To take my toddler on holiday with DP whilst my older DC are with their dad (exh)?

[Hotchocolatecuddlewithdogs]

I have have 3 DS. 12, 10 and 2. Ds 12 and 10 are with exh and do go on holiday with him.

my 2 yo lives with me and dp, his dad.

I am planning on going on holiday with dp and toddler but leaving the 12 and 10 yo with their dad. We share 50/50 so they would only be going for an extra weekend.

exh goes away at least twice a year with his dw, she has children but they don’t have any together so isn’t an issue for them.

AIBU to want a holiday without taking 3 children?

we are taking all dc away in the summer

I think it’s fine, I’m a single parent to three. I’m taking all three away soon by myself but in the 6 weeks holidays when the younger two are with their dad, I’m taking myself and eldest away for the week. I’m even going to try and squeeze in a weekend away just by myself if funds allow!

Don't see the problem aslong as you are at some point going to take a holiday with the older one's at some point to. If not then that would be a problem for me not treating all kids the same

I’m a single parent to 4 children and I’ve never taken them on holiday I came up with the idea of taking 2 away at a time both would get holidays just not all together either that or no holiday, I posted on another group and so many people said it was wrong that they should all go at the same time or not at all 😏 I think it’s fine personally

I voted YANBU but then changed my mind to YABU, because I was quick to assume you meant to take younger DS away while your older ones are away with their dad, arranging for them to just be at their dads and stay longer while you go abroad I wouldn't do.

But going away for more younger child appropriate shorter breaks like a just for tots break at Butlins or something while they are at their dads would be fine. I have a teen DC with my exh and then two younger DC. Teen DC is always invited on any planned short breaks, but often chooses not to come and arranges to go to their dads or a friend's instead. For holidays abroad I'd always plan for them to come too. I'd only consider an abroad holiday without them if they were abroad at the same time with their dad.

I think it's fine

I wouldnt do it, I'd wonder how that would make the 2 kids feel watching you take their little brother and not them.

Will the older children be getting an equivalent holiday with you, but without their toddler sibling?

If yes, then I can't see an issue, but I do think you need make sure it's even and that they get treated the same way.

It’s fine. Presumably your older two get a holiday with their dad that your little one doesn’t get.

If the older children are ok with this, then it’s fine. Not all 10 and 12 year olds want to go to the same places as you would a toddler. In a few years, your youngest is going to want to know why he doesn’t go to his siblings Dads house when they do.

I have 4 dc and I take them away two at a time. I think it’s fine so long as it’s fair and clear. It’s really awkward getting hotel rooms for five and I’m not a fan of s/c as I want a holiday too!

Tends just to be a night or two in a hotel rather than a massive holiday often centred round an age appropriate activity.

Children are perfectly capable of understanding that fair doesn’t always mean equal. If I waited for them all to be able to do the same thing. The eldest would age out and we’d never do anything. So I would go for it if I were you.

If the older two don’t want to go with you, it’s fine. If they would prefer to go with you, you would be being unreasonable to go without them.

I couldn't. To me it would be irrelevant how many holidays they have with their father, I would want to go on holiday with them to spend time with them, spoil them, make memories etc. I also wouldn't want to treat them any differently to a half sibling as that's how resentment builds up.

I think it would be okay if you took the older two on a special day/weekend trip or something and left toddler with DP, so they’re also getting some toddler-free fun.

It is fine and normal. Your older children should not mind, especailly if they will go on holidays later with you all.
All kids don't get the exact same childhood though all might be loved equally.

I think it’s okay but if you were the step mum instead of the mum you’d be torn to shreds, interesting to see how different the responses are on here to the usual tirade dished out to posters when it’s the other way around.

yep.
They will remember it, and feel the hurt, for years.

I wouldnt ask to tack on an extra weekend. That feels a hit like pushing them out. Going on a Mon-Fri tots break would be fine because it's something you are doing in your time with the youngest

This is like when a stepmum asks if it's ok to take shared dc away when the older siblings are with their other parent. Stepmum usually get slaughtered and noo...treat them all the same. So you will get that I expect. But really its fine.

Yup people love to hate a stepmum

My DM used to leave me with my dad while she went on holiday with my younger brothers and sisters.
My Dad used to leave me at my moms while he went on holiday with his girlfriend.
It's not fun knowing I missed out on so much because there was an easy place to drop me off and forget about me.

I probably am projecting slightly, but that's how I felt and still feel about it.

I would drive for them all getting a similar level of holidays, whoever they're with. Then you can explain that it is fair to your older ones if they feel left out;

Youngest DC gets holiday without older siblings plus one holiday with them

Older DC get one holiday without younger sibling plus one holiday with.

In my mind it is less concerning which adult they go with! Just give them equivalent holidays!

I also don’t think it’s ok to leave them longer with their dad so you can holiday without them but take your younger one.