Page 2 | To have a one night stand?

Colourmylifewith · 2023-04-19T10:53:56+00:00

I’ve not long been out of a long term relationship and am quite happily single. However my sex drive seems to have increased and I’m considering a one night stand, I’m not looking for a relationship, just sex tbh. I’m surprised at myself for this as I’ve always preferred sex in relationships in the past. It’s worth mentioning I’m in my 40s with kids. AIBU? Where to start with it all…..

Original poster

Colourmylifewith · 19/04/2023 12:32

Frannyhy · 19/04/2023 12:30

Why not cut through the bullshit and use an escort agency?

Not keen on paying for it tbh!!

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Original poster

Colourmylifewith · 19/04/2023 12:33

user1471434829 · 19/04/2023 12:24

I'm totally happy to have ONSs and I've had plenty, but I couldn't schedule sex with someone I'd never met! I would get on some apps, go on some dates and see how you feel. If it's going well suggest they go back to yours (if your kids are someone else obviously) for another drink.

You are probably right, not sure how realistic I’m being, possibly at least one date first is the way to go….

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Kickingupmerrybehaviour · 19/04/2023 12:42

I would be concerned about personal safety. Being alone with a stranger you’re making yourself very vulnerable.
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/us-news/woman-lured-tinder-date-chopped-25607265.amp. Not to mention risk of STIs etc
Personally I don’t think it’s worth the risk and irresponsible if you’ve got kids.

Woman lured on Tinder date chopped into 14 pieces by twisted sex cult killers

Victim Sydney Loofe, who lived in lived in Lincoln, Nebraska, USA, was chopped into 14 pieces by twisted sex cult killers Aubrey Trail and Bailey Boswell after a Tinder date

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/us-news/woman-lured-tinder-date-chopped-25607265.amp

PottyMouthkaka · 19/04/2023 12:51

The thing is depending on what you catch it could be the gift that keeps giving and affecting the rest of your dating life and I would never bring a stranger to my family home. Guys can put a facade on a date or two, I wouldn't want them having my home address.. you never know how crazy they are.

The same way op wants to tell him what she wants and just wants to get off, the guy will also be coming with expectations and wanting to do certain things he likes which he might hold off doing with a woman he sees long term with. He will be 'unleashing' too and you don't know what sort of kinks or perversions he has in mind. What was that policeman where women trusted him for ONS because of his job but he ended up locking her in a cupboard?

You might also end up sleeping with married men, are you ok with it?

I think the fantasy of a successful, sexy and satisfying ONS is not like what happens on reality land. Men want free sex with women and can post on this forum so have a vested interest in allaying any fears and dismissing them as paranoia and prudishness. The reality is women are far more vulnerable and should be selective and discerning who they have sex with not because I'm a misogynist who doesn't want them to have fun but because there are too many sad stories of how it ends up badly for women.

Even if he isn't dangerous, if a man is so fantastic in bed he'd have a queue of FWBs and wouldn't be on the prowl for a ONS because the women will want seconds and thirds with him. The guys that end up looking for casual sex online are red flags because they don't have the appeal or confidence to find it offline.

I recommend Womaniser on Love honey.

Kickingupmerrybehaviour · 19/04/2023 12:58

@PottyMouthkaka making excellent points

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 19/04/2023 13:01

If you just want sex with a bit of chat, but no hassle of dating then consider a swingers club.

Sounds daft I know - but they’re social, there’s people around so safer than meeting randoms solo, no-one judges, and most are a cheap night out for women.

Original poster

Colourmylifewith · 19/04/2023 13:03

PottyMouthkaka · 19/04/2023 12:51

The thing is depending on what you catch it could be the gift that keeps giving and affecting the rest of your dating life and I would never bring a stranger to my family home. Guys can put a facade on a date or two, I wouldn't want them having my home address.. you never know how crazy they are.

The same way op wants to tell him what she wants and just wants to get off, the guy will also be coming with expectations and wanting to do certain things he likes which he might hold off doing with a woman he sees long term with. He will be 'unleashing' too and you don't know what sort of kinks or perversions he has in mind. What was that policeman where women trusted him for ONS because of his job but he ended up locking her in a cupboard?

You might also end up sleeping with married men, are you ok with it?

I think the fantasy of a successful, sexy and satisfying ONS is not like what happens on reality land. Men want free sex with women and can post on this forum so have a vested interest in allaying any fears and dismissing them as paranoia and prudishness. The reality is women are far more vulnerable and should be selective and discerning who they have sex with not because I'm a misogynist who doesn't want them to have fun but because there are too many sad stories of how it ends up badly for women.

Even if he isn't dangerous, if a man is so fantastic in bed he'd have a queue of FWBs and wouldn't be on the prowl for a ONS because the women will want seconds and thirds with him. The guys that end up looking for casual sex online are red flags because they don't have the appeal or confidence to find it offline.

I recommend Womaniser on Love honey.

So there is no safe way to go about it, in your opinion?

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Thoughtful2355 · 19/04/2023 13:06

Id go to a swingers club. its safe and everyone is STD checked if using a proper one. also no awkward encounters

Endofmytetherfinally · 19/04/2023 13:12

Some of these posts are completely over the top, yes of course safety first but wanting to habe a ONS with someone she meets on an app doesnt mean she needs to worry being chopped into pieces, its a pretty pretty extreme thing to link to.

Go with your gut, any discomfort and don't invite them home (I'd avoid doing that anyway if you don't want to see them again so they don't know where you live, if you don't want to go to theirs then suggest a hotel). Few men are up for being approached in a bar or pub unless they actively signal they're single and you need quite a thick skin for that anyway.

It's definitely easier via apps. Also not your concern if they're married or not, obviously don't target those who are but if they fail to tell you then you can't be held responsible.

Blossomtoes · 19/04/2023 13:17

Endofmytetherfinally · 19/04/2023 13:12

Some of these posts are completely over the top, yes of course safety first but wanting to habe a ONS with someone she meets on an app doesnt mean she needs to worry being chopped into pieces, its a pretty pretty extreme thing to link to.

Go with your gut, any discomfort and don't invite them home (I'd avoid doing that anyway if you don't want to see them again so they don't know where you live, if you don't want to go to theirs then suggest a hotel). Few men are up for being approached in a bar or pub unless they actively signal they're single and you need quite a thick skin for that anyway.

It's definitely easier via apps. Also not your concern if they're married or not, obviously don't target those who are but if they fail to tell you then you can't be held responsible.

Excellent advice. Particularly going to a hotel.

Original poster

Colourmylifewith · 19/04/2023 13:18

Colourmylifewith · 19/04/2023 13:03

So there is no safe way to go about it, in your opinion?

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Of course I don’t want to sleep with a married man, food for thought I suppose

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Original poster

Colourmylifewith · 19/04/2023 13:20

Endofmytetherfinally · 19/04/2023 13:12

Some of these posts are completely over the top, yes of course safety first but wanting to habe a ONS with someone she meets on an app doesnt mean she needs to worry being chopped into pieces, its a pretty pretty extreme thing to link to.

Go with your gut, any discomfort and don't invite them home (I'd avoid doing that anyway if you don't want to see them again so they don't know where you live, if you don't want to go to theirs then suggest a hotel). Few men are up for being approached in a bar or pub unless they actively signal they're single and you need quite a thick skin for that anyway.

It's definitely easier via apps. Also not your concern if they're married or not, obviously don't target those who are but if they fail to tell you then you can't be held responsible.

Thank you! A hotel could be a good idea, I don’t want to be reckless but also quite keen to try it!!

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Endofmytetherfinally · 19/04/2023 13:25

Also I don't buy the men who are good in bed already have FWB. I've met several men who are good in bed who are having casual sex on apps, I think that's partly why they're good. Varied experience from different women.

signalsnap · 19/04/2023 13:42

was thinking about a dating app… I’m a bit dubious about putting my picture on though and someone I know seeing it… stupid to be embarrassed at my age but I would be!

Pay for premium access. That way the only people who see you are the ones you swipe on.

Truestorypeeps · 19/04/2023 13:51

Colourmylifewith · 19/04/2023 12:13

See this is how I’ve always felt in the past, don’t know what’s changed, maybe I’m emotionally numb in my old age, not craving a connection other than physical!

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No problem with that either :-) nothing ventured, nothing gained. I suppose there's a thrill in a one night stand.. and you can always repeat it if you both had a good time. As long as you aren't hurting anyone with your actions, which you wouldn't be, then go for it, enjoy your new found freedom. All the best.

Damnloginpopup · 19/04/2023 14:03

Jesus Christ. Mumsnet at it's best.

Either get a fun shag like almost the entire world, yay, or go and get infected with Wuhan 2.0 before being chopped into mince by a sex cult of married men who are rubbish in bed.

How dare you imagine a world beyond Barbara Cartland and a five minute finger.

Original poster

Colourmylifewith · 19/04/2023 14:06

Damnloginpopup · 19/04/2023 14:03

Jesus Christ. Mumsnet at it's best.

Either get a fun shag like almost the entire world, yay, or go and get infected with Wuhan 2.0 before being chopped into mince by a sex cult of married men who are rubbish in bed.

How dare you imagine a world beyond Barbara Cartland and a five minute finger.

😂😂😂 there is no in between apparently!

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Original poster

Colourmylifewith · 19/04/2023 14:07

Truestorypeeps · 19/04/2023 13:51

No problem with that either :-) nothing ventured, nothing gained. I suppose there's a thrill in a one night stand.. and you can always repeat it if you both had a good time. As long as you aren't hurting anyone with your actions, which you wouldn't be, then go for it, enjoy your new found freedom. All the best.

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I like your thinking ☺️ thank you, I might even update the thread after the event!

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girlfriend44 · 19/04/2023 14:12

meet someone in real life. Most Men like Sex.

Rapapampam · 19/04/2023 14:14

A one night stand will not cure your horn 😄so what’s your plan after doing the deed with a random bloke?

Original poster

Colourmylifewith · 19/04/2023 14:16

Rapapampam · 19/04/2023 14:14

A one night stand will not cure your horn 😄so what’s your plan after doing the deed with a random bloke?

Find another? 😅😂

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SteadyGrasshopper · 19/04/2023 14:18

@PottyMouthkaka you sound very fearful about something quite normal, it’s a little extreme.

OP I hope you get thoroughly and deliciously laid 😄

BuHao · 19/04/2023 15:07

I had one a couple of weeks ago and I’m a similar age. I went to an event where a musician that I knew was interested in me was playing. Ended up having pretty drunken sex. Felt a little disappointed as I couldn’t really remember it, so invited him back a couple of days later for an hour or so. It was fun.

EBearhug · 20/04/2023 16:05

I'm 50. I've had quite a few in the last year. The last one is currently downstairs working, as he has turned into a few months stand.

I went through OLD. There are loads of terrible profiles (how difficult is it to take a decent photo to upload in these days of mobile phones?) If they can't be arsed to put a vaguely decent photo and a couple of lines intro, they're filtering themselves out, and it's a busy marketplace for them. A decent photo of their face also cuts out quite a few of the married ones. You will still get ones who talk about sex a couple of sentences into a chat, but that didn't bother me too much for a ONS; it does bother others, so decide for yourself.

It can get tedious scrolling through crap profile after crap profile, so you have to see it as entertainment and share the worst ones with your friends to laugh at too.

I said I wasn't sure what I was looking for, which many of them interpret as wanting a ONS anyway. (But I genuinely wasn't sure.)

I don't think it matters which site you use - you get a similar mix on all, and exactly the same on some. You will get the married ones, the ones who claim to be in open relationships, the ones who want to try out a new kink and stuff, but there are some decent guys out there in between all the rubbish ones.

It's good to meet for a coffee first - enough time to decide if you want more, but not too long if they turn out to be a weird creep or have bad breath or you just don't have any chemistry.

Hotels are a good idea, particularly with children.

I had an STI test before starting and then tested regularly. IME, men will not mention contraception or testing at all, unless you do, and if they're not insisting on condoms with me, then they're probably not insisting on them with anyone rise, either. Some will claim they can't possibly have sex with a condom, which is fine, they have chosen to get no sex. I have a selection of vibrators. They only get to have sex if it's going to enhance my life.

You may well be ghosted by some. This isn't really a problem with ONSs. Or at least, I went a few weeks before realising I hadn't heard from M or R or whoever, so it was mostly mutual. Some came back more than once. Some wanted to come back, but no thanks.

Swinging is an option - single women are usually very welcome, and no one's ever refused to wear a condom, plus no definitely means no. And if you're in a club there are people around if anything goes wrong (never has IME, but I can't speak for others.) It doesn't suit everyone, though, so don't look into it unless you're interested.
ONSs can be great fun or mediocre, but they've mostly been fun, IME. There are risks, but it's up to you to decide where your boundaries are and what level of risk you will take. I probably take more risks than some would, but I don't have children to consider. One reason the current one is lasting is because when I was coming to his house, he had no concerns about me sharing his address with friends, nor with me checking in with them a couple of times during our time together. If someone wouldn't let me share the address of where we're meeting, that would be a concern. Have fun, be safe.

Original poster

Colourmylifewith · 20/04/2023 16:54

EBearhug · 20/04/2023 16:05

I'm 50. I've had quite a few in the last year. The last one is currently downstairs working, as he has turned into a few months stand.

I went through OLD. There are loads of terrible profiles (how difficult is it to take a decent photo to upload in these days of mobile phones?) If they can't be arsed to put a vaguely decent photo and a couple of lines intro, they're filtering themselves out, and it's a busy marketplace for them. A decent photo of their face also cuts out quite a few of the married ones. You will still get ones who talk about sex a couple of sentences into a chat, but that didn't bother me too much for a ONS; it does bother others, so decide for yourself.

It can get tedious scrolling through crap profile after crap profile, so you have to see it as entertainment and share the worst ones with your friends to laugh at too.

I said I wasn't sure what I was looking for, which many of them interpret as wanting a ONS anyway. (But I genuinely wasn't sure.)

I don't think it matters which site you use - you get a similar mix on all, and exactly the same on some. You will get the married ones, the ones who claim to be in open relationships, the ones who want to try out a new kink and stuff, but there are some decent guys out there in between all the rubbish ones.

It's good to meet for a coffee first - enough time to decide if you want more, but not too long if they turn out to be a weird creep or have bad breath or you just don't have any chemistry.

Hotels are a good idea, particularly with children.

I had an STI test before starting and then tested regularly. IME, men will not mention contraception or testing at all, unless you do, and if they're not insisting on condoms with me, then they're probably not insisting on them with anyone rise, either. Some will claim they can't possibly have sex with a condom, which is fine, they have chosen to get no sex. I have a selection of vibrators. They only get to have sex if it's going to enhance my life.

You may well be ghosted by some. This isn't really a problem with ONSs. Or at least, I went a few weeks before realising I hadn't heard from M or R or whoever, so it was mostly mutual. Some came back more than once. Some wanted to come back, but no thanks.

Swinging is an option - single women are usually very welcome, and no one's ever refused to wear a condom, plus no definitely means no. And if you're in a club there are people around if anything goes wrong (never has IME, but I can't speak for others.) It doesn't suit everyone, though, so don't look into it unless you're interested.
ONSs can be great fun or mediocre, but they've mostly been fun, IME. There are risks, but it's up to you to decide where your boundaries are and what level of risk you will take. I probably take more risks than some would, but I don't have children to consider. One reason the current one is lasting is because when I was coming to his house, he had no concerns about me sharing his address with friends, nor with me checking in with them a couple of times during our time together. If someone wouldn't let me share the address of where we're meeting, that would be a concern. Have fun, be safe.

Thank you for this detailed response, all good points and worth baring in mind, I think the key will be to have a thickish skin and like you say, use it as a bit of entertainment on an evening!
your current one sounds ideal!
do you have an age range you have ‘most’ luck with?

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