quick vote please...

[sunnyweatherpleasee]

DH has 60th birthday family/friends etc party booked.
One of DD's best friends has 18th birthday party same evening.

DD has said she can't go to friends party, but now I'm feeling guilty.

Which party would you say she attends?
ps - friends party is a few months after her bday due to A levels. So it's not like we knew when her party would be, and it's the only night they can find a suitable hall apparently. They didn't know when DH birthday is, so it is an unfortunate coincidence they've both been booked for the same night.

Because presumably, OP is aware that her DD is likely to have said this out of guilt, will end up with FOMO when everyone is talking about the 18th party before and after, and would probably be really grateful if her parents actually said “don’t be daft, Dad will have all his friends here to have a blast with and you don’t really want to be hanging around us boring old lot - go out and celebrate your friend’s 18th!”

It’s not as though 60 is a particular milestone. It’s not 18 where in the eyes of the law you’ve become an adult. It’s not 30 where you might finally feel like a you’ve muddled through your twenties learning how to adult and are now “a proper grown up.” You aren’t celebrating finally being old enough to (officially) retire like 65 would be; you aren’t celebrating proper longevity that not many people are fortunate enough to see like 90 or 100.

Frankly I’d think a bit less of a middle aged man who would want his daughter to miss a friend’s 18th to come to a family gathering for his own birthday.

Thanks all, I've just got home from work, but have had a few sneaky check ins throughout the day.
I'll have a chat with DD.
Unfortunately the parties are too far apart (friend moved house, but the girls are still really close) to do both.

Apologies I forgot to set up the voting. 🙄

I'd ask them both what they want. Does your dh really want/need her there, like, would he be devastated that she wasn't, would your dd prefer to go to friends party.

Having older kids we've come up against this many times and we let everyone decide what they want, myself and dh know older teens would prefer to be with their friends, so we usually organise a nice lunch or dinner out if it's our birthday etc on a separate day to include all the kids. Sometimes the kids pick the family party, depends who's going cousin wise and if half are nearly 90.

Ime I think it's REALLY important to maintain a friendship/s, we're currently experiencing an absolutely awful situation where one of ours who never really got into friendships is suffering dreadfully mentally. Friends are so important.

Entirely up to her but I'd think the 18th - not because it's an 18th but because it's a pist A Level blast off. Is OHs birthday actually on that day. If not family meal out on the Weds evening, card, prezzie, hugs Saturday day time

Let her go to her friend's party. Or bit of both.

Sorry just read , she can't do both.