DD 3 just doesn't listen to me

frustrationstationed · 2023-04-23T19:24:07+00:00

It's so tiring sometimes. Examples: She'll push her brother, I tell her not to push, she continues and does it even more until he falls to the floor, whilst looking me straight in the eye. We go anywhere really and I tell her to not walk off and she just walks off. I'm always holding her hand carefully because I don't trust her at all. She's so defiant. I feel like nothing I do or say goes in ! Does anyone have any advice ? She seems to listen to other people a bit more.

Feelslikespring2 · 23/04/2023 20:30

No advice but my DC recently turned 3 and is exact same. Tried to step on sibling today and just laughed when I told them not too then ran at and pushed me earlier never done that before but I don't know how to 'discipline' in the correct manner. I don't believe in shouting and I don't think it'd work anyway. And the running away and not stopping thing is exhausting even saying bye mummy as they do it..

Are they all like this? Is it an age thing? Or are our DC just a bit defiant like you say..

Watching with interest

Treesoutsidemywindow · 23/04/2023 20:34

Sounds like typical 3 year olds testing the boundaries, so this is the time when it's down to you to teach them that when you tell them no, you mean it. I won't suggest a method of doing this, as I know a lot has changed since I had my children, but this is where the hard work of being a parent really starts. Good luck!

Original poster

frustrationstationed · 23/04/2023 20:35

Feelslikespring2 · 23/04/2023 20:30

No advice but my DC recently turned 3 and is exact same. Tried to step on sibling today and just laughed when I told them not too then ran at and pushed me earlier never done that before but I don't know how to 'discipline' in the correct manner. I don't believe in shouting and I don't think it'd work anyway. And the running away and not stopping thing is exhausting even saying bye mummy as they do it..

Are they all like this? Is it an age thing? Or are our DC just a bit defiant like you say..

Watching with interest

I've tried shouting. Doesn't work. Doesn't phase her at all. Neither does time out. Sometimes I take things away that she likes to play with or is playing with.. for example she throws her play doh at her brother and I take it away. Other times I remove her from situations or we go home. Nothing seems to get through.

OP posts:

Feelslikespring2 · 23/04/2023 20:37

@Treesoutsidemywindow oh no 🙈😄

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 23/04/2023 20:40

I read smth once that said it's not helpful to tell toddlers what not to do, that they get more help from being told what they should be doing.
Eg instead of Don't push your brother! = use gentle hands!
Don't write on that! = If you want to write please use this paper
Etc

Personally no one's got time to be like this all the time, but it generally is better to direct kids to what they can do than constantly tell them what not to do.

I recommend How to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk.
There a version for toddlers, teens, siblings etc

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 23/04/2023 20:41

Oops formatting fail 😉

HinCogNeetOh · 23/04/2023 20:42

You need to get between her and the target, blocking with your forearm, leg, or body. Close close supervision helps.

IIRC there was a theory that saying don't push don't throw don't hit etc is ineffective as the child hears the last word. Seemed to be true-ish with mine. We said 'steady' 'careful' that kind of thing, instead.

You are at the coalface of parenting right now, keep buggering on.

RandomMess · 23/04/2023 20:42

What @DontBuyANewMumCashmere said and lots of OTT praise for doing as asked.

Original poster

frustrationstationed · 23/04/2023 20:42

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 23/04/2023 20:40

I read smth once that said it's not helpful to tell toddlers what not to do, that they get more help from being told what they should be doing.
Eg instead of Don't push your brother! = use gentle hands!
Don't write on that! = If you want to write please use this paper
Etc

Personally no one's got time to be like this all the time, but it generally is better to direct kids to what they can do than constantly tell them what not to do.

I recommend How to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk.
There a version for toddlers, teens, siblings etc

When I re-read what I wrote, that literally popped in my head. I have the book and others..

I'll try and remember to say it the other way around.

Walk with mummy, kind hands with your brother please.

OP posts:

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 23/04/2023 21:25

The other thing I found really worked with my two (but makes you sound like a real twat) is making every battle point a game.
Instead of 'don't run off' I'd hold their hand and say 'let's do giant steps, now baby steps'
Or instead of don't kick the lampposts I'd redirect their attention, 'can you find me something red?'

In fact whenever we're bored we play the rainbow game - Point to smth red/orange/yellow/green/blue/purple

This keeps them interested but it's not too boring because in different settings there's always a different something to find....

But constantly being 'fun mummy' who thinks of fun games is fucking draining!

As a pp said, you're in the trenches now, keep going and it does all get better! 🥂

Yummymummy2020 · 23/04/2023 21:30

This is my three year old too😂😂😂 they just don’t care😂😂😂

WeWereInParis · 23/04/2023 21:50

Instead of 'don't run off' I'd hold their hand and say 'let's do giant steps, now baby steps'

We do similar. Either running to specific things "let's run to that lamppost, now to that car" or we play the freeze! game where you're walking along and one of you says freeze and the other person has to freeze like a statue (bonus points for a funny pose). Now even if DD does run off, if I yell freeze she stops completely still.