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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boys are harder than girls?!

61 replies

blipblopblip · 19/04/2023 18:10

Parent to a toddler girl, she's very sweet but very active. Walked early, constantly busy , runs and climbs , shouts just as much or maybe more than a lot of her peers. She's a hardy little thing considering she is quite petite and like most mums of toddlers I feel like I'm constantly stopping her from doing dangerous things / climbing too high jumping off etc. being a mum of a toddler is not the easiest thing- why on earth do I keep being told by friends and strangers that boys are harder. Often whilst their boy child is actually sat still whilst my toddler is attempting some death defying stunt. Am I missing something? And why on earth would you tell another mum that their child is easier based on wether or not they have a penis?!

OP posts:
SquidwardBound · 20/04/2023 15:23

People love to attribute this stuff to sex/gender. But if you have multiple
children, it’s just obvious that they’re all different.

Goldbar · 20/04/2023 15:27

DryIce · 19/04/2023 20:20

I have a wild, whirlwind boy and a calm, colouring type boy. I think it's random, but people notice and comment more if your child's behaviour conforms to stereotypes, which only reinforces them.

Did you ever see that BBC documentary a few years ago? Girls and boys toys or something, they dressed tiny children as the opposite sex and childcare workers (who all said they treated kids the same etc etc) invariably gave dolls/pink/fluffy to the "girls" and cars/construction/etc to the "boys".

I found it fascinating, and it does seem true to me - so ultimately I think personalities are mixed between sexes, and a lot of the differences that do become apparent we create ourselves!

I have seen this too.

If there is a difference between boys and girls (and many early years educators do note one), we might like to reflect on how far it is societally constructed.

For instance, researchers have found that carers for baby girls talk to them more and have more interactions than carers for baby boys. However, baby and toddler boys are often encouraged to take physical risks that baby girls are prevented from taking.

If we adapt our parenting depending on gender (and while we might claim that we don't, very few of us actually parent in a "gender-blind" way), it's unsurprising that boys and girls develop differently in many cases.

TanukiMario · 20/04/2023 15:37

It really depends on the child, because of course there are active girls and quiet boys.

However, in my experience an active girl is still miles calmer than an active boy. My DD is exactly like yours. Always active and fast and constantly had to be stopped doing dangerous things. But i found her pretty relaxing compared to her older brother. He was active on a whole other level.

pickledandpuzzled · 20/04/2023 15:50

I had a young relative that was very 'active' wild, couldn't walk downstairs, always jumped from increasingly high steps. Stuck out like a sore thumb among her sisters.

Then her little brother arrived and he made her look tame.

bakewellbride · 20/04/2023 19:07

It's just down to personality. My son is in reception and has always been an absolute angel. Dd is only 1 but I can already tell we have more challenging times ahead 😬😁

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 20/04/2023 21:17

I have one of each, dm has 2 of each.
Hey advice to me "boys mess up your house; girls mess up your mind".

underneaththeash · 20/04/2023 21:37

I have one girl and two boys, lots of friends of similar ages.
most of the girls were easier as toddlers/children and less easy as pre-teems/teens
boys were easier as teens more difficult as toddlers/younger kids.
babies varied.
those with ASD varied and ADHD too, but more sex based.

Gigglemous · 20/04/2023 21:42

All kids are twats.
I dont think my DD would be easier or harder if she were a boy.

itsmylife7 · 20/04/2023 21:49

My dil is still shocked her 5 year old is so noisy, loves jumping on beds and settee,runs around ....but I though girls were quite and liked reading and colouring in......oh how I 😂

mondaytosunday · 20/04/2023 21:56

I have one of each and two stepsons. My son was way more energetic and into everything and also an early riser. He's now 19 and yep can't sit still is go go go. He was a lovely boy if challenging- always issues at school from being disorganised and late and gobby (rather than mischief). Post covid he is far more anxious and quite angry.
My daughter was tricky baby and very stubborn but we are much more alike and she is a dream teenager. Studious, talented and we have the same energy levels (she has MS and I'm in my 60s). Last year of school and is focussed and level headed.
I think generally speaking girls are easier but more secretive, boys more energetic and oppositional. But I've met the reverse too, so of course individuals can be whatever.

Squamata · 20/04/2023 22:15

It's bollocks but with a grain of truth. Boys tend to have more run around type energy. Girls develop language and motor skills earlier so they're happier with colouring, playing with dolls etc.

I've got one of each, and I've hung out at my son's nursery a fair bit. The boys charge around and the girls do dress up and make believe games.

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