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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To assume the date isn't going ahead?

27 replies

leepingup · 20/04/2023 22:07

I've been speaking to a man I met on OLD for a few weeks. The first opportunity we both had was this weekend, just for a coffee and a walk.

We haven't been speaking everyday which I was enjoying as I think it removes any pressure. However, we would speak every couple of days, just a few messages back and forth.

The last I heard from him was last Friday, I sent the last text and there was no reply which is absolutely fine. But it's almost been a week and I haven't heard anything.

Our date is meant to be on Saturday and I'm assuming he would have been in touch before now if it was still going ahead?

Yes, I could message him but I'm honestly not overly bothered and I text last time.

I just wonder if I go ahead and make other plans, and he contacts me Saturday morning arranging our date if that would be out of order of me?

OP posts:
BonnieGlasses · 20/04/2023 22:10

Yep, I'd say the date is not going to happen. Just block him now and make other plans for the weekend.

Original poster
leepingup · 20/04/2023 22:19

I thought as much to be honest.

OP posts:
Phgty · 20/04/2023 22:24

Yeah, I'd assume he wasn't interested as he hasn't replied.

Make other plans and enjoy your weekend!

louderthan · 20/04/2023 22:27

But it's only Thursday?? He might be waiting for you to get in touch to arrange plans. I would message tomorrow and say 'hey still on for tomorrow??'
But that's just me and I'm sure plenty of folk on here would say I was needy/had no self respect etc etc.

seven201 · 20/04/2023 22:35

I think it's fine to have not arranged the finer details yet. I'd assume it will go ahead.

JoelyJoe · 20/04/2023 22:35

I met someone on OLD... we had a similar messaging set up to you. I met him a couple of times, and then went on holiday for a week. I texted him from the holiday, but heard nothing back and I waited several days to hear from him, wondering what was going on. Eventually I texted him again - just an easy, breezy message saying Hi. He replied straight away. He hadn't got my previous message and thought I was away having such a good time I'd forgotten all about him! We hooked up again when I got home, and we've been together for 16 years!!
If you like this guy, it's worth dropping him a line, just checking plans for the weekend. Perhaps he thinks it's your turn! If you still don't hear anything - well, then you'll know.

Youcunnyfunt · 20/04/2023 22:37

Wouldn’t bother me and I think the opposite is true - it’s more needy to require several confirmations before meeting up (for friends or dates!). Unless I heard otherwise I’d assume it was still on.

However, why are you not that bothered? Are you not into him? That’s probably a bigger sign than the lack of contact itself.

Original poster
leepingup · 20/04/2023 22:51

Youcunnyfunt · 20/04/2023 22:37

Wouldn’t bother me and I think the opposite is true - it’s more needy to require several confirmations before meeting up (for friends or dates!). Unless I heard otherwise I’d assume it was still on.

However, why are you not that bothered? Are you not into him? That’s probably a bigger sign than the lack of contact itself.

I suppose not, he's not really my type, which I thought was probably a good thing but didn't find the chats very interesting or flirty. Thought he might be better in person so give it a try but as the weeks went on and heard nothing I'm kind of meh about it now. Kind of just want me weekend to be my weekend and not have to spend any time meeting some random man. So yeah, I'm not bothered.

OP posts:
Youcunnyfunt · 21/04/2023 16:04

leepingup · 20/04/2023 22:51

I suppose not, he's not really my type, which I thought was probably a good thing but didn't find the chats very interesting or flirty. Thought he might be better in person so give it a try but as the weeks went on and heard nothing I'm kind of meh about it now. Kind of just want me weekend to be my weekend and not have to spend any time meeting some random man. So yeah, I'm not bothered.

Show quote history

Don’t waste your time on him then! Have a lovely relaxing weekend to yourself! If he messages, just tell him the lack of communication has made you rethink. Don’t say you thought he wasn’t interested because that gives him an in to say that he is interested, and then you’ll have to have the conversation again, and you’ll have to explain about how you’re not interested.

MissLucyLiu · 21/04/2023 16:07

Make ur own plans.

If he does come around to ask if you guys are still on just tell him 'oh sorry i didn't hear back so i've made plans to see some friends, but we can rearrange'

make yourself more busy /valuable/have more social life etc

KrisAkabusi · 21/04/2023 17:23

BonnieGlasses · 20/04/2023 22:10

Yep, I'd say the date is not going to happen. Just block him now and make other plans for the weekend.

I never understand this. Why the fuck would you block him? If he gets in touch, just say you're not interested. Instead of potential real reasons not being explained, or leaving someone confused or angry. Why can nobody have a conversation any more?

Ace56 · 21/04/2023 18:12

Yeah, almost a week is a long time not to hear from someone. Sounds like he’s lost interest. This is why it’s so important to meet quickly - after a week tops! Otherwise you can waste so much time chatting online and it leads to nothing…

PappedOot · 21/04/2023 18:16

It’s more out of order of him if he takes over a week to reply to a text and expects a date to go ahead this weekend without having bothered to firm up arrangements. So no, not you in the wrong. Make other plans.

Original poster
leepingup · 21/04/2023 19:06

He's just text asking if I'm up for date. Eeeeeeedk

OP posts:
GastonHaugh · 21/04/2023 19:11

Yayyyy

stoprightnow1 · 21/04/2023 19:11

I'd probably say I'd made other plans as I'd not heard from him before

pavillion1 · 21/04/2023 19:15

stoprightnow1 · 21/04/2023 19:11

I'd probably say I'd made other plans as I'd not heard from him before

so would i , i wouldn't give the impression id been hanging about .

CapturedLeprechaun · 21/04/2023 19:20

"Since I hadn’t heard from you by a reasonable time I assumed you had a flaky moment 😉 so made plans to see friends tomorrow instead".

Don't go on the date.

Lucyintheskywithcubiczirconia · 21/04/2023 19:25

About 12 years ago a guy I was chatting to, and hoping to meet, didn’t reply to me. About a month later we got back in touch and finally dated. Turns out there was something wrong with my phone and some messages hadn’t been getting through..We are now happily married with a lovely home and family, so don’t be too quick to dismiss! I hope you have a wonderful date!

Original poster
leepingup · 21/04/2023 19:30

I can't go on the date. I'd written it off in my head and have done no prep for it at all. Feel and look like shit.

OP posts:
RichardsGear · 21/04/2023 19:33

Well just say you're sorry but you've made other arrangements as you assumed it wasn't happening.

MirrorMirror1247 · 21/04/2023 19:34

Do you want to go on the date? That's the most important question. You still have time to prepare if it's not until tomorrow.

RocketIceLollie · 21/04/2023 19:35

Yeah it's a bit poor form to leave you on read for a week leading up to a date.

IncompleteSenten · 21/04/2023 19:36

If you're not really interested you should tell him rather than waste his time.

Original poster
leepingup · 21/04/2023 19:37

MirrorMirror1247 · 21/04/2023 19:34

Do you want to go on the date? That's the most important question. You still have time to prepare if it's not until tomorrow.

I don't honestly know. I do on one hand because he is different than my usual but also starting to doubt myself as I feel ugly/fat/not sexy.

OP posts: