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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why are men such babies when they’re sick??

44 replies

JanS17 · 22/04/2023 09:16

Just that really. I had a tummy bug on Thursday/Friday and got on with things as normal. Looked after my 4 month old as much as I could and my DH did no more than normal (also meaning my 4m old was exposed to my illness…)

Now my DH has the tummy bug and is rolling around in bed moaning like he’s going to die and unable to lift a finger to help with the baby or anything else.

Do men genuinely feel worse when they’re unwell or does he just milk it?? He’s always like this when he has any sort of minor illness and it drives me batty. Am I being TA or should he suck it up and do his fair share?

OP posts:
Curiosity101 · 22/04/2023 11:15

@MeDoDoDo My periods have never been painful. You can't honestly believe every woman has discomfort or pain during their period?

ColdHandsHotHead · 22/04/2023 11:30

Did his mother encourage this? I'm a terrible wimp about pain and illness but I was brought up to be. A couple of years ago I had a piece of coursework and a fortnight to complete it in with an immovable deadline. I went down with a stinking cold, and surprised myself by not only turning up for work every day but doing three or four hours each evening on my coursework. Since then I've tended to tell myself to get up and get on with it when I've had a cold.

ColdHandsHotHead · 22/04/2023 11:32

Curiosity101 · 22/04/2023 11:15

@MeDoDoDo My periods have never been painful. You can't honestly believe every woman has discomfort or pain during their period?

What MeDoDo said was that she'd yet to hear of one. You're putting words in her mouth.

MeDoDoDo · 22/04/2023 11:36

@Curiosity101 considering the hormones cause the uterus to contract and that period pain isn't just limited to the uterus but affects lots of other areas, I am saying that you are the first person I have come across, either in real life, or my 17 years on MN or the internet without me actually searching out women who experience painless periods. Personally I feel like I am in labour every month but most women don't need a TENs machine to get through their periods, I am at the horrific end of the spectrum. I assumed most women felt some discomfort. I am pleased for you that you are pain free.

Katieandthekids · 22/04/2023 11:37

Hahahahah omg so relate to this. It's so annoying 😂

Original poster
JanS17 · 22/04/2023 11:38

Precipice · 22/04/2023 11:03

Many of these dramatic men are also the type to be dramatic in respect of other inconveniences. My experience is that the people who react with anger and upset and essentially throw a strop when things don't go their way are usually men. It's the same tendency applied in another situation, at least in the illness scenario without rage.

You’re so right DH is exactly like this. Any minor inconvenience is the worst thing that’s ever happened. Whereas I’m much more just get on with it…

OP posts:
Original poster
JanS17 · 22/04/2023 11:41

ColdHandsHotHead · 22/04/2023 11:30

Did his mother encourage this? I'm a terrible wimp about pain and illness but I was brought up to be. A couple of years ago I had a piece of coursework and a fortnight to complete it in with an immovable deadline. I went down with a stinking cold, and surprised myself by not only turning up for work every day but doing three or four hours each evening on my coursework. Since then I've tended to tell myself to get up and get on with it when I've had a cold.

Yes I think she did she’s very placid. And his dad had a long term illness and never worked because of it which I think had an impact on how he sees illness.

I’m peeved cos I’ve barely slept in a week, I’m still not fully recovered, and he still hasn’t dragged his arse out of bed this morning despite me being up with DD since 6am and already doing the food shop…

OP posts:
Botw1 · 22/04/2023 11:42

@TreadLight

How many women phone in sick because of childcare issues?

Original poster
JanS17 · 22/04/2023 11:42

TreadLight · 22/04/2023 11:41

https://www.ons.gov.uk/employmentandlabourmarket/peopleinwork/employmentandemployeetypes/datasets/sicknessabsenceinthelabourmarket

Sickness absence rates are about 40% higher for women compared with men. Certainly when it comes to paid work, the headline statistics suggest it is the men who carry on despite being ill.

This is really interesting and I wonder how it splits generationally.

OP posts:
Dontcutthedaisies · 22/04/2023 11:43

It's not men, it's your man.
In my family it's the women who are crap at being ill, including myself. My dad and ds never complain when they're ill, stoic as they come, unlike me. I had a very small op on my foot last week and honestly you'd think I'd had my leg chopped off 😂.

gamerchick · 22/04/2023 11:47

Ask him. Ask him why he gets to go to bed and be ill when you're not allowed.

I'd be doing no running about after him.

TreadLight · 22/04/2023 11:49

Table 19, across all age groups women take significantly more sick leave than men until 65+, when the men catch up.

This is even the case in the 16 to 24 age group, before many people have child caring responsibilities.

honeylulu · 22/04/2023 11:54

The sick leave thing is interesting because it suggests men are willing and able to "soldier on" at work or what they seem to reflect their worth, but will milk it at home to get out of domestic responsibilities which they consider beneath them.

MoserRothOrangeandAlmond · 22/04/2023 12:50

I've found minor illnesses the whinging, the moaning and groaning grates on me.
The two times he has been seriously ill (asthma attack and ended up in resus and the second time having x2 unexplained seizures and was in hospital for a week) he hardly complained.

I did ask him the other week to be honest how ill he was feeling (he had a sniffle and he said he felt horrendous) as if he felt as bad as he was going on about I wouldn't be able to leave him incase it triggered another seizure. Sure enough the next minute he had been in the shower and came down dressed properly (not the dressing gown of doom).
I've said it's like the boy who cried wolf!

MoserRothOrangeandAlmond · 22/04/2023 12:54

@honeylulu yes, my husband is never off work, would rather plough on or take a flexi day rather than sick. The day he came out of hospital he was on a teams call 'to help out' he just had his cannula taken out of his arm and was signed off sick!

Botw1 · 22/04/2023 13:02

@TreadLight

I think its probably related to what @honeylulu said

Men are less likely to take time off sick because they think work has value.

Women more likely to because their told its less important for them/they really should be at home anyway

PussBilledDuckyPlait · 22/04/2023 13:03

Generalisation. I don't think this is a specifically male trait.

Original poster
JanS17 · 22/04/2023 13:06

MoserRothOrangeandAlmond · 22/04/2023 12:50

I've found minor illnesses the whinging, the moaning and groaning grates on me.
The two times he has been seriously ill (asthma attack and ended up in resus and the second time having x2 unexplained seizures and was in hospital for a week) he hardly complained.

I did ask him the other week to be honest how ill he was feeling (he had a sniffle and he said he felt horrendous) as if he felt as bad as he was going on about I wouldn't be able to leave him incase it triggered another seizure. Sure enough the next minute he had been in the shower and came down dressed properly (not the dressing gown of doom).
I've said it's like the boy who cried wolf!

I don’t think my DH has actually ever been seriously unwell. Maybe that’s the problem, he doesn’t know what being actually unwell feels like.

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