Bit of background – Me and dh have had a stressful 3 years. I would say the worse 3 years of my life. Starting with my son from age 2 to 3 who had behavioural issues and a big language delay. He would run off outside and would not listen to instructions and had no sense of danger. He would hit me on purpose and by accident – I have had black eyes, blooded noses, bust lips and countless bruises from him. When he turned 3 we started on the year long process of getting him an autism diagnosis and getting the right help. The whole process was slow and it kept me up at night with worry. Worry about the future and if I am doing enough, getting the right help for him. Both me and my dh ended up on anti depressants because of this. He started to improve with his behaviour and language since turing 4 but he still has a language / communication delay. The whole thing has been a very long emotionally difficult time for me. So we decided to have another baby but at 24 weeks I ended up hospitalised with phenomena for 5 days because I had breathing difficulties and felt reduced movement from the baby. Then my baby was not growing any more and I had to have an induction and then an emergency c section. Then my 1 week old daughter was hospitalised with seizures for 6 days. This was the scariest few days of my life and it just felt like one thing after another. They think it was meningitis. She is also quite a difficult baby and still does not sleep well so we are both quite busy and exhausted from the last few years.
Bit of background with Sil – since I have known her Sil has always made demands on our time and it is not a two way street. Like she expected us to break lockdown rules at Christmas and travel 60 miles to clean Mil's rental property (it would have taken 3 hours by public transport since we both could not drive at the time). She of course was not going to help clean. One time she arrived in a neighbouring city next to us early and she than expected us to drop what we doing to come see her (it would have been an expensive taxi ride to get there on time). She would ask for expensive makeup that costs £40-60 from us for every birthday and Christmas and she would get us a £5-10 gift in return. On Christmas day when we would stay at Mil’s house (pre dc) she would bang on our bedroom door at 7am because she wanted us to open presents together (mostly watch her open presents and be stroppy if she got something she did not like). One Christmas she asked for a 20 pounds and a 40 pounds make-up item and we only got her the 20 pounds items since money was a bit tighter that year, and she actually said is that i! Mil would want help with Christmas prepping (perfectly reasonable) but every year Sil would point at me an dh when Mil asked who would help, she never once helped out. When at our house she does not lift a finger while here – she would not even take her own plate away after I made lunch. Tantrums or stroppy behaviour if you dont want to do what she wants. There is also her behaviour which both annoys me and I find odd – examples are - at my sons christening he started to cry when the water was poured on his head and she started laughing out loud. When my autistic ds pronounced something wrong and she said what was that and started laughing. Frankly at this point I do not want her around my son if she is going to laugh at things he struggles with due to his autism.
There is also massive boundary issues that is also a one way street. - like asking private information about us and our family but she would get annoyed with dh if he did the same, her personal life is private. She asked to attend dc's first video appointment with the paediatrician for his autism diagnoses. It really feels like she expects special treatment from dh.
Sil has just complained to dh that her birthday card is not signed with our children names on it. She did not enquire as to my well-being when I was in hospital with pneumonia while pregnant and she did not come to see my daughter while in the hospital with seizures yet she is complaining about her birthday card – wtf?
AIBU to be annoyed at this point by her behaviour and to ask what is actually wrong with her?