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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How to stop overthinking?!

21 replies

Lollipop20 · 22/04/2023 05:55

Ok so anxiety has been building over the last couple of months and that’s due to a few things such as just general anxiety and then some of my relatives falling quite poorly and also find that when I’m tired my anxiety is worsened which is tough when you have a 3 year-old who wants to get up at 6 o’clock in the mornings. However, today I made a mistake at work which could’ve lost us quite a big amount of work moving forward. It was completely innocent and non offensive etc however, could be costly to who we are working with. It was careless and I think because I feel like I’m juggling too much and holding it in silly mistakes are now seeping through and this is the straw that’s broke the camels back.Anyway, I know this mistake and feeling has the potential to consume my whole weekend and ruin my down time with my husband and daughter so I wondered if anybody had any tips on what helps them when they feel like this and what helps stops their anxiety taking over completely. Thanks

OP posts:

AlisonDonut · 22/04/2023 06:00

Is there anyone you can call or anything you can do quickly this morning to rectify it?

I'd probably do that even if it meant shutting something technical down for the weekend and resolve it on monday. Or get someone else to. Or let your boss know so that they can.

if not, just let your boss know asap.

matisses6fingers · 22/04/2023 06:03

Ahhhh OP you poor thing. I’m the same though - hence why I’m awake at 6am worried about all the work things I need to do next week.

i feel like the blind leading the blind here but try to think whether this is going to be a problem in 6 months time, a years time, 5 years time.
probably not.

also, you made a mistake. It happens. Have you told your husband? Sometimes explaining it to someone who’s not close to the event can make you rationalise your feelings.

i also don’t say this lightly but in your position I’d consider taking some sick leave to get some downtime and breathing space. Your family needs you ti be functioning properly and you’re struggling at the moment.

giving you a big bear hug hug OP. The struggle with anxiety and “too much on your plate” resonates deeply with me.

Lulu1919 · 22/04/2023 06:05

I'm a terrible over thinker ...people who,do t struggle with this just dont get it do they .
I've had ...just switch off when you get home or worrying won't change anything
I KNOW !!!!!
No great tips sorry ...but just an understanding x

Strugglingtodomybest · 22/04/2023 06:11

The book 'Women Who Think Too Much' really helped me.

Original poster

Lollipop20 · 22/04/2023 06:13

Yeah I have tried to but I realised at 8 o clock last night 🤦‍♀️- I’ve told my director and tbf he was great and said ‘cock ups happen’ I’m dealing with really senior stakeholders so it’s added pressure to do the right thing and it’s going to be a situation where I’m going to have to let it play out- essentially miscommunication (and working on my Friday day off when I’m with my daughter) meant I actioned something that was mentioned the day before not to action due to some commercial sensitivities which in my half mum/half work mind I completely forgot about. Anyway the lesson learnt is to stop working on my day off and just enjoy it with my daughter! Thanks for replying xx

OP posts:

Original poster

Lollipop20 · 22/04/2023 06:14

Ahh ok that’s interesting what were the key takeaways from the book? Definitely open to trying new things!

OP posts:

Original poster

Lollipop20 · 22/04/2023 06:17

@matisses6fingers Yeah I have tried to but I realised at 8 o clock last night 🤦‍♀️- I’ve told my director and tbf he was great and said ‘cock ups happen’ I’m dealing with really senior stakeholders so it’s added pressure to do the right thing and it’s going to be a situation where I’m going to have to let it play out- essentially miscommunication (and working on my Friday day off when I’m with my daughter) meant I actioned something that was mentioned the day before not to action due to some commercial sensitivities which in my half mum/half work mind I completely forgot about. Anyway the lesson learnt is to stop working on my day off and just enjoy it with my daughter! Thanks for replying xx

OP posts:

autienotnaught · 22/04/2023 06:19

autienotnaught · 22/04/2023 06:23

Be aware of your thoughts, when they come in try not to engage in them and breath through.
If you are struggling try grounding yourself, look for 5 things you can see, 4 you can hear, 3 you can feel, 2 you can smell and 1 you can taste.
Try the 4,7,8 breathing exercise- in for 4, hold for 7, out for 8.
Distraction, tv, podcast, activity with family.,

Original poster

Lollipop20 · 22/04/2023 06:23

@Lulu1919 yh it’s really difficult I said yo my partner yesterday when he said that’s it’s happened now and to move on and not let it ruin our weekend together I just replied with ‘it’s like having a broken leg and someone telling you to walk it off’

OP posts:

Original poster

Lollipop20 · 22/04/2023 06:34

@AlisonDonut Yeah I have tried to but I realised at 8 o clock last night 🤦‍♀️- I’ve told my director and tbf he was great and said ‘cock ups happen’ I’m dealing with really senior stakeholders so it’s added pressure to do the right thing and it’s going to be a situation where I’m going to have to let it play out which obviously isn’t great for anxiety haha I am one of those people who deal with it head on as that helps my anxiety but can’t do anything more over the weekend- it’s not something I’ll lose my job over let’s put it like that lol l, but just one of those human error mistakes that could be costly even though underneath it all I was just trying to do the right thing 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

OP posts:

Hairbrushhandle · 22/04/2023 06:38

This weekend I'd just try and keep busy. Lots of physical tasks, scrub the patio, clear out the garage, go for a meal out etc. So you're on the move and not sitting dwelling.

Longer term it sounds like you need an organisation system to keep on top of talks and notes. Try a bullet journal. It's transformed my working life.

lucylantern · 22/04/2023 06:45

Hairbrushhandle · 22/04/2023 06:38

This weekend I'd just try and keep busy. Lots of physical tasks, scrub the patio, clear out the garage, go for a meal out etc. So you're on the move and not sitting dwelling.

Longer term it sounds like you need an organisation system to keep on top of talks and notes. Try a bullet journal. It's transformed my working life.

How do you use the bullet journal for work?

Original poster

Lollipop20 · 22/04/2023 06:50

@Hairbrushhandle @lucylantern I would like to know this as well

OP posts:

Original poster

Lollipop20 · 22/04/2023 06:51

@autienotnaught thank you for this, I’m currently lying between my husband and daughter in bed who are both fast asleep which is really helping me tbh so will take what else you said on board

OP posts:

stayathomer · 22/04/2023 06:57

I had this last week. It ate up my whole week even though people in work told me it wasn’t as big as I was thinking. It’s on a smaller level in that it’s a shop but it was something that could have affected other branches. Monday morning most people had a story of similar things they’d done and it was like a load taken off but then I couldn’t believe I’d let something get to me that much. If your director says ‘cock ups happen’, then try to honestly accept that! Plus set yourself a project of something you’ve been meaning to do so not only will you feel great after, but during you’ll be totally immersed!

Lemonyfuckit · 22/04/2023 07:32

I definitely do this too OP and have been in your shoes where my thoughts and anxieties about work eat into my weekend on many occasions.
I would be really interested to read that book.

Try and focus on the fact you've told your director - you've 'offloaded' the problem in that sense by telling someone senior and they're ok. He's completely right of course, cock ups just do inevitably happen occasionally, everyone has been there. Another thing I try and focus on on a few occasions where I've made a mistake and immediately told the partner, they of course say don't worry it will be fine and then tell me about the 'biggest' mistake they ever made, some of which are quite significant! The point being it's pretty reassuring to know other people have made much larger mistakes and it certainly hasn't hampered their career. He may not have told you but your director will certainly have made mistakes too, everyone has.

Something else which helps me - I recently started taking CBD oil as I read people find it helps with anxiety - I've found it really really does for me - just dials it right down.

Good luck OP with the task of putting it out of mind and enjoying your weekend - work and the mistake will of course be fine.

Original poster

Lollipop20 · 22/04/2023 07:38

@Lemonyfuckit thanks for the message really appreciate it, I’ve been looking at CBD oil, what have you tried and what has it helped with the most? Thanks

OP posts:

JustDanceAddict · 22/04/2023 07:48

I’m the same & would be the same re work! If I make even a small error at work I get really annoyed w myself whether it’s important or not! As my peri brain is so bad I write down everything I need to do as otherwise I just forget which is where most of the errors occur.
If you’ve told your director and he’s ok about it you can at least relax a bit. Maybe it won’t be as bad as you think.

StrawberryBread · 22/04/2023 08:34

CBT and exercise help.

Overthinking and stress can be addictive (I know!) can you surround yourself with people who are level headed and lend a helpful non-dramatic perspective on things?

Pragmatically, try to cut down on your to dos, does your dp help? Can you get someone in to help with household things or the kids?

From a work perspective, think hard how you can correct the situation, how can you make the outcome for your client less bad and be transparent and constructive in how you deal with the fallout. In the future, if handled correctly, this can be a useful 'experience' to talk about in interview, when they ask you tell us about a time when you dealt with something challenging at work.

The most important thing to sort out is getting sleep.

SallyWD · 22/04/2023 08:55

Poor you! I completely understand. I think you just need to focus on the fact it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. You're not going to ruin anyone else's life (or even weekend!). Everyone, I mean everyone! Makes mistakes. Yesterday I managed to break a work laptop worth £1000. I kept thinking about it and actually felt depressed all evening about it (it's the second time!!). DH pointed out I work for a huge, wealthy organisation and this really won't have an impact at all. He said IT will roll their eyes and forget about it. I still feel awful but trying to keep it in perspective. If your boss is fine about it just try to relax.

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