To delay my son starting school and home schooling him?

[FakePlanet]

DS is due to start primary in September. He turns 4 in June so is young for year. We got the place we wanted but..I think i want to delay him starting until Sep 2024, so he will be 5, turning 6 during reception year.

Few things

He has been at a private pre school. They say they aren’t best placed to support his "needs"

Hasn't been diagnosed as still on list but now started private and the consultant says "no doubt on the spectrum" but did say he was confident he could go mainstream school.

He talks but like this "Bobby love mummy. Mummy Bobby best friend"

Reading feels miles away. We can't get through one book at bedtime without him trying to bite down on the pillows or throw toys or try to take his pyjamas off etc.

No concentration. Runs away a lot.

We have found a lovely school but the classes are near 30. The pre school tell me he can only really manage activities with 121 support or very small groups. I cannot imagine for a second him learning or be able to cope with 28 or so other kids in a room.

I just feel one more year would help. Pre school won't have him so would be me asking boss to have time/family/get a nanny a couple of days a week. I work full time and haven't spent as much time as I could focusing on development, getting him to stop hitting me etc felt more like a priority! But I could make progress in a year maybe

But am I setting him to stand out? He will the oldest by some months and he is quite big physically so will be much bigger than the small ones next year.

How common is it? Do people know of kids who do it successfully? Should I just stop worrying?

And the local authority told me to wait until he starts priamry to apply for an EHCP but starting to think that's the wrong advice.

@Nevermind31 pre school actually can meet his needs. They try to give him as much 121 help as they can, they've introduced a tent, a weighted blanket, etc. And he's happy there.

The 'we can't meet his needs as well as the state system" lecture came when it came to choosing primary school. The pre school is attached to a private priamry school and they heaped pressure on me to not put him down for primary there saying the state system would be better for him long term due to their "lack of resources or specialist support"

But day to day the actual staff are good to him and he runs in and has made such progress. It's the schools management.

I'd love him to stay at pre school there for another year as he is happy and learning but I doubt they'll let that happen

@JackiePlace it's also my opinion. I don't see how an untrained parent can be better than a school which has facilities, staff and experience to educate and support children, with or without additional needs. In most cases (maybe not all 🤷🏼) it's the parent that wants to keep their little one with them that's the overriding factor. I'd put the child's needs first is what I'd say. Sorry if you disagree.

Quite. My nail technician confidently said the same. 🙄

Mumsnet is not the place to get home education advice OP.

I would strongly advise looking at Facebook for the huge communities on there Home Education UK or Home Education For All (HEFA) if you want to balance with some of the opinions you have had here.

I agree with the others here. School can be the most unsuitable place imaginable for children with even mild SEN. And it's only getting worse.

I'm a teacher with children in mainstream and think this is a load of rubbish. Why is the childminder so 'confident' - have she much experience in the area?

It's laughable to suggest schools have the resources to support children with SEND. I'm a SENCO and we do our best every day for these children but as many parents of childreb with SEND will attest, schools are woefully underfunded with regards SEND and special school places like gold dust. I have taught children with less ability to keep themselves safe than my 2 year old, but they don't qualify for funding for a TA for every hour of the day because somehow they're expected to fend for themselves now and again. A colleague taught a blind girl who was deemed to need support for her sight impairment in the morning but not the afternoon... The reason so many parents of childreb with SEND home educate is precisely because schools can't provide what they need.

My son (Neuro typical) was August born so I delayed his start by a year so he was already 5 when he started reception.

in your case I would absolutely delay his school start!

Another year may make such a difference in his readiness for school. You’re his parent and you know him best.

It's my opinion. It goes against the other opinions on here. Jesus wept

Most schools will try and do this for their own reasons as opposed to what’s the best for the child. These days it’s pretty common now for deferred to children to go into Reception rather than Year 1, as no school can say that’s in the child’s best interests.

I applied to a delayed start for my son (who is Neuro typical) and all 3 schools I applied to said before would start in Reception and it wasn’t a battle to get them to agree to that at all.

Schools are generally much more educated now around the legislation surrounding the delaying of summer born children.

It can be more of a battle in some areas, but as I said, putting a child straight into Year 1 is quite rare now.

From what I understand of the deferral process, a child needs to be born in August for a deferral to be allowed. And even then the school may not accept it. Additionally some schools that will allow a deferral will place the child into year 1 rather than reception. Whereas other school will be reception. My advice would be to have a conversation with the school and explain your concerns. However, please be reassured that there will be many other children who also have no idea about letters etc. when they start in September.

The right to deferral is for any child born between April and August.

Generally I think this is a good case to delay but....
(Disclaimer=your child isn't my child, you obviously know him better)

1. practically can you home educate? Will you actually be at home with time for him? If you are planning on working from home while caring for him I don't see how that will help. I also don't think that a set up where he has lots of transitions eg 1 day with you , 2 days with DM, 1 day with dmil etc will be helpful either. You would need dedicated time with him

2. have you got formal agreement that he can start in year r? As a pp poster said locally the default is they go into year 1, which I think would be a mistake. Year r is more built around acclimatising to school environment, rules etc and setting in. It sounds like it would be a bad idea for your child to miss that and go straight into year 1 where the pace is higher and children already know each other. You may find that your preferred school doesn't have a place for him in year 1, and he ends up at a less supportive school

If the option is

1. start now
2. try and fit childcare around working with lots of different adults, and have him start at year 1, or start at a less Sen friendly school

I would choose 1. I would only chose option 3... If the third option is that you were able to take a year off, or a significant number ( at least 3) days off a week with stable child care (not one week auntie sue, one week gmil), and have him start in a sen friendly school in year r,

Home schooling has a place but it is a full time job really

I would be tempted to do what you suggested. Studies do show that summer born babies benefit from deferring and starting the next year and it sounds like your son could benefit from that. I know several people that have done this, with success.
You can definitely defer his start and he would start reception in 2024 and not miss year 1, any child born after April has the right to do this. Also worth thinking about your own needs and how you can cope with this, just mentioning as I considered home education, we Flexi school at the moment and income, partners mental health struggles etc were all part of choosing not to home ed for now so worth putting stuff like that in the mix as it can be full on.

Another option you could perhaps do is part time schooling? So you don't legally have to send your child full time until the term after they turn 5. So you could send him in to reception part time and home school him the rest. Schools often don't mention it anymore but it is your legal right to do this. It's what I did with my daughter. As others have said the benefit of starting sooner would be that you would be more likely to get support with diagnosis and access to school SENCO etc

‘We DON’T WANT TO meet his needs…” it’s not they can’t, they are quite clearly capable. “Please put your child in state school so we can keep our private school for the NT children”. This is definitely the attitude I have come across time and time again in my work. If you are planning to delay purely for SEN, I would (in my professional opinion) say that he would be better off going at his standard time. Once he’s in, the SENCo and teachers can get on with the appropriate referrals and evidence gathering.
On the subject of a EHCP, as his parent you can apply at any time you see fit. You apply for a EHCNA and there are plenty of model letters for this on the web. The LA were not correct in saying he would be better waiting until he was at school. It is needs based (hence the N in the request) so if the need is there now, why wait?
I also see the worry that can come with summer borns and also with SEN but we are attempting to look into a future that isn’t written yet (in my opinion). With appropriate support and dialogue your son has the potential to thrive at school.
Speak with his school SENCo (who will be waiting and ready for these conversations with incoming parents) and take it from there.

Surely this is exactly what deferral is for.
Not knowing letters etc is not an issue, but it's more about being able to cope in the classroom environment. A year could make a big difference to that. But I agree that another year of preschool would possibly be preferable to home schooling, because if he isn't interested in reading etc. yet, there's no need to force it at home. It will happen in time.

Okay, apologies. I just engaged because it was a discussion and I think what you were saying was ill-informed at best and misinformation at worst. It makes me so sad that we can't provide adequately for far too many children and it's frustrating when people outside of education suggest the system is running well.

2 parts to this. First there’s some misinformation about you starting him in Reception at compulsory school age, so when he’s turned 5 rather than 4. It’s allowed but how easy it is depends on your local authority as they have different policies on this. Summer born is classed as anything from April on so it’s definitely an option. I did it for my DD. Join the Facebook group ‘flexible school admissions for summer borns’ and read the pinned post for more information. It’s becoming much more common (my DD isn’t even the oldest in her year). You can have funding for pre-school until he turns 5.

secondly it sounds like your son will need an EHCP so is that something you are looking at pushing for? I’m not a SEN expect so will let those who know more give more information here.

There is a fourth option. Take the place but wait to start until later in the academic year. The disadvantage is that he gets less time to experience and adapt to school life before year 1. You may not find it easy to find a preschool to take a rising 5 in the meantime and it would be a further transition for him.

Also this discussion has gone very differently to a recent one on Scottish boards, where deferral is more normal, and I'm sure everyone there would be telling you to defer.

Oh one other thing. Don’t worry about pushing letters as PP has said.
work on resilience and attitude.
reading to him and getting him interested in listening to stories is much more important than him being able to recognise words at this stage. Reading comes later.

@thesmee I'm not suggesting there aren't issues. And I didn't say I disagreed with the op deferring a start. What I don't agree with is thinking home schooling can be better. I genuinely don't. Nor would I second guess a trained doctor fwiw. I don't think a parent can give a child a completely rounded experience which will provide everything a school will.

Fwiw my childminder gave up her accountancy job 30 years ago to care for her eldest (and become a childminder) before sending her to school after some concerned about delayed learning. She has experienced just about every situation over the last 30 years and supported many families through it.

But in any case as I say, it's an opinion. It is a forum.

Wishing you the best op.

Haven't read all this but please do consider deferring. Statistically summer borns fare worse all through school so although you get plenty of people saying it didn't affect them / their children, on average this isn't the case!

Tons of great advice on the Flexible school admissions for summer born children group on Facebook and a sister group for sen.

My autistic son will start in September at 5 and he has progressed loads in the last year and will be able to access so much more. He'll start in reception. Schools must explain why it's in the child's best interest not to start in R - and it basically never is!Although some heads are more forward thinking than others.

If you defer I'd consider an additional year of pre school, you still get the 30 hours funding.

Definitely apply for an EHCP now. Ignore what the local authority says. The sooner you have that in place the better. IPSEA have lots of template letters and advice on applying yourself.

I suspect that the private school will try to manage him out if he does go in September. My advice would be to speak to you LA and see if you can agree a deferral then send him to another preschool (preferably with good links to a school that he has a good chance of going to) and with their support apply for an EHCP. You don’t need a diagnosis for this. This will mean that wherever he finally goes to school he will either have the support he needs or maybe the extra year will have benefitted him and he will be more able to cope. As a Reception teacher I get children every year whose parents have been told to wait until school to apply for an EHCP. The reality is we can’t apply until we can prove we have had provided extra help for 6 months but we can’t provide the help because that child has no funding and school budgets are non existent.
There is a school out there that will welcome your little chap whatever his needs, you may just have to look a little harder to find it. Good luck!

Firstly, this is not your fault! Please don't blame yourself. Seek help for yourself. SEN stuff is stressful.

You should defer if you possibly and practically can. It's better to defer in a planned way than have your work disrupted by daily phone calls from the school saying you must pick up immediately. That's what happened to my friend. Yes it did mean the evidence her DS couldn't cope came in thick and fast, but it was very traumatic for everyone. And expensive. Most families have to at least consider paying for their own assessments as the wait is so long. You need that job!

You can apply for an ECHNA yourself. It sounds like you've quite a bit of evidence from nursery. ECHPs can take ages (we applied in October of year 5 for our DD and have just won our first tribunal - to start the assessment - I don't think we'll get the EHCP till year 6 and we may have to do a second tribunal to get the flipping thing. She has had full assessments done, by the way - her diagnoses are not in doubt).

Also, check you LA's policy about deferring for a year. My friend did this with her August Ds who has add and he was put into year one the following year. Which was obviously tricky as the other children had been together for a year.
Eventually the school let him do mornings in reception and afternoons in yr1. But it was a messy start.

I'd be inclined to start your child as school and see how he gets on. He may be absolutely fine. I'm a yr 4 teacher and there are children in my year group with additional needs who've been at mainstream school since reception, even though academically they're not at the same.level, they are confident socially and their peers are unbothered by under developed speech as they understand them.

You won't know unless you try.