Do you believe that having the wrong man in your life…

[EddyF]

You cannot get the ‘blessings’ in your life? Not in a religious way more in a universal type of rule ( if that makes sense). Have you ever felt held back by a partner?

Just reflecting on my own experiences and I always seem to shine/progress when I am single. Majority of my relationships have meant I have had to twist and bend who I am and by the time they’ve ended, my energy is so depleted. I know a lot of people are lucky to meet their person but even when my relationships don’t really have real issues, I just seemed ‘slowed down’ in every way.

Every time I am not in a relationship, I am flourishing. Be it work; friendships; peace of mind etc.

But a part of me think this is tragic in your 30s to think this way. I am so full of good health and normality without dating/living with a partner. I’ve been in relationships since 16 and I am just trying to find the absolute good in them.

I feel like opting out but it seems so soon. I hate that one bad choice in a man/woman can be the road map to your life (children etc). It’s never ending.

I think it sounds like your previous partners haven't been right for you, rather than that "relationships" in general hold you back/drain you emotionally.

I don't think it's about being single. I think it's about not having the wrong man in your life. From my own experience I have had two failed marriages where I wasn't able, for various reasons, to be 'myself', and an 18 month relationship where I found myself making all the compromises. I am now married to a man who enables me to be me and we are better together than apart. I enjoyed being single, but this is so much better. However that is me... for you and others maybe being single is better. I 100% believe that being with the wrong man is worse than either!

If being Single for you scores a 6

The right partner can raise it to 9
The wrong partner can drag it down to -10

The trick is to hitch your wagon to a decent horse and not a donkey, unfortunately, often we don't see the real animal until we're pulling the wagon.

Yes definitely. I felt like this until I met my husband.

Relationships (even good ones) take time and work. I think it's normal to achieve more when you're single.

Yes this is very true.

I am just concerned that I feel like I want to opt out at this stage. I feel there are plenty of men but I’m at the point I am really thinking “what do you bring to my life”? My friends are guy crazy and I feel I have peaked.

Yes, the wrong partner absolutely can hold you back in life. My ex is a heavy weed user and very narcissistic. I was stressed, broke, anxious and walking on eggshells when he lived here. Life is still a struggle due to being a single parent with no support but nothing compared to living with him. Since he left I've decorated the house, fixed the garden, bought camping equipment and took the dc camping, got my driving licence, and started retraining for a new career. He lives in a broken down van in a car park.

I hate to say this: but I thought I would be poorer on my own after my last relationship (2 months ago broken up) and I am not. I actually can budget well and have plenty behind. I stack with dodgy treatment because I couldn’t see a way out but I have plenty (no benefits… nothing wrong with that). I just got to a stage thinking dual everything makes it better.

sticked

Completely agree.

My closest friend is similar, she jokes that she needs a wife, not a man.