To ask DH not to text his friends while we’re on a date night?

[Blueymum]

Would I be wrong to ask my dh not to message his friends while we’re on a date night?
We recently had an overnight and Dh was messaging his friends while he was on toilet breaks (or I was) then got really funny with me when I told him it was meant to be time for us to spend together when he pulled out his phone to reply to a message while we were in bed. His phone usage has a always been a sore point because he got really addicted to a game at one point and it became more important to do tasks on that while we were out. Fully aware that I am probably being totally over sensitive on this one!

I’m with you. I feel this way about spending face to face time with anyone. When you are in the toilet it’s slightly different but if we are hanging out together we should do each other the courtesy of being totally present for each other - otherwise what’s the point? I want to spend time with people who want to spend time with me.

It sounds controlling to me. If my DH said he didn't want me to reply to a friend I would tell him to get fucked. But he would never say that to me, nor me to him because we don't try to control what each other does.

Well it depends. One or two quick messages over the course of the evening, not a problem. Getting into chats, waiting for others to reply and starting again or checking phone every 5 mins - too much.

Are you sure it's a friend he's texting while locked in the loo? If you are, then yes it's bloody rude and inconsiderate.

I’m pretty sure it’s just his friends he’s messaging. I’m not talking about friends he talks to like every so often that you get a message from, these friends are ones he talks to EVERY single day. They message each other more than me and my friends 😂

I feel you OP. My DH is part of a work WhatsApp group. They see each other EVERY DAY at work yet the texting is constant. There’s about 8-10 in the group so the traffic is heavy. It does annoy me at times, and I have asked him to stop texting sometimes when we’ve been out, especially if it’s meant to be a nice occasion. I also feel that, since it’s a work group and so sometimes work-related questions or complaints get posted there, he’s never able to switch off fully from work, even when on holiday etc.

Might the trouble really be that you are really asking for is for him to treat your company to be more interesting than the chat with his friends.

It's not easy to be in the position where you have to ask for that. Really, you want to have all his attention.

If he's only doing it while you're not there, ie you've gone to the toilet, what's the issue?

If you have to tell him he’s supposed to be having a nice time with you then you have other issues

replying to the odd message is fine. him spending most of his headspace on a back and forth group chat with his pals would bother me.

As soon as he pulls his phone out you should pull yours out and start texting your friends or looking at whatever interests you online.

I don't see the problem if it's while you aren't together (loo breaks) unless he is spending 30 minutes in the toilet!

As someone who got addicted to a game on my phone that was kind of 'real time' where you did tasks with other people and in teams etc who's (now ex) partner hated it I am wondering if he is still playing it in toilet breaks as that is what I did because my partner would get so angry with me. I'm very ashamed to admit but I was completely addicted to the life there and I put the people I played with above real life friends and family.

I don't see the issue here either. You're not really spending time together while one of you is having a poo.

With you Op, it 's rude... Different if it's a normal night at home, but a few hours of focus on a date night isn't too much to ask for!

I get that maybe if you are in bed together it's not ideal but I don't get the issue with him doing what he likes on his phone while you aren't there. Would you rather he sit outside the bathroom door waiting for you do finish your poo?