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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL wants to do childcare

10 replies

ThereGoesTheNeighbourhood · 20/04/2023 23:44

After my first child was born, I went back to work after a year and I wanted to put them into childcare. My husband didn’t want to waste the money so insisted my MIL look after them as it was free and it made more sense to save the money. I reluctantly agreed as we don’t get on and she’s not the most mothering type and is very dazed at the best of times. So she did so for 2 years and was almost always late, whilst I went back to work until they were old enough for Government funded hours at 3yo. She made a massive fuss about not wanting my first born to go to nursery and how I was taking them away from her and that there is no benefit to children attending a educational facility until at least 5!

Fast forward being heavily pregnant with my second child, she puts my first child’s life in danger due to lack of care and never really apologised for it.

I’m nearing the end of my maternity leave with my second child and my husband wants his mum to look after baby number 2. I again reluctantly agreed as we really can’t afford it second time round, but only until government funding which thankfully has been reduced to 2 years olds from Sept 24.

My husband is angry and wants her to look after my second child until 3yo even though government funding is available from 2yo.

Am I being unreasonable to not want her to look after my children?

OP posts:
highlandmew · 20/04/2023 23:46

they're being unreasonable.

highlandmew · 20/04/2023 23:47

Why is your husband getting ANGRY over this?

DiddyHeck · 20/04/2023 23:48

Am I being unreasonable to not want her to look after my children?

No, but you certainly are being unreasonable to let her do it just because you can't afford childcare again.

There's no point in accepting a freebie and then moaning about it.

GoodChat · 20/04/2023 23:53

I can't believe you're considering letting her care for your child if she put the other ones life in danger.

Free childcare won't matter if the child doesn't see 2. Jesus Christ.

Wolfiefan · 20/04/2023 23:57

He doesn’t get to insist.
Stop being a wet blanket and reluctantly agreeing.

Wenfy · 20/04/2023 23:57

need more info. How is she putting their life in danger?

MillieOns · 21/04/2023 00:06

Your MIL isn’t the most child focussed person but insisted on caring for your first born. MIL put your DC’s life in jeopardy.

Now you are contemplating leaving dc2 with MIL.

With all due respect OP, Nobody on an anonymous internet site knows your MIL so cannot say, for sure, whether she is trustworthy or not. You know her. If you don’t trust her to care for your dc you’ll have to pay for childcare. It’s that simple.

Fallingthroughclouds · 15/08/2023 09:15

If she had put your child's life in danger you wouldn't even be considering leaving your second child with her, surely. What did she do?

Aside from the attempt on your child's life, she sounds like the mothering type, if she is willing to look after your children for several years, free of charge.

You're not being unreasonable, not wanting her to look after your children for what ever reason. You are being unreasonable getting her to do it, her helping you out and then complaining about it.

Honeychickpea · 14/09/2023 09:35

DiddyHeck · 20/04/2023 23:48

Am I being unreasonable to not want her to look after my children?

No, but you certainly are being unreasonable to let her do it just because you can't afford childcare again.

There's no point in accepting a freebie and then moaning about it.

Totally agreed. Your MIL is not a free childcare provider to be used and dropped as suits you.

Oldermum84 · 14/09/2023 09:54

Don't bother arguing about it yet, the government funding may well never happen! Maybe when/if it happens then you could use a mixture of her and nursery?

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