To think kids just don't don't have enough free time these days?

[GoodByeMyDearBrain]

Or is it just mine? How much time for unstructured play do yours have and how old are they?

And how old are your kids?

Apologies for the length of this post. Feel free to skip over my own personal situation to the voting options at the bottom of the post.

DD is just six and I just don't know understand how she can have so little time for unstructured play?

I know, it's my own fault but I don't know what to do about it. It's mostly a problem on week day evenings but the weekends pass too quickly as well.

DD comes home at 4pm 2 days a week and at 5pm 2 days a week. One evening she has swimming after school so gets back only shortly before 6. she spends about 30min washing her hands, removing her outer clothes, messing around with her little brother and just generally unwinding. She takes about an hour for dinner (she's severely underweight and probably has arfid so I try not to rush her too much). After dinner she used to watch TV or be on her kindle for 30min but more and more there isn't time for that. Sometimes she reads for a bit. Sometimes she reads her school book, which might be another 15min. Before we know it, it's time to go upstairs to go to bed. She's usually in bed by 8-8.15 and asleep by 8.30. she could do with more sleep though as she struggles to wake up in the morning. Another problem is that she's very slow and dreamy. A lot of time is spent doing routine stuff (like going to toilet, dressing, etc) because she won't focus on the task but talks non stop or dreams away. I am diagnosed with ADHD and sometimes I wonder if she has ADHD as well.

There is no time to play except for a bit of this and that. There is no time for school work either but she's doing well in school so I'm not worried about that. She's taking lessons to play an instrument but never practises at home and I don't feel like asking her to practise when she already has so little time.

Is this normal? When I was in school (not in the UK) I finished school at 1pm or 2pm and had the whole afternoon to do whatever I wanted. Twice a week I did an extracurricular activity but there was still tons of time to play every day or go to my friends' houses. I know though that even if her school finished earlier she'd still have to go to wrap around care (and she does anyway) as both dh and me work. As it is I still can't finish my work during the day and often need to do another hour at night after the kids have gone to bed.

On weekends she spends one morning doing a sport but then we often go out in the afternoon and on Sunday. Usually somewhere kids friendly like the park or playground but again before we know it it's time for bed.

There is just so little time for unstructured play and I feel terrible about it but I don't know what to Do. She has to go to school and I can't work less.

I'm posting in aibu as I'd like to see the poll results but if anyone has any ideas that would help us I'd love to hear about it.

Yabu - my kids have plenty of time for free play (and this includes those that think a couple of hours in the evening is enough and those that somehow have more time. If you are in the latter category please tell me how).

Yanbu - my kids don't have enough time for free play either.

Thanks for your opinions.

I think it's tricky when you're both working and she has food issues.

The thing I'd maybe change is the weekend - could you have a friend round to play one of the days? Or just leave your kids to play together?

I'm lucky and I was a sahm when they were little so they'd come home from school and go straight out to play with friends but tbh they happily did that at the weekend too - are there kids in the street they could play with?

I agree that there is little time due to how the school day is structured, but (I also grew up outside of the UK), school days at that age here are much more play based. I think you could also easily cut extra curricular activities so that afternoons are free apart from swimming lessons.

The days she gets home at 5pm, is she at childcare? They probably do free play there!

Today...
10yo... home at 3.30, and was out by 3.45 with friends. Home at 5pm, read her book, dinner than Scouts.
11yo... home at 4pm after Dance club at school. Straight out with friends until 5.15, then dinner, then she helped with food shopping and a quick park trip while sister at Scouts.

Tomorrow there is no after school activities so they both likely to disappear for a couple of hours.

When younger they played at home rather than with friends.

Mine have plenty of time but that is because they are home earlier. 3 days a week 14:30 and 2 days a week they come home before lunch. Not in the UK. Here being in school/after school club until 4 or 5pm is considered very late and it's just normal for mothers to work part time or not at all. Mine wouldn't cope with not coming home until at leat 4pm a day and neither would I. I have a family to spend time with my kids

Isn't afterschools unstructured play to some degree?

Yes, this is where I feel this is my (and dh's) fault. If she didn't do the after-school clubs she would be in wrap around care anyway, as I can't afford to stop working earlier and pick her up any sooner.

I think her school day is quite full on. Especially since this year. According to her outside of break times there isn't much opportunity to play.

I think another reason why I feel the difference so much to my own childhood is because where I grew up kids didn't join school before they were 6 or 7. DD is born end of August so for her age the work / play balance just seems even crazier to me

Yes, the wrap around care is but she doesn't enjoy it that much. Also they seem to watch quite a bit of TV there. It's more expensive than the after school clubs so every term she does a couple of after school clubs.

Her school is till 3.30 and it takes us about 30min to go home so best case scenario is being at home at 4, which is still quite late.

I think primary kids don't get much free play at school. In my school, they have work to do as soon as they walk into the classroom before registration. Pre-pandemic, they went and played in the playground before registration. They get half an hour at lunchtime to play and a short break in the morning which includes toilet break. I think it can also make a difference if you are within short walking distance to school for after school play dates.

She getting back very late from school...is she in after school childcare...school finishes Primary 3pm to 3.15 in my area

We were abroad (in a hot country!) When my elder DD started school. She did 7.30-1pm. However this worked for families as "Work" hours were often 6am-2pm.

The afternoons for family time were great. It did seem more balanced!

I think it would take a massive cultural shift to get the majority starting work at 6am!

I don't think my school age kids (7 and 9) get enough unstructured play during the week either. Part of it is that they are both really into sport and have a few training sessions each per week, so on those nights there's barely any. But that's all at their request.
Giving them plenty of unstructured play time at the weekend and even more so the holidays is very important to me. I hope it's all balancing out over the year.

I agree, I find it so hard to fit everything in. Home around 3.40 - and we have to fit in playing, bit of telly, hear them read, practice spellings, termly project work, dinner, bath, reading to them, and thats not including their clubs and any play dates obviously.

I found incorporating play into our day in 10 minute segments worked well and having games within reach, I kept a pack of cards, Uno, Connect 4, Guess Who and Battle Ships in the kitchen for after dinner. You may find she eats more if she's distracted by a game too.

If you have a 30 minute journey then talking games like 'I spy' etc.

I was wondering about this - in all these places where children finish around lunchtime, is it the norm to have similar working hours for parents? Or is there generally a parent or grandparent at home? It just wouldn't work in the UK. It's hard enough for working parents when kids finish at 3.30.

If I wasn't working from home and if my employer wasn't so flexible I'd have to pick up DD even later. I really don't know how other people manage. Don't most families have two working parents these days?

My own mum worked on and off. When she was working my sister and me would let ourselves in using our own keys but again I doubt I'd be comfortable with that any time soon. Even back then I would have been older. At least ten.

Also if work starts at 6am surely kids need some sort of wrap around care from 6am then? However you look at it if you are working a full day it means that kids need to be out for at least 7.5h a day.

Having said that during the first lockdown my husband and me took turns to take care of DD.so.i.worked from 4.30am -12 and dh did the afternoons. That was great. Not possible now that we have another child.

Mine are home educated so, although we have always been busy with workshops and meet ups, there has been lots of time for unstructured play. That's where some of the most valuable learning has happened. It is very difficult for most kids though. Does she get more time during the holidays? Could you go out less at weekends?

Yes, I don't mind the journey back home from school so much because it gives us time to have a chat or sometimes play a game. I just wish she had more time to do her own thing at home. It's such a rush every evening and she still goes to bed too late.

Yes, she gets lots of holidays but I don't think it makes up for having more time on a daily basis. She has too much of holidays and too little time every day.

It's hard to prioritise. For me going outside on the weekend is very important and we do mostly kid friendly activities. I don't think the kids get enough exercise or enough fresh air during the week so I like going outdoors on the weekend. Also, with a small toddler at home I go crazy staying in all day. She also loves going to the playground but then she does complain that she doesn't get enough time to play at home.

Another problem that we have specifically with her is that she is very slow and also kind of very thorougj. So some kids might be able to fit in fulfilling play (fulfilling for them) in twenty or thirty minutes but she takes just that time to set up her play (or talk about random stuff).

Full disclosure- I don’t have children

but one of my godchildren spent a lot of time with me at that age (because her dad left). She actually said to her mum “I like spending time with Auntie Emma because she doesn’t make me do anything”. I sort of did in the sense we watched educational TV - well I learned a lot 😂 - and went to the park and on the swings. But that was a lot more relaxed than her normal free time and wrap around care. I also left her to play alone. Sometimes after school she’d be tired and have a nap.

im not child friendly but I knew I’d done something right when I saw her at uni and one of the soft toys I gave her at that time was sitting on her bed. When she comes here she still wants to go to the coffee shop by the park. It makes me feel I did something right in spite of not being a child person.

I can only guess but I think the quiet time and the attention from an adult, even to just babble as kids do and have someone listen, was a bonus for her. I agree kids school day is long. But her parents used to want her to play at friends every weekend. Tbh I only got out of taking her for that initially because of not driving, but when her mum realised she liked hanging out quietly at mine, she pulled back on her doing stuff. (Her mum worked weekends a lot back then)

I’d give her more recharge time at the weekend.
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That sounds lovely. Yes, maybe more recharge time on the weekend.

I have to be honest, given the amount of children loitering around that happens round my way I don't think your experience applies here, at least not universally. Maybe a little older than six to be fair, more like by age eight or nine a lot of the kids seem to have plenty of time to play outside and generally hang around, usually after school until about 9 or 10pm, longer in the holidays obviously.

Focus on what you can control.

I'd scrap the music lessons - she isnt practising so she isn't progressing.

She has time for the iPad- that IS free time. If youd rather she plays or gets extra sleep, you could cut this

There is a lot to be said for letting her take her time and faffing when she washed her hands- if she didnt like it and wants getting anything from it she wouldnt be doing it. Maybe she is daydreaming, playing with the water, sorting her thoughts.

As she gets older she will drop free play as you see it and use her time in things like the iPad, like reading, like playing with hair and makeup as a teenager.

I say this with bo passive aggression- she isnt a toddler and her wants are changing.

I would implement an earlier bedtime though if she is struggling to wake up in the morning. I know when I'm tired my resilience and focus drops X

If you have to work I can't see what else you can do unless you can get someone to look after her at your home straight from school.

I was a SAHM so at that age, my DCs finished school at 3.05, we were home by 3.15 unless there was an after school club which usually finished at 3.45/4pm. There was usually one of these a term.

One night they would have a 30 min piano lesson, but home by 4.45. One night would be Beavers or rainbows for an hour.

Meal at about 5.30 and bed at about 7pm. They could do what they liked in free time - I have to say that did involve quite a bit of TV as they were tired.

Obviously they could have a very different schedule as I wasn't working.