To expect my children's to watch them

[lucie333]

I dislocated my knee while at work on Wednesday, was given splint and crutches. Still can't walk without crutches, so I'm unable to get up and down the stairs with my baby, I can't even pick him up, I can't push the pram to take him to nursery. My 3 year old I can just about look after him, he's been really good. Their dad luckily had a holiday booked from the Thursday-Sunday the week it happened so he's not needed to take any time off work so to speak. He's been great. He said to his boss that he'd need to take a few days off to look after his children, his boss has basically said no and that it's my problem and responsibility. Basically implying if he doesn't go in tomorrow he won't have a job. I don't know what I'm going to do

Oh please, how does this help the OP? Get over yourself.

Another easy read link that he might want to send to his boss
https://workingfamilies.org.uk/articles/time-off-for-dependants-leave/#what

She needs to use crutches to get about. So couldn't see to the toddler and carry the baby.

No you are misunderstanding what emergency dependents leave is. It is to take time off in order to organise childcare or dependents care in an emergency. It is not to provide the emergency care personally.

If you have no family near and your friends work, what support is OP meant to use? What sort of paid help could they have got in place? Am always confused by what support parents are meant to get in place for their children if parents are ill or injured.
Setting up camp in one room might be the best plan, at least for tomorrow and see how you get on.
Long term it might be time for DH to find a more family friendly employer. I mean no employer is going to be happy but most would allow at least a couple more days if it was needed.

@Ponoka7 OP said she couldn't even pick the baby up which does imply there's another injury. It would change things a lot of she doesn't currently have full use of her arm(s) as well as having dislocated her knee. And if her DH's manager is aware of the full extent of her injuries it's unkind that he isn't being more supportive.

Well your DHs manager is an idiot. Because he's gone immediately from probably being correct about the time off issue to sex discrimination.

However pratically if you look at sitters website you can book ad hoc casual childcare from people with childcare experience. Monday might be pushing it but worth a try.

Is there anyone you could go and stay with for a couple or days who could help whilst getting all this sorted out? Like a close friend or family member who works from home who could help in an emerging while you set yourselves up in a room together. Could you see if nursery can suggest any emergency transport. Or taxi there and back if you can manage with the drivers help?

The carers leave is to sort this out, but maybe dh can take one day to sort it all out?

We will sort something out, ill just have to grin and bare it, hopefully I'm feeling better by tomorrow. We have no money to pay for extra childcare with me being off and we have no one to help, and I mean no one. But I will have to just put up with it!

Is the baby mobile? When I did similar my 7mo and I basically lived on the sofa for a week when DH was at work.

How far is the nursery and is it an all day thing or just a preschool? Could anyone pick up and drop off for you? Alternatively taxi and see if a staff memory could get them from you at roadside?

@moonspiral @LIZS @Mortimercat

if there is no one else to look after the children, then it’s an emergency. If you look at the link there are other leave options that could (and should) be offered.

He spoke to his manager last week and said he would let him know if more time off was needed. At that point his manager should have said it wouldn’t be possible, or that he would check with HR what could be offered - it doesn’t sound like either of these have been done.

Casual sexism aside, he is the other parent and it is down to him so resolve it. Yes his manager could sack him but if that was challenged at a tribunal the employer is likely to be seen as the employer being unreasonable - knowing in advance doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t have dependants leave if it’s still necessary. Not having any available alternative makes this necessary. Its not a doctors appointment, it’s the other parent being incapacitated.

Just had a casual look at sitters etc - none available in my area for emergency childcare. Saying that, I work in HR so I’m aware of my rights as is my manager.

I know, I was explaining to another poster who was dismissing the OPs diffulties. This site seems to be getting less supportive.

It's not an emergancy. It was known about. First day sure. After that then yeah they should but understanding but offer for them to take annual or unpaid leave isntead

@moonspiral Employers say first day only. The courts say different. The term is unexpected disruption, not sudden.

Don’t take my word for it though - the employee in RBS vs Harrison knew about it 2 weeks before - the tribunal found in her favour.

I assumed that the OP's arms were holding her crutches, so not free to pick up her baby.

Being on crutches is a pain, you don't have a hand free to carry anything. I got sick and tired of standing in the kitchen drinking my tea, because I couldn't carry it to the sofa, until a kind friend bought me a Thermos.

Anyway, the DH's employer is being a bit of a shit imo.

@lucie333
I have bad rheumatoid arthritis and was seriously ill with it after having both my babies - it flares due to pregnancy hormones and lack of meds as I couldn't take them during pregnancy
On bad periods we would set everything up in the living room - food, changing stuff, tv, phone drinks, somewhere safe to leave baby if I needed to go to the loo and basically I would camp there all day
It affected all my joints not just my knees so I really struggled to even pick babies up sometimes due to my hands let alone walk but with prep days were manageable, not always enjoyable but fine. It feels like it insurmountable but really especially temporarily it's fine.
Unfortunately I have had RA 25yrs so I've had lots of practice.

I have also carried baby in a sling when on crutches but that depends if you have a good sling and that baby isn't too big.

update

I managed to get my nana to take my oldest to nursery in morning and she's coming back for my 1 year old to take him to nursery at lunch time. Miracle happened over night and it's no longer painful to walk without crutches but still using them when I need to! Managed to get my 1 year old up the stairs for a nap! So far so good ! Not enjoyable but better than us both being out of work

Ah that sounds tough OP, glad you're sorted for today. Hopefully each day you'll see more improvement. It's really shit when people have no support at all nearby at times like this.

@lucie333 hopefully better and better each day now. Rest up as much as possible

Just to clarify, the right to time off for these emergencies is purely for the carer to make arrangements for the dependent, it gives no right to extended time off to do the caring. (Employment lawyer).

@fishingfor

Great to know for future! But what if no other care is available, they are both our children after all? I dislocated my knee I couldn't walk for the first 3 days, was still feeling the affects of morphine after 2/3 days from discharge from hospital. Definitely in no fit state to be looking after 2 young kids

Unfortunately you need to find other care. Obviously when pushed you managed to find someone (nana) to help.

This is what parents have to do; whether it's a friend or relative or paying for childcare that the person working can take to and from before / after work.

Harder for single parents and those who have chronic health conditions or children with additional needs.

If your injury was sustained at work should they not be providing some help/ support?