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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Scared to work full time again

26 replies

Mysondoesntsleep · 20/04/2023 12:25

I haven’t worked full time since 2021 and I’m absolutely dreading it. I’ve had a DS since then and I love being home with him and going out and about.

I can’t bare the thought of the commute and being in an office again all day. I will get to work from home after training. But still il be sat at the computer all day at home.

I won’t be able to drop my kids of at school and pick them up again.

aibu to feel like this? I

OP posts:
Boughtitdownthemarket · 20/04/2023 12:30

I work full time. I don't love it but I just grin and bear it. It doesn't really affect my children. We're both teachers though so get the holidays as a family.

Chowtime · 20/04/2023 12:32

YANBU - have you thought about being a SAHM. I stayed at home till mine were in secondary school and loved it. It was so much less stress than working.

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/04/2023 12:33

Do you need to go back? Do you have a spouse who can afford you not to work?

Heroicallyfound · 20/04/2023 12:34

Sounds like it’ll be a big adjustment for you but that’s okay, you’ll work through it.

The school run is overrated IMO! Loads of people at my work take a short lunch and nip out to pick up their children around 3pm while working from home.

HistoryFanatic · 20/04/2023 12:39

Chowtime · 20/04/2023 12:32

YANBU - have you thought about being a SAHM. I stayed at home till mine were in secondary school and loved it. It was so much less stress than working.

I am guessing OP doesn't have the choice?

HistoryFanatic · 20/04/2023 12:40

I am sure you will get used to it, OP. The thought is probably worse than the reality. Lots of parents are in the same position.

meatbaseddessert · 20/04/2023 12:43

Chowtime · 20/04/2023 12:32

YANBU - have you thought about being a SAHM. I stayed at home till mine were in secondary school and loved it. It was so much less stress than working.

Yes most of us have thought that sitting about not working would be much less stress than ... working. Confused

LolaSmiles · 20/04/2023 12:43

YANBU to feel that way. Returning to work after having a child is often a transition that stirs up lots of feelings. It's not unreasonable to feel any way about the transition.

If if you're working from home after your training then you're probably best to make peace that it's a small period with a commute and then you can work from home. Depending on your workplace, they may have flexibility outside of core hours which could be used to do some of the school runs, or you might be able to compress some of your hours to have one day off/a lunchtime finish on a Friday.

TearsforBeers · 20/04/2023 12:46

You aren't unreasonable to feel like this but there are many longer term benefits to working and if you can WFH after your training then that can really help with work life balance.

Findyourneutralspace · 20/04/2023 12:46

YANBU to feel this way. You feel how you feel, and that feeling is shared my millions of working parents up and down the land.
Unfortunately it’s a necessity for most but if there’s a flexible working option, I’d consider it in a heartbeat.

Original poster
Mysondoesntsleep · 20/04/2023 12:48

I can stay home but the issue is I’ve qualified nearly 2 years ago now and I’ve done absolutely nothing with my qualification. I’ve finally got a job offer where they are willing to train me so I can’t really say no.

OP posts:
Nordicrain · 20/04/2023 12:52

I feeling kind of similar. I work 4 days currently in a relatively senior/ high responsibility job, and could definitely use another working day workwise. However, although it doesn't really impact childcare as both mine are at school now, the thought of not having that Friday to catch up with life admin, tidying, regaining my sanity seems unbearable. Our week is non-stop and the fact I get 6 hours out to regroup is half the reason I stay sane I think.

MintJulia · 20/04/2023 12:53

YANBU but you'll adapt. We all do, and it's much easier with wfh. I work full time, mostly from home and collect my ds.

Just adjust your hours. While ds was at primary, I dropped him at school at 8.40 and was home by 9, worked until 2.50 then took lunch hour to collect him, bring him home, settle him with a snack and then back to my keyboard until 5.30.

Now at senior school, I drop him at the bus at 7.45, home by 8, work through until 5.15, then collect him from the bus stop and home by 6.

I'm sure your company will flex by that small amount if you ask.

NerrSnerr · 20/04/2023 12:56

Can you work part time?

Original poster
Mysondoesntsleep · 20/04/2023 12:59

@MintJulia that’s quite a good set up, im with the NHS so not sure how flexible they will be. But will have to ask!

@NerrSnerr nope the role is full time.

OP posts:
mindutopia · 20/04/2023 13:06

At the moment, I assume your ds is very little if born since 2021, so will be in nursery. Presumably, it will need to be one that works around your hours so you/dp will still be doing the nursery room.

Honestly, doing the actual school run is hell. I'd give up my afternoons at home in a heartbeat if I had a childcare option. Currently, dh and I trade off depending on who needs to work and the other does the school run. It's a chore. I don't enjoy the long afternoon of doling out snacks, breaking up fights, dealing with playdate drama, homework, etc. It's not enjoyable.

That said, my mum went back to work FT when I was 3 months and I never felt like we didn't have plenty of time together. It felt like we had lots of quality time and we did lots of fun things. So it definitely doesn't need to be at all to the detriment of the child. Kids need quality over quantity.

Dithyramb · 20/04/2023 13:07

You’ll adapt, and possibly be a better parent for having another focus. Very few people are suited to being a SAHP for long.

MathsNervous · 20/04/2023 13:08

I don't blame you. I have been a SAHM to 4DC for almost 16 years. I have no intention of going back to a career any time soon.

RunnerBeanWalkerBean · 20/04/2023 13:09

Very few people are suited to being a SAHP for long.

Eh? This can’t be right surely. (I’m not a SAHP but would have loved to be one).

MrsMoastyToasty · 20/04/2023 13:12

Look at things a different way.

What does your salary fund ?

Can you live more cheaply?

Can you start as full time while DC is too young to know and then negotiate for part time hours?

It won't last forever!

Worldgonecrazy · 20/04/2023 13:18

Find a good employer. I WFH 2-3 days per week, as do most of my colleagues. There are some who have to be available at certain times, but everyone else can structure their day to suit, so I might need 20 minutes for school run, another might need time for self care. The important thing is we do what we are paid to do, not sit at our screens 9 to 5. Sine prefer to finish early for the school run then do a couple of hours in the evening. A good employer will know this and be supportive.

safetyfreak · 20/04/2023 13:25

Since returning from maternity I been working 3 days a week, it has been great! I dont think I would ever want to return to a 5 day working week, I would aim for a 4 day working week if possible.

TheOrigRights · 20/04/2023 13:54

Honestly, doing the actual school run is hell.

I think you should have prefaced this comment with "In my opinion".

HistoryFanatic · 20/04/2023 13:54

TheOrigRights · 20/04/2023 13:54

Honestly, doing the actual school run is hell.

I think you should have prefaced this comment with "In my opinion".

I don't mind it personally.

TheOrigRights · 20/04/2023 15:35

HistoryFanatic · 20/04/2023 13:54

I don't mind it personally.

Show quote history

Exactly. I also enjoyed the school run. I have WFH for years so it was a lovely break in the day.

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