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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

no gift from parents

25 replies

weddingpresentwoes · 22/04/2023 04:20

AIBU to be disappointed that my parents are the only people who didn't get DH & I a wedding gift?

They are well off so it isn't a budget issue, even a token gift like Mr & Mrs mugs would have been better than nothing! We got married last summer. I've never mentioned it to them.

Would you feel hurt too?

OP posts:

DifficultBloodyWoman · 22/04/2023 04:23

I can understand feeling disappointed.

Did they contribute to the wedding in any way? Could they have considered that as their wedding present to you?

Original poster

weddingpresentwoes · 22/04/2023 04:25

no, they didn't contribute to the wedding at all.

OP posts:

hulahoopqueen · 22/04/2023 04:30

My husband's mum did the same, it was a bit upsetting. Not even a card.
Would have been totally understandable had she not bought SIL a £400 pram and £200 cot within the weeks before tbh.

MayhemMostly · 22/04/2023 04:32

Could it be that they felt snubbed? Usually patents of the bride are very much involved with wedding and cover some cost of it etc .

Poppyblush · 22/04/2023 05:49

Have you got married siblings and did they get a gift? It’s odd. Could it have been taken/lost at the wedding?

abmac95 · 22/04/2023 07:20

Is it your first marriage?

Ttbhappy · 22/04/2023 07:24

abmac95 · 22/04/2023 07:20

Is it your first marriage?

Um what's that got to do with the price of fish

mysparkleismissing · 22/04/2023 07:26

I'd be confused.

My parents paid for both my sisters (first) weddings.
They paid nothing towards mine (first and only😄) despite being in a much better financial position

Tourmalines · 22/04/2023 07:30

No , you are NBU . I’ve never ever heard of that before . Maybe ask them .

OrwellianTimes · 22/04/2023 07:39

MayhemMostly · 22/04/2023 04:32

Could it be that they felt snubbed? Usually patents of the bride are very much involved with wedding and cover some cost of it etc .

In the modern era couples tend to do it all themselves. If her parents felt snubbed they really should get over themselves.

Urghfedup · 22/04/2023 07:40

I think the number of weddings the op has had is important. My mate is getting married for the fourth time this summer and I’m fucked if I’m paying another £160 on a present and I’ll wear the same dress as last time!

Riapia · 22/04/2023 07:40

Your wedding was last year and this is still upsetting you?
For the sake of your own sanity ask them outright.

Soonthen · 22/04/2023 07:49

How much did it cost them to come to the wedding? Outfits, travel, stay etc. if that was £££ it could be why. Although no card is rough. I’d ask.

cptartapp · 22/04/2023 07:50

hulahoopqueen · 22/04/2023 04:30

My husband's mum did the same, it was a bit upsetting. Not even a card.
Would have been totally understandable had she not bought SIL a £400 pram and £200 cot within the weeks before tbh.

SIL here got all her wedding paid for and a £10k house deposit DH got nothing.
Expect the favouritisms to continue. Especially if GC come along.

hulahoopqueen · 22/04/2023 07:54

@cptartapp ohh they already have 😅 DSS is firmly on the back burner since golden GD came along, for some reason DH just can't see it, drives me up the wall!

Ladybug14 · 22/04/2023 07:57

Even if its the OPs 5th wedding, you'd expect her parents to buy SOMETHING? Very strange. I'd have to ask!

Ponoka7 · 22/04/2023 07:59

hulahoopqueen · 22/04/2023 04:30

My husband's mum did the same, it was a bit upsetting. Not even a card.
Would have been totally understandable had she not bought SIL a £400 pram and £200 cot within the weeks before tbh.

That depends on the finances of all involved. A pran and cot are essential items.

Do you out earn your MIL? I feel that there isn't anything I could buy for one of my adult DDs. Separately they out earn me, combined they have six times my income. I'd get a personalised card and ask if they wanted anything, but people don't do 'stuff' anymore. The old wedding present lists don't reflect modern day life. I'd probably get good restaurant/butcher vouchers, though. I agree that you need to ask, because it's getting to you still.

Pahpahpotato · 22/04/2023 08:00

its a shame that they didn’t, and I understand why you feel put out, but it’s probably best to try and let this go now OP, it’s been quite a while and unless it’s indicative of larger issues with your relationship with your parents, it’s not worth falling out over.

hulahoopqueen · 22/04/2023 20:49

@Ponoka7 they would have been perfectly able to buy the items themselves, it wasn't a question of financial difficulty.
It's not even the disparity to be honest, it's the fact that she didn't even think to write us a card to open on the day, it would have been a lovely momento to keep and it was that that upset me.
(I'd have been less bothered, had she not presented SIL's dog with a card for her first birthday. But I really need to let this go 😅)

Bashshell · 22/04/2023 20:52

Yanbu this is very rude, I would ask them why. Could it have gone missing in the post?

LoobyLobbyLou · 22/04/2023 21:29

My parents got me and my ex-husband nothing for a present. When I asked I was told “we didn’t know what to get you”, I was worried I had mislaid a cheque or something

As it happens I think they knew something because things couldn’t have been more different with my second wedding!

abmac95 · 23/04/2023 09:19

@Ttbhappy Cause I would get something for the first but not the second.

Thinking is that if the first didn't last neither will the second. Marriage is for life so you shouldn't really expect more than one wedding gift.

Moreorlessmentallystable · 23/04/2023 21:36

We didn't get a present or a card from my father in law and his wife either...I never really asked why but I found it very strange 😔

Awrite · 23/04/2023 21:50

They probably just forgot.

Franticbutterfly · 27/04/2023 11:12

My DH's DS made us a wedding cake in lieu of a gift. It was lumpy and looked absolutely sh!t. They aren't by any means hard up. Tight af though. Think she ballsed it up on purpose tbf.

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