To ask what helped your autistic child?

[Annon12345]

Posting here for traffic, sorry!
What helped your autistic child thrive? Special school, play therapy, lego therapy, speech therapy, music lessons? The list is potential ideas is endless though nothing ive done so far has helped. Ds aged 5 recent diagnosis of asd. speech issues, sensory seeker who atm is making my life incredibly difficult with some annoying shouting and noise. I can't have a conversation with him, he has some speech for his needs but not social skills and unable to hold a conversation. Currently in Mainstream school with 1 to 1 and academically ok but unaware of world around his and appears lost and in his own world. I've read books, tried some activities but nothing seems to interest him. I'm frustrated, he's frustrated, life is hard work, exhausting. We need to apply for the ehcp but looking at ideas for anything that may be actually useful and where you noticed a difference?

Thanks

I have known some good results from drum therapy, it’s a controlled environment in which they are encouraged to make noise, so could be beneficial for him. It also helps to expel energy.

You could also look into sensory circuits suited to his individual sensory needs. They should
be able to implement these at school, as you know though, routine and consistency are key.

This has really resonated with me, thank you for putting all that into words!

@CopperRosie I'm delighted! It was a huge decision to let go of the guilt & just be his mum... Life changing xx

home education
gentle/hippy parenting approach which means a low demand household as i have one wit PDA and another with ODD, amongst many other disabilities each
all comes under a lifestyle choice called radical unschooling

I think you have to just chuck a load of mud at the wall and see what sticks. What has worked for us:

• OT. She is hypermobile and the OT's recommendations have improved things such as her handwriting and scissor and cutlery skills, as well as reducing the pain she feels doing those tasks, most importantly.

• Improving her sleep. For us, the issue was getting her to sleep in the first place. It isn't perfect, but it's so much better now. It has taken a lot of small tweaks over the years, but the most recent was that moving her bedtime later yielded a much earlier falling asleep time (rather counterintuitively!).

• Plenty of vigorous exercise. It helps with the sleep too, but also makes her a happier person. Through swimming, her main sport, she has also met a couple of really good friends. I suspect certain sports attract ND people, and there certainly seems to be an above average number at her swimming club. We also have a climbing frame in the garden, which DD can often be found on when the weather is OK.

• Finding good friends. It's a numbers game unfortunately IME, but having friends she fits in with has made her so much happier. She is part of a quite geeky group at school (the others are all boys) that feeds her interests, and the group at swimming where they are all quite similar personality-wise and accepting. I have actively directed her away from many of the girls at school, as they can be quite unkind when DD doesn't quite fit in. As pre-puberty kicks in (they are all 8 & 9), the comments are becoming quite bitchy which leaves DD upset and confused (often she knows what has been said is unkind, but not why).

• Supporting her special interests with books, equipment and days out etc. This is expensive, but she is at peace when immersed in her interest.

• Turning her bedroom into a sensory room, so she has somewhere to go when she becomes disregulated.

• The cat, although the cat is not equally appreciative of her affections, unfortunately. I'm currently weighing up getting her a male ragdoll kitten, in the hope she can end up with a cat that appreciates (or at least better tolerates) the attention. I'm torn because I only agree with rehoming rather than buying from breeders, but it will be pointless if we end up with another lovely-but-somewhat-aloof cat (I appreciate there are never any guarantees of getting a cuddly one, obviously, even with a specific breed & sex that make it more likely).

• Finally getting a diagnosis. People are more understanding and it provides a 'shorthand' way for others to quickly understand her needs, albeit in a very stereotypical way (obviously we go into more detail where needed).

• Getting a tutor. She also has ADHD, and struggles with focus in class. Going to the tutor ensures she isn't missing bits and thoroughly understands a topic, but also means she's challenged as despite being able, she never gets the stretch work as she never finishes the first bit in the time allotted (this is primarily for maths).

SkankingWombat - We have a (female) ragdoll, unfortunately she is 'doglike' in her desire to play with her people whilst actually being a cat in the way she wants to play, and our child is now scared of being suddenly ambushed and play-wrestled (all very soft pats, claws in, but still a jump scare) and usually won't be in a room with her.

Which school is that please ?

Which special school is best for an active child

What SS is best will depend on DC’s needs, age, sex, where you live…

You would be better starting your own thread.

My son did amazing in mainstream school with 1-1
We moved him to sen school age 7 when he would have had to move from infant school to a separate junior school and it all went crap from there to be honest.
It took them four years to even realise he could read really well ( despite us telling them constantly)and he was literally just babysat!

I agree with this. I would add that as well as prioritising his happiness, ensure your own. Your child will need you so much. You can’t run of fumes. If it means giving up work, do it. If it means working to get a break and feel fulfilled, do it. If it means paying to outsource domestic tasks over a family holiday (which may not be enjoyable to your child!), do it.
You’ll need to learn to parent and live in a way that suits you and your child. You will meet judgement and misunderstanding. Try to grow a thick skin and plow on confidently and unapologetically.

My son thrived because he never went to school. He was with me at home and his day was all about his needs and nothing about him having to be a round peg in a square hole. He was
and still is severely autistic but once he started speaking at 9 it became very clear he’d
been soaking up information like a sponge. He could also take care of his personal care himself and I put that down to having him at home and taking as long as he needed to learn how to live a day and not have it interrupted by having to get ready to go on a school bus.

of course there was a lot more to it than that but despite needing 2-1 round the clock care because of the deterioration in his mental health and 3 more dx on top of his classic kanners autism he lives a very independent day and he’s still at home with us.

With respect the spectrum is huge and what works for one child might not work for another
Is your child in the right education setting at present ,that can make a huge difference
Are they able to access activities outside if school ?
Things can be very difficult at first things need to be in place to help.your child reach their.potential whatever that might be

I’m laughing at the thought of me being described as a hippy by anyone because of the approach I took with my son. 🤣

@x2boys thank you. I appreciate that I was exploring ideas and it's all trial and error so it's useful to hear other approaches that we may not have thought of previously

Our dog has made the biggest difference. A working black lab we've had since 8 weeks. When DD1 has a meltdown, our dog lies on top of her and licks. She ends up giggling. It must feel like deep pressure therapy as DDog is 33 kg!

We didn't train the dog to do this; she just does it.

Melatonin too. She goes to sleep in the evening and gets a good night.

@stargirl1701 sadly ds has a fear of dogs though is more accepting of them currently so who knows for the future and yes melatonin is something I think we may enquire about!

DD1 is now doing Dog Agility for Autism with our dog. The trainer works with autistic youngsters who have dog phobias. There is a Facebook page to find a local provider.