How to interact or not with school mum

[2023Mu]

DD moved to a new school in September and there was an incident with a school mum - (let’s call her Sarah, not real name) she contacted me week 2 to tell me my DD had hit her DD. Kids are KS1. She got my number from class WhatsApp. I politely responded that I’m sorry that happened and if she could in future speak to school first as incident happened in school and I wasn’t there, my DD denied it. The mum didn’t seem to like my suggestion. I spoke to class teacher and she told me something I’m really surprised with - she told me to ignore it and this isn’t the first time this child has told lies! Teacher left December so I think at this point she didn’t care about betraying trust(I’ve kept this information to myself and haven’t shared with anyone till now on here). Before this “incident” we seemed to be friendly as we said hi etc. I tried to let this incident behind me and just was polite towards her. We moved into our new home recently and she’s one of our neighbours!

I’ve waved hello to her husband and her. Sometimes she says hello most of the time they ignore me or a very flat hello and run off. Over time I’ve gotten to know the other neighbours and one new one I met today and when I said DD’s school she responded with “oh Sarah’s kid goes there” and I said yes the kids are in same class, this mum looked very surprised, not sure why.

well my dilemma is that I don’t think it was a big thing but Sarah is creating tension now and weird atmosphere it’s awkward as new place both school and neighbourhood seems like a tight knit place and I really feel uncomfortable. When I was talking to this new neighbour, Sarah came out of her house waving and smiling energetically at the new neighbour and ignoring me!

as I said to DH they knew we moved in so just a quick message saying “welcome” or something just to ease things and be adults. I saw her and her DH when we moved in and suggested they come over for tea but their response was a flat maybe. It feels like they want a feud over nothing! I’m over the incident and funny thing is DD plays with her DD! The kids are not holding a grudge so why is this woman holding a grudge! Im very quiet and don’t like confrontation but I’m thinking she’s been bitching about me to the other neighbours and mums as the neighbours reaction was a bit strange. WWYD? This is our forever home and we won’t be moving again. I don’t want this atmosphere. It seems like a social neighbourhood and I will be bumping into her at school and home.

any advice appreciated.

Just let it go

How have you got so much time to fret about one woman?

The kids get on fine,so no worries there

As for the other neighbours, just act normally. If the subject arises I'd say Oh we had a minor incident at school between our children so she's distant with us

Don't waste your time trying to win her over....she sounds awful. Be friendly with other people and polite enough to her.

Do what I do and just ignore or be civil with my DC school mums. I have plenty of friends and I don't particularly need or want anymore and I don't really care about what they think of me.

Keep being polite and civil and ignore any batshit behaviour.

Well if she's this dramatic you'll be better off keeping her at a distance

Firstly, ignore what the nasty teacher said. That was bang out of order whether she was leaving or not.

Secondly, try not to give it any more head space. As you said, the kids are getting along and imo that's all that really matters.

If the community is tight knit then perhaps they're used to speaking to parents first, rather than going straight to the school with any problems.

Not that I think it's the correct way to do things, but perhaps this is what she's used to doing, so your reply may have come across as arsey to her.

You don't know that she's been bitching about you, so I wouldn't pay her any more mind.

Forget about them. They sound like plonkers and I wouldn't give them any more thought space (or bother smiling and waving). I've done this with a school mum. Don't even bother looking at her if we cross paths now days as got sick of trying to do the friendly smile thing and eventually just thought f@& you I'm not bothering.

Regards school mums and neighbours, I have always kept myself to myself.

Sometimes living in a small development works, other times the neighbours can judge other neighbours. Thats life

Chuck it in the fuck it bucket.
And that’s it. Carry on with life.

But then I’m a hard faced bitch. I wouldn’t hesitate to cut that right out of every single corner of my being.
Grey rock.
zero interaction.
No need for anything further.
The end.

Continue to be polite to your neighbours. This woman sounds odd, ignore.

Well, if her child is telling her that your child is mean to her (regardless of the truth) it isn't surprising they don't want to come over or be friendly with you. They are obviously giving you a wide birth and don't want to be friends. Just move on. Life is too short.

The two children are getting on at school which is the important thing. I assume your child also gets on with other children in the class too so maybe invite one or two of them to meet up in the park/come round for tea. Your child doesn’t have to be outside school friends with every child in the class so you can let the other ‘friendship’ continue as a school friendship. And you don’t have to be close friends with all your neighbours so wave and smile when you see the other child’s mother, but leave it at that.

Have you looked at starting your daughter in rainbows or brownies? That’s another way to make friendships outside school, for both of you.

I’m a softie and put up with being ignored. Twice. Twice only. Then feck ‘em, we’re not going to be friends so shoulders back and don’t acknowledge.

Ignore the new neighbours, don't even acknowledge them. The woman sounds a nightmare, and if you attempt to be polite to her it will come back and bite you on the bum. I keep all neighbours at arm's length, polite but remaining distant.