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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Which parent BU

26 replies

Chateaulaohshit · 22/04/2023 11:56

Please tell me which parent is being unreasonable…

Our DD 16 is going to her friends house this afternoon/tonight, friend lives half an hour away in the city centre and we live rurally.

Parent A picked both DD and her friend up the other day from another town even further that our village and ran DD’s friend home, dinner for both parents ended up being at 10pm by then.

Parent A thinks we should drop DD off at friends house today (3ish) and pick back up at 9pm as that’s what parents of teenagers do

Parent B thinks it’s Saturday night and while we can should pick DD up it should be on our time frame and not interfere with Saturday evening/dinner plans, they have suggested a 7.30/8 pick up or as a 2nd option DD can get the bus home and we can pick her up off the bus from neighbouring village bus stop

As a side note DD’s friends parents are very good at doing the running back and forward, this post is not a dig at them we also do a lot taxiing about with all 3 of our DC and friends and do so because it was our choice to move rurally however trying to work out how much independence to give and what is the correct balance in terms of DC social lives and couple time.

OP posts:
Mumblechum0 · 22/04/2023 11:58

Book a taxi?

Itsnotclean · 22/04/2023 12:05

Neither unreasonable
if parent b is happy going to collect at 9 let them crack on
can’t see how it impacts parent if they do that

Original poster
Chateaulaohshit · 22/04/2023 12:09

Itsnotclean · 22/04/2023 12:05

Neither unreasonable
if parent b is happy going to collect at 9 let them crack on
can’t see how it impacts parent if they do that

Well because both parents work full time, life is busy with DC and both look forward to a cooking a nice dinner together on a Saturday evening, glass of wine and catching up with news from the week

An hour long trip on the midst of this alters it.

OP posts:
Flatandhappy · 22/04/2023 12:10

Nobody is being unreasonable, there are just two different perspectives.

Wishitsnows · 22/04/2023 12:12

I would pick her up.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 22/04/2023 12:23

I agree neither are unreasonable and all seem like sensible options, it just come down to a matter of opinion. I guess whoever is actually doing the picking up gets to decide.

SnoopyTwirl · 22/04/2023 12:25

I would pick her up. x

titchy · 22/04/2023 12:26

I'd have thought the bus was a good option if it's reasonably safe and reliable? She is 16 not 10....

Confusedteacher · 22/04/2023 12:28

Can’t she just sleep over? That’s what my DD tends to do. Otherwise, if the bus option is reasonably safe and at a decent time I’d do that.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 22/04/2023 12:28

I would let her get the bus or book a cab

NoSquirrels · 22/04/2023 12:29

Give teen the choice? Pick up at 7.30pm, or get the bus.

nomoredriving · 22/04/2023 12:29

Bus, she's 16 not 6!

FawnFrenchieMum · 22/04/2023 12:29

Depends how often it’s being asked. DS16 GF lives about 25 mins away.
We do a mixture. Sometimes I make him get the bus, other times I for go my Friday / Sat glass of wine and chill in pjs because I’ve agreed to go get him.
One off, I’d do it. Regular ask, I’d say maybe every other week?

FawnFrenchieMum · 22/04/2023 12:30

NoSquirrels · 22/04/2023 12:29

Give teen the choice? Pick up at 7.30pm, or get the bus.

and yes, also this, sometimes I give him a choice. I’ll do it but only at ‘X’ time when it suits me.

Beetrootlover82 · 22/04/2023 12:32

Why I am so so pleased that my children are growing up surrounded by brilliant transport links

I grew up in a village. Absolutely hated being 16 and beholden to my parents

PixieLaLa · 22/04/2023 12:34

Totally agree with DH she can get the bus

BellaJuno · 22/04/2023 12:39

I’d pick up, it’s part of living rurally with a teenager. Can’t you have dinner together then one of you picks up whilst the other does the clearing up and open the wine when you’re back home?

Not sure why you had to have dinner at 10pm the other day either, couldn’t you have had it before collecting them?

KrisAkabusi · 22/04/2023 12:40

Chateaulaohshit · 22/04/2023 12:09

Well because both parents work full time, life is busy with DC and both look forward to a cooking a nice dinner together on a Saturday evening, glass of wine and catching up with news from the week

An hour long trip on the midst of this alters it.

Show quote history

That's what happens when you have children!

Nevermind31 · 22/04/2023 12:42

You choose to live rurally. It means being a cab service for teenagers…
why can’t parents eat earlier?

Mariposista · 22/04/2023 12:43

Of the bus option is safe, go for that.
Alternatively, and if funds allow, go out yourselves in town, catch a film,have a nice dinner, whatever, then meet her after. Not sustainable every weekend of course but once in a while it’s nice to have Saturday night not at home.

Coffeellama · 22/04/2023 12:45

I’d pick her up. You moved rurally and had a teenager, it’s just part of it. One of you has to wait until 9.30 for your glass of wine, you will live! You can both go on the drive if you don’t want to miss any chatting.

Gruell · 22/04/2023 12:55

Can she not just sleep over?

TidyDancer · 22/04/2023 12:57

Well surely the parent who is happy to pick up later just does the pick up? I'm not sure why this is an issue?

honeylulu · 22/04/2023 13:01

Living rurally is shit for teenagers. You should be making the effort to facilitate her social life. Though if there is a bus and the journey is safe I think that is reasonable for a 16 year old. Or pre book a taxi for her. I like to chill at home and drink wine in a Saturday evening and have rarely had to drive somewhere to collect my teen but we do live near the town centre and he can get around easily ... if you choose to live in the arse end of nowhere you will need to put yourself out more often for stuff like this.

LumpyandBumps · 22/04/2023 13:34

Why are so many people saying they would pick up?
The OP makes it very clear that she or her partner will be picking DD up. The only question is regarding the actual time of collection.