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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Getting through this morning

15 replies

hollydolly252 · 22/04/2023 07:41

Not a poo troll before anyone says it.

I have IBS which is hugely brought on by anxiety. I have food triggers too but 90% of the time if I'm at home I'm ok and can control things. However travel is a real issue for me because being away from a toilet makes me massively anxious and on edge. This in turn makes the IBS symptoms much worse and I've lost count of the amount of times I've found myself in blind panic hunting for loos in unfamiliar places.

Anyway this morning I have to take ds to an important football match about 40 minutes away. The pitch is in the middle of nowhere and there are no facilities. It's just a field and a car park. I can't not take him but I am already getting worked up. I'm considering Imodium but this doesn't always work. I hate that I'm like this. Nobody else seems to have this issue and can just go through daily life without having their bowels control them.

Worse case scenario I could leave the match if I really need to and drive somewhere to find a toilet but it would take a while because of the remote location. I'd miss the game and it'd look odd to the other parents.

Does anyone else suffer like this? I'm so so sick of it ruling my life.

OP posts:

Want2beme · 22/04/2023 08:10

There are so many people living with this, to one extent or another. My DMs life is ruled by hers. She's had more tests recently, and nothing else was detected, just her ongoing diverticulitis.

Hope you manage ok. I can't think of anything to suggest, sorry. .

DustyLee123 · 22/04/2023 08:11

Have you tried medication for your anxiety ?

Original poster

hollydolly252 · 22/04/2023 08:23

DustyLee123 · 22/04/2023 08:11

Have you tried medication for your anxiety ?

Yes tried a few things. Citalopram didn't do much other than dull my mood. I have beta blockers to try and reduce the panic but it doesn't alter the thoughts. It's strange because in general I'm not an anxious person, it's just all centred around this issue. I wouldn't be anxious going to a new place if I knew there'd be toilets, but I'd be anxious for the journey because I know I'd be away from a toilet for a while if you see what I mean.

I know a lot of people have IBS, I just feel like I let it control my thoughts and my life so much. I feel like nobody else at the football is going to be worrying about the lack of loos, they'll be enjoying the match. I can't enjoy anything.

OP posts:

DustyLee123 · 22/04/2023 08:26

I always worry about finding a loo for a wee, so I do understand. I’ve even considered buying a really small camper van with a porta potty, just to give me confidence. Mad I know !

DDivaStar · 22/04/2023 08:28

Google now so you know exactly where to head if you need to. Supermarkets, pubs,garden centres. Then you've at least got a plan.

InSpainTheRain · 22/04/2023 08:46

Locate the nearest loos using googlemaps so you feel safe.
If you feel you need to go just say "I best be off and complete my errands, see you at the end of the match"
Wear a fleece jumper round your waist or a long coat - makes you feel more confident that if something happens no one sees.

AnotherSaturdayNight · 22/04/2023 09:08

Lots of good ideas already on here. In your position I would Google shops etc local to the area, wear a large sanitary towel (not going to stop a full on flood, but mentally it makes me feel better). Take Imodium instants with you. Spare clothes, tissues, carrier bag and a blanket in the car. Wrap something like a hoodie around your waist. Have an excuse ready if you need to leave or fake receiving an urgent phone call and walk off. Being more in control will help to calm your nerves and hopefully calm your bowel.

Mightyouandiconfabulate · 22/04/2023 09:22

I am absolutely sure that you have all of these suggestions as standard practice every day anyway due to your condition. (Google maps etc)
It is a literal loss of control of your bowels if you can’t get to a loo and it’s the wholehearted fucking blind panic at something going wrong. The pain when trying to (and failing) to control what has overtaken your whole being is devastating.

I do shit like not eat for 24 hours before so there’s nothing there. (Still have pain and urgency though)
I get you op, sympathies, and best of luck x

Original poster

hollydolly252 · 22/04/2023 09:47

I actually think the fear of it happening is worse. Like if I actually ever did shit myself it would be awful but I'd deal with it. The feeling of sheer panic and not knowing what to do or where to go when your bowels are churning is horrible. I hate it.

Anyway crisis averted today as the little cubicle that is usually locked on match days is open today. And I've visited it already. But I'm sure there be other incidents like this in future, wish there was a magic cure.

OP posts:

Rarar · 22/04/2023 09:57

This is me, completely, mornings are always worse and anxiety of any sort makes it ten times worse again. Buscopan works for me, I take two when I get up if I know I have to go out and by the time I'm ready to go my stomach has settled. I know they don't work for everyone but thought they were worth a mention.

Mightyouandiconfabulate · 22/04/2023 10:06

I would love to be able to just breeze out the door and go somewhere without giving it a second thought.

WFH has revolutionised my anxiety levels.

Travel for work tends to mean places with rows of toilet cubicles so I don’t have the awful embarrassment of the explosive shits with the sounds and smells and pain that brings. Plus hotel rooms do I can “nip to my room as I forgot something “.

I still have to kind of starve myself to reduce the symptoms because in meetings once my stomach starts, not being able to sit still, not squirm with the pain and discomfort and weird loud noises is equally as debilitating and around lots of people in close quarters.
Throw into the mix horrendous period pains… JOY!!

Eggseggseverywhere · 22/04/2023 10:08

Tell me to stfu is appropriate but have you been diagnosed by a specialist or just a GP op? My adult dd was told ibs for years. Turns out she actually has Chrone's Disease. She was sent to a private women's hospital (on NHS) and they said they would be giving her answers..

FawnFrenchieMum · 22/04/2023 10:09

Crohn’s suffer here, so I absolutely do suffer like this all the time.
Sometimes I have to resort to the incontinence pants, I don’t wear them often but for situations like this where there will be no toilet, it just gives that piece of mind. I held off trying them for years and I felt like I was giving in or something but actually they are fine and I feel a lot more relaxed.
Keep a bag of spare clothes and wipes etc in the car at all times.
Radar key and can’t wait card to help explain in shops etc.

Eggseggseverywhere · 22/04/2023 10:13

Oops bad spelling. Haven't got my specs on!
Crohn's.. 😳

Original poster

hollydolly252 · 22/04/2023 16:59

@Eggseggseverywhere I have wondered if there's more going on. I also have bleeding and piles (might as well give you my whole area history now we're here!!!) but I have had two colonoscopies albeit several years ago and all was clear. I do think a lot of mine is anxiety/mental health related because I don't suffer nearly as badly if I'm at home or in safe surroundings.

OP posts:

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