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AIBU?

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Original poster

1 year old constantly wants to be held- standing up

20 replies

waallpaint · 20/04/2023 20:51

So I just have to hold him the whole time and stand up or he's hysterical..

It's exhausting. I can't get anything done ! I can't even make a coffee without him pulling my trouser legs and screaming. He's always done this a bit, but it's taken on new proportions.

He also can't be restrained in any way. No walked, no jumperoo, very occasionally he can go in the high chair.. this means I cannot leave him out of my sight at all, because he has started climbing on the sofa as well. It's so stressful !

Play pen also doesn't work. He just screams constantly unless I'm holding him. When I try to sit down with him, he also screams ! He's about to turn one.

Walks around a bit, but usually just screaming to get to me!

OP posts:
Whatabouteverything · 20/04/2023 20:57

What happens if you let him scream for a few mins? Like when you go to the toilet etc.

shivawn · 20/04/2023 20:57

This sounds really difficult. Is he walking? Would the TV distract him for a bit?

Original poster
waallpaint · 20/04/2023 20:58

Whatabouteverything · 20/04/2023 20:57

What happens if you let him scream for a few mins? Like when you go to the toilet etc.

It just goes on and on and on. I can't go to the toilet anymore because he's too dangerous. I have to take him with me and while I'm doing my business, I need to try to stop him from getting the toilet brush whilst he cries.

OP posts:
Original poster
waallpaint · 20/04/2023 20:59

shivawn · 20/04/2023 20:57

This sounds really difficult. Is he walking? Would the TV distract him for a bit?

He's walking yes. He doesn't care about the TV at all. He likes to change the channels with the remote, but he's not interested in watching at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
waallpaint · 20/04/2023 21:00

I didnt mean I can't go to the toilet anymore full stop a hahah...

I meant, I can't go to the toilet without him.

OP posts:
Whatabouteverything · 20/04/2023 21:00

Wow. I'd get him into nursery to give you some sanity- even 1 day a week. Are you a SAHM? could you also take him to tumbletots or something similar.

Original poster
waallpaint · 20/04/2023 21:03

Whatabouteverything · 20/04/2023 21:00

Wow. I'd get him into nursery to give you some sanity- even 1 day a week. Are you a SAHM? could you also take him to tumbletots or something similar.

I've just gone back to work and I have a nanny looking after him. He does it with her sometimes. But not as bad. As soon as I come in, he's doing it to me. In the morning too.

He's been doing it for a while. He always did it a bit, now it's all the time. I can't really cook a meal without holding him. I also let him cry, but it's really stressful, so I can't do it for long.

OP posts:
catsnore · 20/04/2023 21:07

Will he go in a carrier of some kind? Or one of those hip seat things?

Original poster
waallpaint · 20/04/2023 21:08

catsnore · 20/04/2023 21:07

Will he go in a carrier of some kind? Or one of those hip seat things?

I do use that. But it's still difficult to do stuff and hurts.

OP posts:
Bloodsweatntears · 20/04/2023 21:13

At least if you put him in a playpen you know he’s contained and less likely to hurt himself whilst you make a coffee or nip to the loo. Much safer than trying to hold him or having him underneath boiling water.

Did the current need to be held by you coincide with your return to work - it may be that he’s getting used to the new routine and needs extra reassurance.

User0ne · 20/04/2023 21:13

Kids (babies really) often get separation anxiety around this age- it's developmentally normal and can last for a few months

You could try using a sling for contact. If you have a partner/dh/friend who will watch them for you, then you should go out for half an hour a day by yourself for YOUR sanity/health as it's bothering you. I used to sit in the car with a coffee and magazine if the weather was bad.

You can leave him "unsupervised" briefly (to go to the toilet, for example). Even if he does climb on the sofa he's unlikely to suffer serious injury by falling off. Children are essentially made of rubber until around 2/3yrs old.

Try to go with the flow of his needs and also be kind to yourself.

Original poster
waallpaint · 20/04/2023 21:14

Bloodsweatntears · 20/04/2023 21:13

At least if you put him in a playpen you know he’s contained and less likely to hurt himself whilst you make a coffee or nip to the loo. Much safer than trying to hold him or having him underneath boiling water.

Did the current need to be held by you coincide with your return to work - it may be that he’s getting used to the new routine and needs extra reassurance.

It started to get worse before, but it's intensified perhaps. Poor little guy.

OP posts:
Original poster
waallpaint · 20/04/2023 21:16

User0ne · 20/04/2023 21:13

Kids (babies really) often get separation anxiety around this age- it's developmentally normal and can last for a few months

You could try using a sling for contact. If you have a partner/dh/friend who will watch them for you, then you should go out for half an hour a day by yourself for YOUR sanity/health as it's bothering you. I used to sit in the car with a coffee and magazine if the weather was bad.

You can leave him "unsupervised" briefly (to go to the toilet, for example). Even if he does climb on the sofa he's unlikely to suffer serious injury by falling off. Children are essentially made of rubber until around 2/3yrs old.

Try to go with the flow of his needs and also be kind to yourself.

Yeah the separation anxiety has hit now for sure. He doesn't like new people and new places and clings to me a lot. The sofa really freaks me out though. The other day I found him hanging off head first and I just caught his legs in time .

OP posts:
sexnotgenders · 20/04/2023 21:18

My DD did this about the same age, it was exhausting. But she did eventually grow out of it. I found the more I tried to push back and resist holding her, the worst she got - she just needed that reassurance from me, so I just picked her up and held her as much as I could. I found getting a step/stand for her to stand on and reach the kitchen worktop helped me to be able to get the cooking done - so she'd be stood right next to me, able to see what I was doing, and sometimes that was enough to not insist on actually being held (especially if I engaged her in cooking - a handful of mushrooms and a butter knife are pretty easy for little ones to play with without risk of injury). It lasted a couple months, maybe 6 weeks, before she would tolerate larger periods not being held. However, she's over 2 now and still insists on coming to the toilet with me. I've just gotten used to having a little toilet buddy. I'm living the dream on days when I get to solo shit!!

Hazelnuttella · 20/04/2023 21:21

My DS was exactly like this, it’s exhausting and bloody annoying.

It did get better though and now he’s actually nice company (just turned 2).

No advice because nothing really worked for me, just sympathy. It will get better though.

Original poster
waallpaint · 20/04/2023 22:00

I'm living the dream on days when I get to solo shit!!

👏👏

I feel like I'm living the dream when I get to do the washing up solo

OP posts:
VivaVivaa · 20/04/2023 22:09

DS was like this around the age of 1. It was completely exhausting. He was such an angry little ball of frustration - he had full blown separation anxiety but was also desperate to walk and talk and be independent. Couldn’t make his mind up. He also had the mother of all sleep regressions and use to wake up screaming and needing to be held for hours like a newborn. Basically, circa 1 yo has been my least favourite part of parenting so far to be honest.

I can’t remember the full ins and outs but it was so much easier by 18 months and I’ve loved having a toddler pretty much since. Hang on in there!

Balalala · 05/03/2024 08:08

this is exactly like my 13 month old at the moment, did it eventually get better @waallpaint

snorlax99 · 05/03/2024 08:28

This is totally normal, but still absolutely exhausting. I just got a play pen and put him in it with toys. Sometimes he'd cry and sometimes he'd sit and play for a few minutes, often a bit of both. It was an awful phase but when you're on your own with them, sometimes you just need to get things done. I made peace with him crying in the playpen for a few minutes knowing he was safe, vs the risk of an accident with hot pans etc in the kitchen cos he was hanging off my legs screaming. My son is coming up 20 months now and can still be a bit like this at times but generally much better, he's happy pottering about playing with tupperware etc rather than trying to climb me when I'm cooking. He still comes to the toilet with me though!

Mumma2Frankie07 · 05/08/2025 23:23

Hey did this get any better? My LO is nearly 15 months and been doing this since around 9 months (when he started walking) so fed up

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