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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Surprise Parties

14 replies

FelicityFlops · 22/04/2023 18:32

I am old, but my parents organised a surprise party on my 18th birthday. It nearly went pear-shaped, but was greatish on the day.
One reason it nearly didn't work was thar my mother asked my boyfriend to invite guests during another party, meaning that he was away and back from me the entire evening, which I found really strange and inexplicable.
On the evening before my birthday I was "working", which meant driving a friend to fulfil a dinner party catering job. When I got home the parents were still up, in the kitchen and giggling. I went into the larder and the diningroom, but did not twig that there was anything going on - it was late and I was tired.
Next morning, my birthday, I was in bed, when my oldest fried came romping into my room exhorting me to get up and put on something "pretty" why?
Whilst drying my hair in my parents' bedroom, I saw friends coming down the road. Heard them arrive and then heard my mother say "mow you can make a noise!".
Am I being an old fart in thinking that my parents had no idea that this was not what I wanted? To be fair they did a fantastic job, but I wonder, to this day, how much they underestimated my character and personality. Although, obviously I appreciated the sentiment and effort. The only downside was that I had to drive my boyfriend home, so could not drink. Also I do not remember where my younger siblings were and if they joined in. I would rather have had a family lunch somewhere pleasant and delicious - or cooked it myself - right or wrong?
What would your reaction have been?

OP posts:
WhisperingAutistic · 22/04/2023 18:43

As an autistic I'd have probably cried and refused to come out of the bedroom 🤣
A surprise party is my idea of hell.

Chewmeric · 22/04/2023 18:50

I'd have preferred a sedate lunch too, OP. I'm not a fan of parties.

I have a friend whose sister wanted to organise a huge surprise party for her 30th. This sister had spent the friend's whole life bullying her. Friend didn't want this 'surprise' party that her sister had been telling her about for weeks. I told my friend that if she didn't want the party she'd have to woman up and tell her sister or just not go. Friend endured the party rather than her sister's wrath. She had a great time 😆

I do wonder if surprise parties are often about the organiser rather than the person they're supposed to be celebrating.

Pahpahpotato · 22/04/2023 18:54

I’d have been very touched they went to all that trouble to organise all that for me. I think if a gesture is genuinely meant well, it’s hard to be displeased with whoever did the organising!
as it happens, i would bloody love a surprise party, but I’m an extrovert who loves parties!

FelicityFlops · 22/04/2023 20:30

I was surprised, maybe flattered, but confused.

OP posts:
tigger1001 · 22/04/2023 20:36

A surprise party is my idea of hell and I would likely walk out.

RunnyPaint · 22/04/2023 21:07

When my nephew (on DH's side) turned 18, we all (extended family) turned up at the pub his parents had gone on a walk with him to. That was a nice surprise for him. Or, at least he pretended to be happy 😊

carriedout · 22/04/2023 21:09

Surprise parties are my idea of hell, I'd have cried and run away!

I think people who organise them are awful, really.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 22/04/2023 21:12

I would hate a surprise party.

coodawoodashooda · 22/04/2023 21:14

I hate surprises

UsingChangeofName · 22/04/2023 22:16

I would hate a surprise party, which is why I arrange parties for my 'big' birthdays myself. I get to invite the people I want and I get to make the arrangements I want - whether that is a lunch out, an evening meal, and afternoon tea, a BBQ at home, to do nothing, or to have a big party in a hall. It is my day and I prefer to know what is happening.

CeriB82 · 22/04/2023 22:24

Id walk out of any party organised for me. Dont care who arranged it nor who I offend.

JustKeepSlimming · 23/04/2023 06:58

I hate surprise parties too. Or any kind of surprise - I'd much rather enjoy the build up and excitement.

My ILs LOVE a surprise though. They're forever planning surprise parties, or planning to surprise each other by turning up unexpectedly at things.

It's taken me quite a few years to persuade DH that I really don't enjoy it and I much prefer to be involved in the planning!

MathsNervous · 23/04/2023 07:01

Can't stand surprises. I wouldn't do it to my DC either.

GoodChat · 23/04/2023 07:14

I don't like surprise parties either. The person who it's for always either looks super awkward or faux surprised because the organiser let the cat out of the bag somehow.

I never understand how people can be surprised once they've been told to dress nice then arrive at the local conservative club, to be honest Grin

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