Should I send her a birthday card

[SunshineAndFizz]

I've just found out my brother's wife has been having an affair. They've been together decades and DB is totally devastated, didn't see it coming at all. It'll be the end of the marriage - she's chosen the other bloke.

I'm not meant to know, he hasn't told family yet as I think he wants to get his head round it all first (totally his decision) but I've accidentally found out via his friend.

It's SIL's birthday next week and I'd usually send her card and present (they live in another country). Naturally I don't want to send her anything as I'm gutted how badly she's treated my DB, but if I don't it might give away that I know, and get his friend in trouble for sharing the info). Ultimately I don't want to add any further upset to my DB. He'll speak to me when he's ready.

YABU - you'll have to send her something as you're not meant to know.
YANBU - don't send her anything, she's a dick.

I wouldn't want to send her anything but if you're not meant to know and you think he might say something if you don't send anything, I probably would just for his sake.

don't send one

YANBU

If questioned say oh it must have got lost in the post.

No don't send anything.

I think you need to tell your brother you know.

If his friend has blabbed to you, chances are you're not the only one.

He should know this I think.

I wouldn't send anything.

Just tell yr brother u know.

Tell your brother you know. He will probably be relieved he doesn’t have to tell you himself and probably could do with the support.
Dont send SIL anything.

I know I'm desperate to speak to him about it and try to support him. Above all I just don't want to add to his worries (i.e. catch him off guard/force him to talk about it/get angry at his friend).

The friend assumed I knew and said he hadn't told anyone else.

DB will tell me soon himself I'm sure.