Is my son normal?-worried

Namechangetimes100 · 2023-04-20T18:20:45+00:00

He’s 16 months and incredibly heavy handed, smacks, pulls hair, gets in the blinds the works. We tell him no and he just carries on, we tell him kind hands and demonstrate a gentle touch and no impact and then remove him from ‘bad’ situations. But his nursery have said he was very rough today, pushing, smacking, sitting on classmates, some babies! My eldest never did this. his speech is ok, he has a small handful of words, not lots but he can say mama, dada, nana, ca (cat) dug (dog), more, no and his sisters name. He understands some questions because if you ask if he wants something he nods or shakes his head, if he’s finished he signs it and if you ask him to get a book or toy he will. But he does not listen and is incredibly stroppy. Is this normal? I’ve never dealt with such a heavy handed child.

IamAlso4eels · 20/04/2023 19:23

He's one year old.

He is pretty much driven entirely by "I want so I'm gonna do", that's just what some toddlers are like. Just keep gently reminding him of the boundaries, redirecting him and providing safe outlets for his needs (e.g., if he likes emptying the cupboards the designated a cupboard as "his" with safe items he can empty such as tupperware or metal pans).

VivaVivaa · 20/04/2023 19:25

He’s still a baby, barely even a toddler. ‘Kind hands’ is far too sophisticated a concept for one his age. As is the idea that he might listen and obey your commands! Just keep removing from undesirable situations and modelling the behaviour you want to see from him in the future. Nothing you’ve said sounds out of the normal - I suspect your first was just very compliant.

Coffeellama · 20/04/2023 19:25

Sounds normal to me, they’re all different.

Original poster

Namechangetimes100 · 20/04/2023 19:30

phew, nursery acted like it was a very very big deal and incredibly serious and made a point of how he had to be separated and they’d need to monitor this moving forward. Thing is, there’s no malice behind it as he’s smiling, he’s quite loving really really but very excitable and easily carried away

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MyFaceIsAnAONB · 20/04/2023 19:31

Wow he’s tiny! Yes I’d say normal.

VivaVivaa · 20/04/2023 19:33

Nursery sound OTT and I’m really wondering what they expect you to do? It’s not like you can tell a 16 month old off hours down the line and expect them to understand why! They just need to be removing him from the situation every time.

Daisymae55 · 20/04/2023 19:34

My nursery recently had a chat with me about my dd (13 months) hitting other babies and to encourage “kind hands” - I think it’s more to cover them for the parents of babies that are being hit - they clarified it’s totally normal behaviour for a child that age. So yeah, totally normal and don’t worry about what nursery said (she has since stopped since another baby gave her a taste of her own medicine, but won’t be surprised if she starts again)

Original poster

Namechangetimes100 · 20/04/2023 19:35

VivaVivaa · 20/04/2023 19:33

Nursery sound OTT and I’m really wondering what they expect you to do? It’s not like you can tell a 16 month old off hours down the line and expect them to understand why! They just need to be removing him from the situation every time.

yeah, and a lot of the time when you say no he just laughs at you, so all we can really do is repeat repeat x infinity and kind hands times a million and then remove from the situation. When he’s doing it, it’s definitely more playful than in an act of rage in a temper tantrum, although he does that too when he wants something from my eldest and they don’t want to share

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TBC45678 · 20/04/2023 20:28

Mine's exactly the same, I've been worried too. His older sibling was never like this and is so gentle and calm. Nursery also have made a few comments about him being too rough and not listening and have had to remove him from the other children at times as he won't stop hurting them. He doesn't do it in anger, he's just heavy handed, as you say. To give a hug for example he just climbs on the child and squashes them. What's worse is everyone flinches when he's holding anything hard/heavy as he will hit with it or throw it. When you say no he just thinks it's funny and does it more...

No advice but I'm just telling myself it's a stage and keep reinforcing good behaviour and showing kind hands. If he hits I take his hands and show how to be gentle. I'm sure they'll grow out of it!

IncompleteSenten · 20/04/2023 20:29

Yes. Don't worry. Some very young children are like that. Carry on with the consistent redirecting and he'll grow out of it.

CupEmpty · 20/04/2023 20:30

Just because you mentioned blinds - please PLEASE if you have blind cords make sure they are fixed to the wall with a bracket and tied up EVERY time.

Original poster

Namechangetimes100 · 20/04/2023 20:38

CupEmpty · 20/04/2023 20:30

Just because you mentioned blinds - please PLEASE if you have blind cords make sure they are fixed to the wall with a bracket and tied up EVERY time.

They can’t be tied up to the wall because they are vertical but the actual cord is halfway up the wall and bracketed

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LittleMG · 20/04/2023 20:43

Just asking out of interest really but for
everyone saying this is normal…
my son has hit or hurt anyone, he bit me once and I went owch! And he was really upset and never did it again. Why are some kids like this? I’m worried my 2nd one won’t be the same and I don’t know how I’ll deal with that. Why do some kids never ever hit and some do it all the time??

LittleMG · 20/04/2023 20:44

Sorry he has NEVER hit or hurt anyone 🙄

UndercoverCop · 20/04/2023 20:47

@LittleMG how old is he?

Justalittlebitduckling · 20/04/2023 20:51

He sounds very similar to my son of a very similar age.

YellowGreenBlue · 20/04/2023 20:52

Who knows @LittleMG - I have three DC and the first two never hurt another child but DC3 went through a hitting / pushing phase - it was really stressful.

Justalittlebitduckling · 20/04/2023 20:53

LittleMG · 20/04/2023 20:43

Just asking out of interest really but for
everyone saying this is normal…
my son has hit or hurt anyone, he bit me once and I went owch! And he was really upset and never did it again. Why are some kids like this? I’m worried my 2nd one won’t be the same and I don’t know how I’ll deal with that. Why do some kids never ever hit and some do it all the time??

No idea! I reacted exactly the same way and my son keeps doing it.

Original poster

Namechangetimes100 · 20/04/2023 20:53

LittleMG · 20/04/2023 20:43

Just asking out of interest really but for
everyone saying this is normal…
my son has hit or hurt anyone, he bit me once and I went owch! And he was really upset and never did it again. Why are some kids like this? I’m worried my 2nd one won’t be the same and I don’t know how I’ll deal with that. Why do some kids never ever hit and some do it all the time??

That’s like my first, she was a bit heavy handed as a baby, pulling up and stuff and using you as a climbing frame but she never really smacked or anything, it was mentioned once as nursery she hit another kid and never did it again, she had tantrums as a toddler but she never really lashed out or anything.

i thought it might be a girl v boy thing and maybe 1st v 2nd child thing, copying an elder sibling. She was later to walk v him 14/15 months v 11months, he said his first word earlier too but he’s much more physical. I think competing for attention might factor into things too? Like if she wants a story and sits on my lap, he’ll come over and try and sit too, and then either not be able to focus on the story or push her away, i think that might play a role

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AgrathaChristie · 20/04/2023 20:59

Sorry, I don’t understand this part “gets in the blinds the works. “
You don’t mean the strings ( can’t remember the proper name) of window blinds? That can be really dangerous and of course a 16 month old wouldn’t recognise that.
And he sounds like a normal 16 month old to me.

Original poster

Namechangetimes100 · 20/04/2023 21:08

AgrathaChristie · 20/04/2023 20:59

Sorry, I don’t understand this part “gets in the blinds the works. “
You don’t mean the strings ( can’t remember the proper name) of window blinds? That can be really dangerous and of course a 16 month old wouldn’t recognise that.
And he sounds like a normal 16 month old to me.

We have a patio door that leads out to our garden and it has vertical blinds, he just loves to pull them, he can’t touch the cord because that’s at least 4.5/5ft off the ground but it’s the actual blinds them selves

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SprinkleRainbow · 20/04/2023 21:09

My just 2yr old is just like this! Like a bull in a China shop, I do consistently use calm words 'Soft strokes' 'Gentle' and show him via guidance of his hands the softness he needs.
As soon as his emotions take over whether excitement, jealousy, frustration all that goes out the window but Its actually completely normal and finding the triggers is the best way forward. Nursery need to be supporting you and him with this though

Original poster

Namechangetimes100 · 20/04/2023 21:20

SprinkleRainbow · 20/04/2023 21:09

My just 2yr old is just like this! Like a bull in a China shop, I do consistently use calm words 'Soft strokes' 'Gentle' and show him via guidance of his hands the softness he needs.
As soon as his emotions take over whether excitement, jealousy, frustration all that goes out the window but Its actually completely normal and finding the triggers is the best way forward. Nursery need to be supporting you and him with this though

He’s a sweet little boy full of love but just an utter oaf, he’s like it with himself, head full of bumps and bruises from running into a door, or bumping his head getting stuck trying to reach something. He does have a problem sharing with his older sister and a habit of wanting whatever she has, but I think he’s picked that up from her as she was like that when he was younger too

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SprinkleRainbow · 20/04/2023 21:51

My little boy is actually very loving, a lot more than my DD was at that age! He loves a cuddle and loves to share certain things- but it's all on his terms! 🤣 he knows what he wants and what he doesn't and cannot be persuaded/distracted otherwise.
Your little one sounds so similar to my boy, mine has only just in the last few weeks started to talk. I'm hoping as the talking progresses the heavy handedness will reduce. But I can definitely relate to you