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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Changing job- am I being selfish?

37 replies

Confusedmama2023 · 20/04/2023 20:17

Hi all, I’d really appreciate your advise and any experience ....I’m so torn and feel so guilty.

I have a stable job in a school with good pay and good hours. I am able to drop off and collect my son from school 3 days a week. But I’m really unhappy in the job, I’ve lost all motivation, dread going in and feel I’m not doing a very good job. I’m finding the workload stressful and not giving it my all.

I saw a job that I really fancied and was interested in and decided last minute to just go for it to see what happened, however, I have now been offered the job which has put me in a dilemma. It’s working from home, 9-5pm (mon-fri), 25 days annual leave a year and also £11,000 less a year! I’d have to consider childcare or struggle WFH. Am I completely out of my mind and selfish to consider accepting the job offer? Or do I suck it up and get on with the job I have as it suits family commitments with more money (around £500 a month more). We are able to survive without the extra £500.

I just feel so trapped in my current job because of the good pay and holidays but I want to be happy and motivated with less work stress😞

Would really appreciate your views! Thanks in advance 😊

OP posts:
LaughingCat · 20/04/2023 21:08

I feel you on the needing to leave - the overwhelming effect of being miserable at work just takes over everything. I get The Dread about the next day roughly half an hour after I finish now. It’s all-consuming and drains you of enjoyment for anything else.

But…no, this job doesn’t sound like the smart move. Something will come up…it’s so hard to be patient when you feel so trapped but remember, you’re not giving in to your captivity, you’re biding your time and plotting your escape.

LaughingCat · 20/04/2023 21:10

Oh, and congrats on being offered that job, @Confusedmama2023! That’s a great achievement and shows that you have the skills that people are looking fir, so you WILL get the right job when it comes along!

Gothambutnotahamster · 20/04/2023 21:13

TheQueenOfOverthinking · 20/04/2023 20:20

More hours, less money and you’d have to find/fund childcare? You child would lose the benefit of your full attention if you attempted to WFH and look after them.

I know money isn’t everything but I’d keep looking for a more suitable position.

This!

CaffeineFirstPlease · 20/04/2023 21:15

No I wouldn’t but then job / career is very low priority for me and I would much rather have the time with my kid and time for my hobby.

ImSidneyFuckingPrescott · 20/04/2023 21:38

Unless its a role/industry you are desperate to be in, I would say absolutely not.

What if you did move and discovered you didn't enjoy it? The additional stress of childcare, fewer holidays and less money would become even more of an issue.

I would try and either find something similar to what you have now or perhaps try and make your current job more bearable - studying, project work even something totally random like running a club in the school on something you are interested in.

HeidiIou · 20/04/2023 22:31

If you're happy to lose all that money why not drop to 3 days a week where you are ibstead of 4 etc?

ReplGirl · 20/04/2023 22:35

Quiet quitting is for you ... 11K is a hell of a pay cut!

GelPens1 · 20/04/2023 22:39

Confusedmama2023 · 20/04/2023 20:44

Thank you all so much, this advice has really opened my eyes and helped me see some sense.
I should have added in the original post that I’m only working 30 hours in current role for £34,000 with all the school holidays. New job would be £26,400 for 37.5 hours with only 5 weeks holiday.
Its sounds ridiculous now I’m saying it out aloud 🙈 I think I just feel desperate to leave my job but perhaps I need to try to make it work instead of giving up!

£11k sounds like a lot but when you consider NI and tax it’s about £400 less each month (not sure if you have student loan). Is this a job that you’re really interested in and could see yourself progressing in?

Ialalaaaa · 20/04/2023 22:46

LoisLanyard · 20/04/2023 20:34

Can you ask them to match your current salary? Or if you can do part time hours for the salary they are offering? I don’t think you have anything to lose really by asking if you haven’t already. Leaving one job for more hours and less pay will eat you up eventually!

That's what I was thinking too!

SmallAngryPenguinWoman · 21/04/2023 10:20

£11k sounds like a lot but when you consider NI and tax it’s about £400 less each month

Plus having to pay for wraparound childcare during term-time and full-time childcare during school holidays. And giving up a lot of holiday leave!

OP, if you work out the hourly rate over the year I will bet that you are taking a much bigger pay cut than you think.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/04/2023 10:23

£11k sounds like a lot but when you consider NI and tax it’s about £400 less each month

Seems like a lot to me-£400 is a monthly shop

Dixiechickonhols · 21/04/2023 10:45

Other thing is pension. You are probably on a decent one working in a school. Even if new company is similar you’ll be contributing less at such a big pay cut.

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