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Original poster

To think the school have my kid mixed up with someone else?

67 replies

WhereAreYouuu · 20/04/2023 22:45

A while ago I got a message from school saying my daughter had a detention for rude behaviour.

My daughter is on SEN pathways at school, extremely timid, extremely quiet, so I was surprised.
I asked DD about it and she said she had no idea what it was about. I rang school and receptionist said that her maths teacher told DD off for being on her phone and as she was being told to put it away she continued texting.

DD denied any of this ever happened and was upset.

Yesterday I get a text saying DD had an after school detention because she didn't attend a lunch time detention she got for being late.

DD was late but only by a minute (they usually let that slide) but said she wasn't told she had a detention. Wasn't given a late slip or a detention slip.

So she had no idea she was supposed to attend a lunchtime detention.

So I phoned school to ask could she still just do a lunchtime detention as she had no idea she was supposed to.

Receptionist asks for DDs name, and says she also missed 6th period today. Why wasn't she in lesson?

I said I don't know. What lesson was it?

Spanish. DD doesn't do Spanish. I said you mean French?

Receptionist carries on convoy about DD not attending her lesson and I say she may have been with SEN teacher (she misses class occasionally)

I talk to DD today and ask why she wasn't in 6th period.

She says she was.
I ask if it was French (thinking the receptionist just got the language mixed up)

Nope, she had MATHS 6th period and ATTENDED her lesson.

Should I ring back again tomorrow and bring this up?!

I feel like this is twice they've given her a detention she didn't know about and seem to have her mixed up with someone else?

OP posts:
Gothambutnotahamster · 20/04/2023 22:49

Absolutely call them - I'd not be happy with any of that.

duvetcovereddissident · 20/04/2023 22:54

yes, none of that sounds right at all, poor kid!

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 20/04/2023 22:55

Similar thing happened to someone I know and the school had indeed got the child mixed up with someone else with a similar name! 😮

RightOnTheEdge · 20/04/2023 22:55

No, YANBU. I think you definitely need to call and speak to someone tomorrow and clear it up.
It does all sound a bit mixed up.

pasbeaucoupdegendarme · 20/04/2023 22:55

I agree, get that sorted out before the weekend so you can both stop worrying about it. Poor dd!

JayAlfredPrufrock · 20/04/2023 22:57

My DD was mixed up with another child on several occasions leading to sleepless nights and angry exchanges with teachers.

call it out.

itsmylife7 · 20/04/2023 22:58

I'd be calling to make an appointment with head of year.
Speak face to face and get this issue sorted out.

Original poster
WhereAreYouuu · 20/04/2023 22:59

Thanks. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't over reacting.

The first time, with the phone, I thought was just a one off mix up but this is just not right now.

OP posts:
HollyGolightly4 · 20/04/2023 22:59

Same name I reckon -

Jenny Smith in y7 v Jenny Smith in y9 etc

Definitely call them out!

DrMadelineMaxwell · 20/04/2023 23:01

DD2 was muddled up with another child in y7. They put her in the wrong set and she got more and more upset with the behaviour of some of the kids in the group and how slowly they were going through the work compared to her friends in other classes.

Her older sister asked the teacher about it, and casually dropped into the conversation the levels she'd come out of primary school with.

Cue a very apologetic phone message left for me to assure me they were looking into it and it would be rectified asap. She'd been put in bottom set and was moved straight up into top set, so a slight discrepancy.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 20/04/2023 23:02

Definitely go in over it or it will just keep happening and stressing your DD out

Original poster
WhereAreYouuu · 20/04/2023 23:03

HollyGolightly4 · 20/04/2023 22:59

Same name I reckon -

Jenny Smith in y7 v Jenny Smith in y9 etc

Definitely call them out!

She has a really unusual name though.

Along the lines of Ophelia Hayles for comparison.

Don't think there's any other in the school with either name!

OP posts:
unkownone · 20/04/2023 23:03

Yep definitely call or visit to sort it out. I had a call from a teacher yelling at me at DD’s behaviour. I was so apologetic and saying it doesn’t sound like her and when she was yelling saying how she walked away from her when she told her she had detention I knew it wasn’t my child. She can’t stand getting in trouble and would just cry- only bad behaviour she’d have is talking in class to friends. Wasn’t til I said hold on was she wearing a bow in her hair ( the only year 7 kid in the school who did) did she say no and realise she had the wrong child and parent. You think they’d be positive about these things!

IamAlso4eels · 20/04/2023 23:07

Definitely raised it with them and try get to the bottom of it.

I had this issue with DC once, went into school to sort it out and the teacher got his planner out to show me the demerits marked on it. All of their planners have their photo on and I immediately let her know that it was not my DC in the photo despite it being his name on the planner...

legalalien · 20/04/2023 23:08

My son in Year 7 got in trouble for not answering to his name to a teacher in the playground (indie school that went up to Year 8). Turned out the name they were calling to him was not his name. He had been at the school since nursery (year before reception), so you would think they might have been a little embarrassed or apologetic - they weren't, but frankly we couldn't be bothered making it an issue. Can completely believe in the mistaken identity theory.

ShortSilence · 20/04/2023 23:11

Poor DD! Do be a bit firm with them, you’re not overreacting. I hope they respond in a way that makes up for it.

ShortSilence · 20/04/2023 23:12

(By which I just mean — nicely and not in an arsey way)

VivaciousRadish · 20/04/2023 23:51

I had so many letters about outstanding school library fines. I replied every time.

Eventually they phoned me, I don’t think they’d read any of my letters and I was quite annoyed by this time. I told her I wasn’t paying, and she asked why. I told her I’d pay any fines accrued by Milly Radish (year 11) and Molly Radish (year 9) but I was buggered if I was paying for Mandy Radish (year 10). She was so cross and said I’d signed something when they’d joined the school to say I was responsible, and I said ‘yes but only for my kids. You’ve got the wrong family’

You’d think they’d check. We don’t have an uncommon surname, and unlike my example the girls all have quite different first names.

I think they get it wrong a lot but they’re never sorry

ComputerWifeKaren · 20/04/2023 23:58

I used to find accident slips with another child's full name in DD's bag during primary school years. It was DD's nickname but another child's first name, surname and class written down, no wonder I wasn’t called when she'd hurt herself. Challenge the mix up, it's ridiculous.

dimorphism · 21/04/2023 00:09

Your poor DD.

I'd probably go for a message in writing setting out that you think there's been a mix up more than once copying in the headteacher or head of year. There's little point having another discussion with the receptionist who didn't listen to you the first time you said your daughter didn't do Spanish.

And if a child is skipping school, that's potentially a safeguarding issue and it's a real problem if they're informing the wrong parent.

DFWM · 21/04/2023 00:13

This happened with my son, too. Turned out they were mixing him up with another child with a similar name. They sorted it pretty quickly though after I turned up the following morning.

lemonchiffonpie · 21/04/2023 00:16

Spanish. DD doesn't do Spanish.

Should I ring back again tomorrow and bring this up?!

Well, yes! Somehow she has been confused, or your phone number in their records has been confused, with another student. I would go in personally, as talking on the phone is not getting you far. But one way or the other it does need to be cleared up.

Pieceofpurplesky · 21/04/2023 00:35

We had two boys with exactly the same name in my last school - right down to middle names. Really confusing as one was an Angel and the other really naughty!

It will be a mix up, either timetable, name or teacher. I would ring up and ask to see the head of year

Georgeandzippyzoo · 21/04/2023 00:36

WhereAreYouuu · 20/04/2023 23:03

She has a really unusual name though.

Along the lines of Ophelia Hayles for comparison.

Don't think there's any other in the school with either name!

Show quote history

I literally posted a similar story on a fb page. When my niece was at secondary, no behaviour issues loved school, my DSis got a call from her form tutor explaining she had heard her name mentioned by another teacher. in relation to quite a serious incident. My niece has a very unusal first name normally given to boys and 20 yrs ago it was rare for girls to have 'boys' names. Teacher suggested DSis talked to my niece.. she denied it ofcoursr, had a full scale argument, a) because of the incident, and b) because she assumed Dd was lying. Sis called the school the next day and the teacher had mixed up 2 girls who didn't look like each other or have anything like similar names.

OP write down all the points, and ask for a face to face meeting with at least the HoY (send email so you have a paper trail) school is hard enough without having this pushed onyour DD. I am now 'that parent' who calls out school when they are being incompetent (x teacher married to one )

Dodgeitornot · 21/04/2023 01:05

Same thing happened to us. Started with us weirdly getting FSM, told the school we definitely weren't eligible, nothing was done. DD, also SEN with an EHCP kept getting demerits for rudeness, lack of homework etc. Attendance officer called me asking why she's not in and I got so scared. She was definitely in school. She went looking for her and low and behold she was in her lesson. Turns out there was another girls in the school with the same name, surname and year of birth but in the year below. My DDs name it NOT common. It's a foreign spelling of a common name and an uncommon foreign surname. It actually freaked me out more than anything else.

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