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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A rant really and am I to be annoyed?

54 replies

ranty · 19/04/2023 18:19

So this week has been a shit how really. I started my new job last week, first one in over seven years but this week they are letting me 'work' from home as they've gone away this week to a meeting so I'm just doing training videos. The nursery my DD goes to full time phones me on Monday and tells me that she might have chicken pox as she has some little spots but not to come and get her as she's fine in herself, no temp etc so we get her at the end of the day and she's totally fine. The next day they call me and tell me she's done two loose poo's and if she does another I'll have to come and get her but once again she's fine in herself. At the end of the day they say she's done a third so she can't come in for two days. Again, she's totally fine with no temp and is playful. So today, I've not been able to really do any training for my new job which I really want to do well at (partner has to work as well so he couldn't have her today) as when shes home with me she just wants my attention (16 months old). Now I understand nursery's need to take precautions but it's not the first time they've done this, they've asked me to get her before when I've had a week off because she's grouchy and just wants to sleep (no temp and not unwell) I obvs rush to get her when she is unwell but AIBU that I pay £1500 a month but have to keep getting her and having her off so they can be careful just incase? Especially when I've just started a new job and she is totally well. I love her nursery and they are great but it's really stressed me out as my partner will take tomorrow off to look after her but will lose out on a £400 job..

OP posts:
Original poster
ranty · 19/04/2023 19:44

@StupidCupidKeepsOnCallinMe this! Unfortunately I was made redundant from my last job, I scored the lowest due to 'not taking on new tasks very well' due to so much time off with DD. Whilst employers do understand and I know toddlers often get sick, it's really hard when I need to work and I'm having days off with my daughter who is in fact very well..

OP posts:
Original poster
ranty · 19/04/2023 19:45

@PollyPeptide she had some pimples on her chin, she's been dribbling from teething and they are now gone and she's done one very solid stool today!

OP posts:
GoodChat · 19/04/2023 19:46

ranty · 19/04/2023 19:45

@PollyPeptide she had some pimples on her chin, she's been dribbling from teething and they are now gone and she's done one very solid stool today!

The loose stools will be from the drool from teething too then!

Original poster
ranty · 19/04/2023 19:51

@GoodChat I didn't even think of that, I just assumed it's because she had some chocolate from Easter over the weekend! She doesn't usually have much chocolate so just thought it may have changed her stools

OP posts:
StupidCupidKeepsOnCallinMe · 19/04/2023 19:52

Yes teething can cause loose stools

StupidCupidKeepsOnCallinMe · 19/04/2023 19:53

Yes teething can cause loose stools

Original poster
ranty · 19/04/2023 19:53

@StupidCupidKeepsOnCallinMe it seems like she's been sent home for two days then due to teething!

OP posts:
StupidCupidKeepsOnCallinMe · 19/04/2023 19:55

What a pain. I'd speak to nursery and tell them she's teething and you've just started your new job so to only call you if they think it's really necessary. Good luck

PollyPeptide · 19/04/2023 20:12

ranty · 19/04/2023 19:45

@PollyPeptide she had some pimples on her chin, she's been dribbling from teething and they are now gone and she's done one very solid stool today!

Then I'd think their reaction was ridiculous, suspicious and downright unreasonable. I think you're totally in the right not to be happy about it.

Invisimamma · 19/04/2023 20:14

I completely understand why you are frustrated. It's just how life is with small children. Mine are past nursery age now but I've had DS sent home from school for a wasp sting, a 'wobbly tooth that's bothering him' and 'looking pale' 🙄.

Trying to juggle work and children is so difficult, and it seems to fall more to mums. I'm the higher earner but my dp works shifts in a hospital so it's usually easier for me to rearrange things than him.

gemloving · 19/04/2023 20:17

Unfortunately that's working life with kids and I am always grateful that my husband and I share the burden. If one of them is sick, we then both work from home and make it work. I usually start work really early at around 6am, he manages the kids until he starts around 09:30, if I have calls, they have to watch TV or husband takes over if necessary. Always on mute, trying to not get involved in the calls too much.

It's just policy, 3 loose stools and they're excluded for 48h.

You have to get used to it but pull your DH up to pull his weight. How can you earn £400 a month? Surely you only work very limited hours?

PollyPeptide · 19/04/2023 20:22

gemloving · 19/04/2023 20:17

Unfortunately that's working life with kids and I am always grateful that my husband and I share the burden. If one of them is sick, we then both work from home and make it work. I usually start work really early at around 6am, he manages the kids until he starts around 09:30, if I have calls, they have to watch TV or husband takes over if necessary. Always on mute, trying to not get involved in the calls too much.

It's just policy, 3 loose stools and they're excluded for 48h.

You have to get used to it but pull your DH up to pull his weight. How can you earn £400 a month? Surely you only work very limited hours?

Her husbands taking tomorrow off to look after their child. How is that not pulling his weight?

What business is it of yours how much she gets paid?

Original poster
ranty · 19/04/2023 20:28

@gemloving he doesn't earn £400 a month, it's just one job tomorrow that was going to earn him a decent amount on top of what he usually earns. He is taking the day off tomorrow to take care of DD. I totally understand the policy and I appreciate that they are cautious but I'm not 100% sure they were 'loose' stools? I feel they had been planting seeds from the start of the week to have her sent home.

OP posts:
Wexone · 19/04/2023 20:37

Did they know you were working from home hy any chance ? how far is your office from your childcare ?

Original poster
ranty · 19/04/2023 20:56

@Wexone I'm not sure as I've not said anything but my partner likes a good chat about anything so it wouldn't surprise me if he said something!

OP posts:
Wexone · 19/04/2023 20:58

@ranty would be keeping that to myslef from now on and make sure your partner keeps it quiet too. sometimes you won't be able to collect her for an hour if you can

gemloving · 19/04/2023 21:03

@ranty I completely misunderstood the pay situation, I thought you're earning £400 a month hence why I thought you might wave working maybe 1-2 days a week max. I also probably just didn't even read the whole story about DH taking the day off. I'm sorry.

It's a shit situation, I'm sorry. It's easier when family can help but we don't have that luxury either unfortunately.

L1ttledrummergirl · 19/04/2023 21:07

If you are watching training videos, do them in the evenings/weekend. As long as you watch them, does it matter when?

Sissynova · 19/04/2023 21:09

She had chicken pox! I’m surprised they even took her back the second day so yea YABU. They sound a like a very lax nursery.

Original poster
ranty · 19/04/2023 21:09

@L1ttledrummergirl yes it does really as my work pay me to work in the day, not look after my child in the day. I only started last week and they are expecting me to do my training everyday this week.

OP posts:
Original poster
ranty · 19/04/2023 21:11

@Sissynova she doesn't have chicken pox, she had some chin pimples from teething and they originally thought maybe it was the start of chicken pox. It's been three days now since they suspected it and still no chicken pox.

OP posts:
Skybluepinky · 19/04/2023 21:15

You are over reacting, yr child is ill so got sent home, just fit in yr videos when u can.

ChristineCricket · 19/04/2023 21:24

Issue one is whether nursery should’ve sent her home. Unfortunately for you they will have policies that mean occasionally they will be sent home when not actually ill. If she did have loose stools that could’ve been a dv bug. You may be grateful down the line that they enforce the 48 hour rule.
Second issue is your inflexible attitude to working hours. Most parents on here went through lockdown where they had to parent, home school and work. We made it work with early starts, working late into the evening etc
I think if you are ambitious and want to progress in your chosen career you will need to stop seeing work as only 9-5 and fit your hours into the time you actually have.

MathsNervous · 19/04/2023 21:25

Invisimamma · 19/04/2023 20:14

I completely understand why you are frustrated. It's just how life is with small children. Mine are past nursery age now but I've had DS sent home from school for a wasp sting, a 'wobbly tooth that's bothering him' and 'looking pale' 🙄.

Trying to juggle work and children is so difficult, and it seems to fall more to mums. I'm the higher earner but my dp works shifts in a hospital so it's usually easier for me to rearrange things than him.

I have had to collect one of my DC for "looking pale" as well. Couldn't believe it.

Stillcountingbeans · 19/04/2023 21:25

I would be tempted, when they next ring you to come and get her, to say "Ok, I will get there as soon as I can." without giving an actual time.
When they ring again, say "yes, I will come as soon as possible". If they push for a time, say "well it depends, I'll get away as soon as I can, I don't know exactly, but it will be asap".

And so on, until the time you would normally collect her.