Micro insults

[Commonsensitivity]

I am separated from my children's father but we Co parent fairly amicably.
I have noticed however that he regularly micro insults out youngest. It makes me apoplectic. The worst thing is that this DC really looks up to him.

Today he had a teachers award and his dad's response was *I never thought you'd get anything like that as you're not really interested in school". His dad took him to football and I asked his Dad how it was. He said it was dull. He also says things like he has fat feet or is chunky (he's not really). He's always throwing these micro insults at him and when I call him out he scoffs he's just joking. Well I'm fed up of his stupid jokes. Any ideas what I can do except for telling him to f off?

Sorry op, no advice but I'd also be annoyed. I'm sure your child will be picking up on it too and it might be knocking self esteem.
Ex sounds like a twat.

Telling him to fuck off sounds just fine to me. Keep it simple.

To be honest I'm not sure they're micro insults, which I assume you are meaning they are small?

They're not small insults, to my mind they're damaging and he should be called out on them every time.

I think it’s ok to mention it. As in ‘I’m not sure if you realise how often you say negative things, but it is getting noticeable and will affect your relationship with <child>. ‘

They sound like insults to me. You’re right to be angry/upset.

It isn't a joke because no-one is laughing.

Dressing up insults as "joking" or banter is just plain bullying.

He knows he's doing it. He's doing it to cause hurt.

Start "micro" insulting him and tell him how funny your jokes are...

Ask him to explain the jokes as you don't get them. 'Sorry, I don't get it, why is it funny?'. 'For me jokes are supposed to be funny.' If you keep at him he will get embarrassed eventually and will think twice about doing it again so as to avoid the pain and embarrassment of having to admit he has been denigrating his own son when he can't actually explain why these jokes are so hilarious after all.

These are not micro insults, they are just insults. Unfortunately you can't stop it.

I would:
-either speak to or email the dad with a direct request this stops, saying it is undermining the child
-call it out publicly in front of the child if you are ever present
-if your child reports something like 'dad said I am chunky' say 'I disagree with dad there, I think that's a rude thing to say to you' - co-parenting does not mean supporting bullying
-if you are told it is a joke, ask them to explain how it is funny

Sorry your ex is a twat.

I think it's because we separated when dc2 was young so he doesn't have the same bond he has with dc1. That's just my theory. Anyway in the end last night I got mad and did tell him to eff off from my house. Dc1 was very upset I'd done this. But I couldn't stand being around their dad anymore. Their dad sometimes treats my house as his second home and it's very confusing for the children when I then say he has to leave.