To be annoyed at DH?

[Pissedoffandcovidy]

(Name changed as all the detail quite identifying) Would you be annoyed if you told your DH who was on a 3 day jolly in a European capital that you had tested positive for covid while looking after 3 kids, and after a “what” to the pic of test, completely ignored follow up text explaining how I tested after feeling like shot and also a phone call. I know this a is a UK site where covid testing is frowned upon but I was due in office for important senior meetings for 3 days at start of week, our work (not in uk) still has strict WFH for covid and it would go down like a cup of warm vomit if I went in coughing and sneezing and one of the VIPs then caught covid. The people he’s away with are very anti-covid but surely you would check in if the careminder for your kids said they were feeling awful? This was after messages I sent this morning with cute pics of the kids, a FaceTime from the kids and a cheery message asking an opinion on a dress were ignored for 4-6 hours (dress one still hasn’t been responded to). Might be influenced by this being one of 3 jollies he has had/will have in the space of 6 weeks (all pleasure, work trips are on top of that).
AIBU to be pissed off at this stage?

The dresses are for an event we’re going to next week. I have to choose one and return one, and he usually has good taste also the people he is with like fashion so I was curious to see if they had a view. My family were v happy to give opinions!

To be honest you sound draining! None, and I mean none, of what you mention is his fault. Do you want him to board the next flight home? Just let him enjoy his hol ffs. And "big" job? What's a big job?

Are you always this needy?

That was this morning and now striken with covid feeling dreadful?

YABU. He did call - you just couldn't answer. If my DH was away I wouldn't be asking him about dresses etc! He's probably fed up of you messaging him. He's home tomorrow.

Not evenly split at all amongst those posting!!

So go to bed and stop stressing over things you can't control.

He's coming home tomorrow - there's absolutely nothing he can do to help you until then, so why not focus on what you can do, which is sleep and rest?

A big job is one where a man would usually have a SAHM/part time wife at home to help. My DH also has a v busy job so with the holiday trips on top or when anything goes wrong (sick children or childminder) it feels like the wheels just come off. Hence why I was so down this morning, feeling like shit not sure whether I had adhd or just too much going on (although he was getting only cheery texts re dresses and waffles)

@MeMyCatsAndMyBooks I’m the opposite of needy usually. I have a tendency to bottle things up which is why it is so out of character for me to have said on the family WhatsApp how down I was. The covid explains it (a bit - also been a very stressful week)

A big job is one where a man would usually have a SAHM/part time wife at home to help

Do you have an example? Seems an odd thing to say that's all.

I think if he's away for 3 days he's away. Maybe he responded with a WHAT was because he thought for a second it was a pregnancy test!
I'm unsure why you messaged. The picture of the test seems a bit odd. If you felt shit did you want him to come home? If not then I wouldn't have bothered telling him. I also wouldn't have told him you've sorted the car insurance out or moaned about an on line shopping substitution.

Regards the amount of 'jollies' he's had. Sometimes life just falls like that, eg groups of friends all turning 40/50 or maybe a couple of stag dos and a golf weekend. If that's the case and you're not happy, I think youvshould have spoken earlier. I really think when partners are 'away' they shouldn't be tied to calls or texts especially at set times. Likewise a night out. No need to text your OH at 8 or 10 or ask at 11 if he'll be home soon. This of course works both ways. You're clearly 'owed' a bit of me time where you can leave him to manage everything whilst you enjoy yourself....and ignore his texts asking where the jam is.

He’s just messaged to say sorry babe the phone died!
I replied with a smiley face.
i guess there isn’t much he can do. We generally try and support each other through this life.
I am a bit pissed off about the 3 trips though.

@HeidiIou i guess it’s one that requires more than full time hours (along the lines of C-suite) and as I can’t easily do more than 50 hours (with the kids) I’m often feeling like I’m failing and stressed.

I would be pissed off too. Doesn’t seem like much caring is going on. Plus all the jollies - that’s another matter.

I’ve just checked - I was away with some of the kids last week, he was at home with one as he had to work, and he sent me pics of both waffles and a bill that needed to be paid - both of which I responded to within an hour. I didn’t realise I should have been totally affronted instead!

Really amazed by these responses. It's just showing you care to send messages from the kids and for him to respond to your covid text. Isn't that how you keep a relationship going? The relationship isnt transactional. Christ alive!!

Don’t worry about opinions on the dress - if you have Covid, you definitely should not be going anywhere.

Wow these replies 😳 how dare you send pictures of your children to your spouse while he's away, and how dare you let him know you have covid!! Let the man enjoy his multiple holidays alone, and please make sure you struggle in silence so as not to inconvenience him 🤣
In all seriousness I'd be fuming if I were you, if my husband didn't reply to me saying I had covid or sending him updates about the kids I would feel really dismissed. I hope you feel ok, covid was tough on me, I couldn't imagine doing it alone with 3 kids!

Agreed!

@Ireallycantthinkofagoodone thats why I tested today rather than tomorrow (just before having to go into work) so the isolation rules would start and I could go. I’m desperate to go (so is he).

Wow I’m amazed at these responses you’re getting. Of course YANBU, if I was sick I would expect some sympathy from DH. Especially as he seems to be having these fun trips often, the least he could do is make sure you’re ok.

YABU not to have expected the unhinged MN antivaxx crowd to get triggered by your mention of Covid.

I would absolutely expect a sympathetic text from DH if I was at home, ill and looking after the children, and he was away on a jolly. A simple 'oh no, how are you feeling?' I wouldn't expect him to return home or actually do anything unless I was at death's door.

Strange responses here - op's husband isn't in a covert mission requiring 100% attention and detachment from family life, he's on a jolly and presumably has time to keep in touch with his family occasionally.

YANBU OP although I'm not surprised by the comments you've had. I mean, I'm an independent woman too, but I like to think the people I care about care back? I don't think that's needy.

@Pissedoffandcovidy wow I'm amazed at the amount of heat you're getting on this. YANBU I think a text is the very least he could do. Holiday or not, it's very inconsiderate. It will be worse as well because you're feeling shit. Hope you feel better soon OP