Family guilt over keeping/getting rid of the dog…

[ConfusedDogOwner87]

I got a dog around 18 months ago, he was the quiet pup of the litter so was going to be less problematic as a pup… or so I thought!

Once I got him some things came to light (he hadn’t been treated well by the breeder who turned out to be an utter sham but presented themselves as otherwise - couldn’t adopt to having young children) - and he wasn’t quiet at all - he was unwell and had severe anxiety.

He settled in really well here - like starting to come out of his shell more etc - so I chose to keep him and been working through his issues ever since. He has never been an easy dog to train because of his anxiety and he doesn’t really respond well to incentives but just recently his behaviour has really spiralled - he doesn’t listen to a thing I say, all the training he had done and learnt it’s like he has completely forgotten, whenever I go out he continuously howls now and escapes wherever you put him (he can’t be left roaming around the house because of his tendencies, he jumps over the gates and lets himself out of the crate).

I really have worked hard with him and I don’t know what’s caused this sudden change of behaviour but it’s honestly draining the life out of me to the point where I think he would be better off in another home with someone that can do that specialist work with him - I have a disabled child and there’s only so much I can do with a dog with the issues he has - he was improving so much but this downwards spiral has really taken me by surprise.

My daughter wouldn’t mind I don’t think as she struggles with his behaviours (the jumping up and barking) but it’s the guilt from other family members - like parents, grandparents, siblings - who are trying to guilt trip me into keeping the dog - like they would be devastated/probably not speak to me properly again if I got rid of him.

Do I persevere and just hope this is a phase or make that difficult decision and deal with the fall out?

Hi,what has been your training method ? Can you afford a session with a genuinely good dog behaviour trainer?(don't get one that's just done an online course with no experience).If you can,they should be able to identify your dogs main issue and once you know what you are working with you will feel more positive.
If he has come from a puppy farm he may be inbred and therefore have major physical and/or mental health problems.Has a vet thoroughly examined him to ensure its not a discomfort or pain causing the issues ?
there are things you can do with separation anxiety,starting with leaving the room for a few seconds and coming back in,ignore the dog until he is quiet then greet him and working up to being in another room for a few minutes to eventually going out of the front door for a minute then coming home.by not immediately fussing him he will learn that you coming home isn't all that exciting really..but DO praise him the very second he is calm.
before going out,make sure he is well exercised with an hour off lead,then leave him with a radio or tv on,a comfy bed,toys and a couple of chews plenty of fresh water.
when he goes to his bed or crate,leave him alone,let that be his safe place.
try ignoring bad behaviour and rewarding good behaviour.
I know it's hard,but try not to resent him he is not at fault.
You can play dog calming music too and use the plug in calming scents,but speak to your vet about help.
good luck.🐾🐾

Sounds like pretty full on separation anxiety related problems, in a dog who already has anxiety/stress related problems, who is also a teenager, with all that entails.

It won't simply get better by itself and it won't just 'go away', I think you know that but you will get people telling you to just leave him a few minutes at a time and he'll grow out of it... etc.

I would strongly advise you to seek help re separation related problems, there are a number of specialist behaviour consultants who deal with this (I am one of them, but full client list right now) and their support is vital, it is a long and tedious process and you do need someone elses support to get through it. The work itself is not difficult, but it is slow and boring.

To give you an idea of how slow - one of my current clients is doing AMAZINGLY well... in 4 MONTHS we have gone from her howling at the door should the owner step out through it briefly, to now 8 minutes of chilled 'have a look at the door, wander off, get comfy somewhere else' whilst owner leaves, sits in the car, shuts the car doors, runs the engine.

To fix an anxiety related issue of any kind you need to remove as much stress/triggers for anxiety as possible, and then implement a behaviour modification program, generally desensitizing gradually to the problem situation.

That often isn't easy and generally people go far too fast (see: 'leave the dog for a few minutes...' in many cases these dogs need to do lots of work before you even GET to any absence at all and when you do, it is a few seconds, not minutes!) which of course makes the issue work.

To address SRP you need to ensure you never leave the dog exposed to the fearful trigger, in this case, being alone, as each time you do, you'll undo the work you've previously done.

That is sometimes impossible for some owners, it generally involves a lot of organisation, sorting out sitters, family members, professionals, daycares etc - and of course is also often very expensive.

If you can't do that then rehoming may be the better option, however people are not bashing down rescues doors for dogs with SRP, and rescues are pretty full so its best to start on the process even if you're considering rehoming, as at least it won't make the issue worse.

This isn't super appalling behaviour that should lead to you giving up a member of your family in my opinion. Pay a trainer, figure out what the triggers are and get the dog in a place where it is content.

We have such a throwaway society!

Also why does every poster state that they have a disabled child, like it is relevant here? Presumably your child was disabled when you got the dog?