To give a bit of background my partner and I know each other for 24 years , but only together ( as grownups we dated as teens ) for 3 years , he is a great guy , the love of my life and we get on really well , he is the most open person I know , feminist , supports everyone’s rights as far as you can imagine from racist and xenophobic.
We like in the U.K. , his family lives in a European country .
All of my life I fought for others rights either I my personal life or at work ( within the legal profession ) , so I struggle to tolerate racism xenophobia , homophobia , ableism and discrimination in any form .
I don’t have much contact with them and when I meet them it has been on a one to one and not in a group .
The issue I have with his family is mostly cultural , the older generation comes from an African country , they are mixed race . They constantly use racist slurs that are not appropriate to me , I’ve lived in the U.K. all my adult life and I honestly get shocked at the level of stuff it’s said . From the constant use of the N word in a bad way like that’s things N do , despite them all
being lighter but still black . Another example is when my daughter was born they all commented on her nose being wide and her not being as white as her cousin ( I guess because I’m white and my partner although mixed race would be considered white to most people as he has light skin and light eyes , not that it matters but I’m assuming it’s the reason for the comments ) . Some of his family are also extremely homophobic, his dad is one of those old people who literally has no filter and will come out with the most atrocious things like 2 women kissing and saying they are disgusting , calling others fat or derogatory stuff . My 16 year old step son has just came out as gay too , I absolutely adore him , so I’m honestly struggling to tolerate some stuff as their beliefs are so contrary to ours .
The issue I’m having is we are staying in the country for a holiday in the summer ( not with them thank god lol in a resort ) but I’m absolutely dreading a big family reunion that is bound to happen . I can tolerate a lot myself but if any of the kids is target of stupid comments I’m bound to absolutely loose it , my oldest has autism too so I’m dreading a stupid comment about anything he does .
IABU for worrying about it and should just ignore as it’s just a few days a year ?
Or
should I just call it for what it is if this behaviour comes up ?
I spoke about it with my partner and I think I now made him anxious too as he thinks I might loose my s**$t .