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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to think manager doesnt like/rate me

13 replies

Ceci03 · 20/04/2023 10:26

so I started a new job mid-jan. I had a feeling, gut feeling I suppose, since the first day that the manager didnt like me. Nothing to put my finger on, and I tried to ignore the feeling.
But this just happened - so she asked me to do a task about 2 weeks ago, which I did straight away and said to her I hope I did it right, but let me know if there's anything I need to change/correct. She just said 'great'. Then this morn she sent me a very short teams message saying that there were some problems with this task, things were missing/ not right, but it was ok cos she had sorted it out with X. (X is another team member, same grade as me). I just gave the message a thumbs up as I didn't want to cause drama. But I'm regretting it now - i wish I had said I would have been more than happy to amend anything, so I would know what to do in the future.

I know, it's not major, and I'm trying to be zen and 'let it go', but would you say I'm being over sensitive. And why did she involve X who is nothing got to with it, has his own work etc etc. Feel like why didnt she just come back to me and show me what I did wrong and let me put it right? Feeling very undermined and undervalued. I did post last week that I was feeling there was no point to me at work. Am trying to ignore my gut feeling, but it's quite strong! What do you think.

OP posts:

flipent · 20/04/2023 10:29

It's not too late to ask for clarification.
Exactly as you're said, just say that you'd like to understand what the issues were so you can learn for the future.

Middletoleft · 20/04/2023 10:32

Go back to her ask what the problems were and look at it against what you were asked to do. Speak with your colleague if they've got more experience to learn from it if possible.

I had a manager you used to move the goalposts which completely crushed me until I realised it was her not me.

Original poster

Ceci03 · 20/04/2023 10:36

Do you think I should ask her again. Or will that just annoy her. I could say if it happens again I'd appreciate if she could tell me so I can learn from my mistakes?

OP posts:

flipent · 20/04/2023 10:37

Has she told you what the issues were? If not, then ask.
Doesn't matter if it's now resolved, you still need to understand what wasn't good enough.

Wishimaywishimight · 20/04/2023 10:40

I would not have responded to a manager with a thumbs up, it seems a very flippant response.

I would have asked for further feedback, where you had gone wrong so that you could ensure you got it right next time.

Yes, I would go back to your manager and ask now as it shows you are interested in doing things properly. The thumbs up just indicates you were happy for someone else to finish your incorrect work. That's not a criticism, you are new, but a willingness to learn from your mistakes will show you in a much more positive light.

Daffidale · 20/04/2023 10:55

It is reasonable to ask your manager for feedback on what you hadn’t got right, so you can improve in your job.

I’m not that surprised it took some time for your manager to review the work and get back to you. It is more concerning that she asked someone else to make the amendments. That suggests to me that she wasn’t confident that you would be able to get the work up to standard, or perhaps that she would need to spend more time coaching you and giving feedback in order to get it right than she would if she got X to do it. Given what else you’ve said it sounds like she has concerns (rightly or wrongly) about your performance but isn’t handling that well. This isn’t fair but there are things you can do:

I would:

ask for feedback so you can learn and improve. Don’t whine about her giving the work to X. But you could say something like: “I’m sorry the work wasn’t quite right. I’m glad X was able to sort it. Could you give me some more specific feedback on what need doing so I can make sure I get it right next time?” (Pop that in the Teams chat).
Have a look at the final outputs (ask to see them) and compare them to your own work. Spend some time working out what changes X has made and why/how.
ask X for feedback and advice. Once you’ve compared your work with theirs, ask them to talk you through the changes they made, why they were done and what you could do better

good luck and I hope things improve for you at work soon

Original poster

Ceci03 · 20/04/2023 11:26

I did a thumbs up cos at the end of the message she said 'i'm only telling you in case anyone asks you about the amendments'
I'm finding it hard to care about this job tbh. I posted last week too 'what is the point of me at work'. I feel like I was probably only recruited to 'help' at busy times. Most of the time I don't have a lot to do. I start things, and then unbeknownst to me someone else jumps on and does it. Feeling disheartened. I've never worked in a team like this before where everyone does everything so was happy when the manager gave me a specific thing to do. Which I managed to screw up.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ceci03 · 20/04/2023 11:28

PS she ended her message with a smiley face?

OP posts:

GiltEdges · 20/04/2023 11:38

Ceci03 · 20/04/2023 11:26

I remember your previous thread OP and it's obvious you're now in a vicious cycle, as you're not even willing to do the things that might lead to improvement I.e. be proactive in asking your manager to explain what amendments were needed so you'll know for next time. The situation will never improve unless you put the effort into changing it. Seems like it's probably time to look for a different job.

Original poster

Ceci03 · 20/04/2023 11:41

Yeah agreed. I have just asked her for feedback. I'm doing the best I can. There's only so many times you can take a 'brush off' before you think to yourself what's the point.

OP posts:

coretext · 20/04/2023 11:45

Part of your manager's job is to support and train their staff.
They should be offering you the feedback and supporting you to do better next time.
You have every right to ask what the issues were

Original poster

Ceci03 · 20/04/2023 11:51

She came back to me and it's not as bad as I thought - apparently someone from a different team noticed something, and they said it to her, and then they said it to X as that other team person knows him, and that's how they came to sort it out. It's just a big learning curve for me, working in a team where everyone is responsible for everything. I would have thought that it would make sense as I did the work for me to follow up on it. Apparently not though. I don't really like this kind of team work tbh which is why I will probably be looking to move. I prefer having my own tasks - I mean not exclusively, obviously sometimes we can all jump on and help out, but day to day, I just prefer it. I just feel I'm not sure what the point of me is. If I don't do something somebody else will do it anyway and they are better and quicker at doing it so it gets disheartening.

OP posts:

hattie43 · 20/04/2023 11:53

I think your manager sounds very insensitive and unaware . It's obvious someone new needs more support and contact to help learn and train and I don't think she approached this in the right way at all .
In her defence there may have been a tight deadline to the task but even so ... says more about her than you .
I would ask for feedback when you have a moment

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