To ask whether your angry kid improved as a teen?

[Abora]

My 10 year old has always been sensitive/highly strung. She was a nightmare toddler and although she has improved a lot with age, she remains fairly intolerant of frustration, quite a worrier and has big emotions that sweep through her. She is more ‘difficult’ than her brother is 5 years younger. I have suspected neuro diversity in the past but she doesn’t really meet the criteria in other ways and I think this might just be who she is.

I am dreading the teenage years! Did anyone with a highly strung kid get through adolescence unscathed?

anyone…?

Teenage hormones aren't generally known to improve an already difficult DC OP - sorry!

If you're sure there little chance of neuro diversity, could just be symptoms of being cooped up a bit. Some children just have a natural wild side - DS was much the same as a 8/9 year old but then we made time for him on the weekends to go foraging in a local woodland and he's a changed boy! I'd say your biggest worry will be your daughter being chained to a desk as a teen so try and find a way for her to be in nature more! Remember, kids are designed to roam free 🌱

My extremely angry and quick to fly off the handle DS has thankfully improved significantly with age. He is able to articulate his frustrations more now, he’s able to understand that throwing a fit isn’t going to help, and generally just has less rage running through him. Though I do think part of the cause of his anger was feeling bullied in school and that went as he got older too. Make sure there’s no root cause that you aren’t aware of before just hoping this will magically resolve itself.

Yes!

DS1 (now 22) was fairly easy as a toddler, I ignored his first tantrum and he never really had another.

However at 8/9/10 he had the worst temper. No patience with anything and couldn't bare not getting his own way. I used to tell him to go to his room and we'd talk about it when he was ready.

As a teen he was so laid back, I'd sometimes wish he did get angry - there were some things he perhaps should have got angry about that just seemed to wash over him iyswim. He was a terrible teenager! He'd pretend to sulk, but couldn't keep a straight face 😆 We didn't have any teenage problems with him at all, the phase barely registered.

Nope sorry! Things started to get better age 18/19. Diagnosed with autism age 16

No, got so much worse, not improved age 21.

Yes me. V highly strung toddler, nightmare between 9-12 a dream since 13!!! No idea what happened... although do think maybe lockdown helped her 'mature' out of the pressure cooker of school. I hope yours does the same - they are of course, all different! My advice for what it's worth, pick your battles, don't take it personally & don't project.. just cos she's struggling to be nice now doesn't mean your not raising a nice person! Read Lorraine candy's book too.

I don't know where to start with explaining DSs in primary school.
Just a few examples :

PRIMARY AGE
People stopping us in street to complain about DS2.
DS2 had no friends from yr2-half way thru yr5, he was miserable about it & openly shunned.
Teacher about DS2: "Everyone knows that misbehaving kids don't get any discipline from parents at home"
Another parent about DS3 to her own son "Yes I know dear, just avoid that horrible boy"
School describing DS3 as having "anger issues"; put on special sessions for him.

SECONDARY AGE
DS2: "polite mature young man" (multiple school reports, yr8 onwards)
DS3: "he's a treasure!" DoE coordinator; his DT teacher adores him (yr10); works 7 days/week from age 13 onwards.

FFS. I didn't change as a parent. Maybe something else changed.

I can give you hope! My son went from unreasonable, acting out and angry to a laid back and respectful teen. It was an unexpected but very welcome affect of puberty for him.

Some improvements.

ADHD/ASD & was an absolute terror. We have had times of such absolute meltdowns where people and/or property have been damaged.
Things only improved around age 17/18 though.
Hang on in there!

My daughter was fab as a baby. Wonderful she’d 2/3. Then she hit 4 and oh my
god

she was diagnosed with adhd only very recently so I wouldn’t shun the neurodiverse just in case. I wouldn’t have said she had the signs of it either and it was a psychologist who found it.

Yes, DD very tricky, lots of tantrums, rude and high stress until 12 when they got some independence. Made all the difference.

OP this was me as a child. Hideous temper and I couldn't be reasoned with until about 16. Happy to say I am probably the most relaxed adult out of my friendship group. No idea if it was hormones etc, but my parents were amazing and I do think getting a bit of independence probably helped.

My DS was a very angry child who couldn't deal with any extreme emotion. I lost count of the times I was called into his primary school and he was referred to the counties behaviour support team at the beginning of Year 3. Though in school support had started to work and they never really worked with him. There were some major issues with him being bullied that really didn't help.

He is now in Year 10 and I know if I mentioned any of this to his teachers they would be incredibly shocked. He is polite, laid back, a model student and incredibly good at helping his friends deal with their emotions, perhaps because he had to be explicitly taught to do so with his own. I'm honestly so proud of the way he has managed to turn it around.

You could be describing my eldest. He is only 13 but he has definitely improved with age.

Yes ds1 now 18. Spent his whole babyhood crying, was an extremely grumpy toddler and child until about 8. Most days he got up in a bad mood and stayed that way all day.He was well behaved at school but very moody and angry at home. I suspected autism he had no friends could relate to adults better, hated loud noises obsessed with numbers. From about 8 (which coincided with a school and house move) he changed completely and is now a very chilled out and polite teen and has loads of friends.

Please research adhd in GIRLS it's so different than in boys many many women are being diagnosed mid 30s and upwards because we hide it so well myself included. I hated myself for aslong as I could remember constantly frustrated at myself and the world around me xx

Following

Well yes, it can happen. My brother was a nightmare child who went all mellow once he hit puberty (I went the other way). My own dd is a lot calmer and more co-operative now than she was as a child (though she is still only 13, so I won't count my chickens).

I had a hectic, emotional, highly strung pre teen who was quick to anger and quick to storm off.
Then took up cross country running, hockey and long distance cycling in secondary school. Has since mellowed and settled throughout their teenage years. I think as a child with an awful lot of energy, a strong dislike of being misunderstood and a very "busy" head they just needed distraction, space and an outlet for all this pent up frustration that never seemed to go anywhere.
Now as an older teen, they are generally a very level and calm person- still runs every night and will cycle everywhere but I haven't heard them shout or anything in years now

My DD was explosive from birth! Diagnosed ASD at 8. I wouldn’t have guessed as she is very articulate, imaginative, sociable (at times when it suits her). She had demand avoidant profile. Temper so bad she was permanently excluded from school in year 5.

Things improved in secondary and at 15 she is mostly a delight. She has had a lot of support at school. She is so much calmer as we, and she, understand the triggers for her temper.