles with social stuff- he was hanging out with a group of boys from primary but they have kind of moved away from him- I think he’s maybe not very cool as he’s so quiet and still likes Star Wars and gaming whereas they are discovering alcohol & parties. He was playing football but doesn’t like it anymore as I think he finds it tricky not being as tall as the other boys etc.

I am really worried about him becoming socially isolated to be honest - he’s got friends in school but doesn’t do much with them out of school. Feels like such a tricky age - he gets so upset about it all as he doesn’t feel like he fits in anywhere. He is a real homebody at the moment too and is at his happiest at home.

anyone got any insights? Should we just ride it through & hope it gets better. He’s year 10 and doing ok generally at school.

Are there any other clubs he could join? Gaming/coding perhaps? Or another sport? Some kids prefer non team sports, my ds likes running and has joined the athletics club. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying being at home, but it might be nice if he had somewhere outside of school that he could socialise.

I think quite a few boys are still into Star Wars and gaming etc at 15- they're not all going to parties. Are there any school clubs that he could join where he might meet like-minded boys, or out of school?

My son didn't start going out until well into year 12 this year. He had friends at high school but they were all gamers so hung out online.
Still not partying, really don't think that's anything to worry about at 15.
It is hard, you worry, but I'd say sixth form and beyond is when they really start getting that social scene going on.

I have a yr10 DS who had no friends in yr7-8.5 & not many friends made since.
Can't recall last time he did something social with school mates...

DoE will be good for social.
Air cadets is good for social.

imho, if he's happy in himself then you Are Winning, don't try to fix something that isn't broken.

Mine is obsessed with playing Pokemon Go, Lego investment scheme & works 7 days/ week (paper round).

Oh and I used to get mine to volunteer at parkrun with me until he got a Saturday job. There were other teenagers and he was doing something for the community which looks great on a CV

What about Scouts? They're great for teaching resilience, making friends outside of school and discovering new hobbies.

Or maybe some volunteering. If he's tech savvy, lots of charities need help with technology.

My 14 year old ds and 12 year old dd, who are both wonderfully quirky and autistic, really enjoy sea cadets. To be honest after attending some of their events, I think lots of the kids up there are neurodiverse.... But they are a real little gang, they are very inclusive and seem to fit everyone in!

Has he got medically diagnosed delayed puberty or is he just a bit behind the majority? I am not certain of the normal range of puberty in boys but if he has no signs and hasn't seen a Doctor perhaps it's worth considering ( if he is outside the normal range).

I think it's important to try to keep them busy with some kind of activity. My ds is 15, and has only just left air cadets to focus on his exams.

My younger ds does martial arts and skateboarding.

Might be worth trying different clubs/groups/activities to get involved with

My son is 13 and loves his dungeons and dragons club at school and also attends Scouts. He said to me the other day that all his friends seem to be ASD - bless him.

he really has found a little crew. I can’t imagine that they will be partying in 2 years time - and I’m pleased about that tbh. There is no rush to grow up!