To feel uneasy about comment from the Marie Stopes nurse?

[BoopBoopBeDoop]

NC’d for this, but want to preface by saying that I am passionately pro-choice and this is not in any way intended to kick off any kind of abortion rights debate.

Had a call with a Marie Stopes nurse this morning as a pre-cursor to a medical termination, which I’m having for reasons I’ll not go into. All pretty standard stuff, mostly going through my medical history and some safeguarding questions. However towards the end of the conversation when she was talking me through the whole process, she said “having an abortion is safer than continuing the pregnancy”.

Now I know that technically that’s just a fact, because pregnancy and childbirth is actually a pretty dangerous thing to go through, but even so I found it jarring… like, why say that? To put me off continuing the pregnancy in case I was about to change my mind? How is that a helpful detail to include in that particular conversation?

I don’t know, maybe I’m just seeing subtext where there is none but it made me uncomfortable for reasons I can’t quite put my finger on. AIBU?

It’s hard to know without hearing her intonation and the rest of the conversation but I wouldn’t put too much thought into it. It’s a highly emotive time (sending you well wishes) having a ToP for any reason and I suspect it was meant as reassurance rather than trying to convince you to have the procedure.

It completely depends on the wider context of the conversation, but if relevant to the general discussion then she wasn't wrong to say it. As PP has already pointed out, it's an emotive time and you're perhaps reading too much into it. It's not like the nurse has a vested interest in whether or not you proceed with the termination, she's not on commission. She's just there to make sure you understand the choice you're making and that it's the right one for you.

maybe she was just trying to reassure you. In case you were afraid?

pregnancy isn't particularly dangerous, but what you are doing is even safer

I really really doubt that she was trying to put you off continuing the pregnancy. That isn’t their agenda.

YABU.

Surely she was just trying to be reassuring?

I think some people may worry about the risks of abortion so she was just trying to reassure you it is the safest course of action?

I think you are reading more into it than was there. Talking about risks of a medical procedure before you do it is standard.

I would see it as reassuring you about the risks of a medical procedure in relevant context.

As there is so much misinformation out there about the medical risks of abortion, I think that it's actually a really important piece of medical information that women should be aware of.

i don’t see the issue. It’s true, continuing a pregnancy and giving birth is significantly more dangerous than an abortion. I’m not sure why that shouldn’t be acknowledged, especially when there’s an anti abortion narrative, designed to scare women, that an abortion is hugely dangerous. It isn’t, and in fact taking the medical abortion pill poses less risks than taking a Tylenol for a headache.

It’s a long time ago now (before medical TOP was an option!) but I once had a Marie Stopes consultation booked and between making the appointment and the appointment itself I had pretty much changed my mind.

But my mum had travelled up to London to accompany me and my best friend had helped me pay for the appointment so I thought I better go along anyway and talk it through with staff, rather than mess everyone around.

The staff were absolutely fine when I told them I had decided not to go ahead with booking in for the procedure and they still gave me a scan, but it was purely for my own info rather than as part of preparing for surgery (the scan was already booked and paid for so may as well make use of if!)

So, with that experience in mind, I doubt your staff member meant anything except simple reassurance of the safety of the process? If they do have targets (seems unlikely!) they certainly didn’t pressure me either way.

As PPs have said TOP can be an emotive experience and I’m sending you reassuring arm pats (not hugs!)
You know what is the right course of action for you so don’t worry about a staff member’s comment that landed a bit clumsily

Sounds like you're looking for a quarrel. She's got no skin in the game.
It's an emotional time but try to be rational.

I think she said it to reassure you that termination is a relatively safe procedure. Only that.

Abortion is only legal in this country on the grounds that to continue the pregnancy would be worse for the (physical or mental) health of the mother than the termination.

I think she was just trying to be reassuring in the context of the conversation. It can be an emotional time so take care of yourself OP.

Probably she was just trying to reassure you that the risk to you is low. Like ‘I know we’re in a plane right now, but it’s safer than driving’

You said so yourself it’s a fact. Would you have given the sentence a second thought if you’d heard it in passing or in context with someone else circumstances?

she probably has a legal obligation to state facts like this to give you all sides of the argument.

Well it depends on why you're ending the pregnancy, doesn't it? If you're having an abortion for medical reasons she's stating a fact. It's hard to know unless you go into more detail.

I’m sorry to hear you’re going through a difficult time. Maybe the nurse has found that some
patients still have visions of the terrible aftermath of illicit back street abortions or something or that they are very frightened of the procedure. Of course you will be having a properly controlled and monitored ToP which is light years away from the old days but I can imagine some women’s minds run away with
them! I hope it goes OK.

Could have meant it in the context of the medical conditions that prompted your decision? Hope you're ok, I agree it sounds like a throwaway reassuring comment, not trying to make you fear pregnancy in general.

I think she was offering you reassurance.

I would assume this was said as part of a discussion about the risks of the procedure ie morbidity and mortality rates are lower with medical abortions than with carrying a pregnancy to term and delivering a baby

Strangely enough, this isn't a piece of medical information that they think necessary to pass on to you if you are continuing with the pregnancy 😂 I can understand why you were a bit phased. I'm guessing, like most women, there's a likelihood that will continue with a future pregnancy - so that might not be the most helpful piece of information for the future.
However, as others have said, I doubt she meant 'Giving birth is really dangerous, don't ever do it!'. Just reassuring you that the procedure is safe.

I think she was just trying to be reassuring. I would call it inappropriate if it wasn't said in the context of a termination for medical reasons, but it sounds like this is the safest option given your circumstances and she was just reassuring you of that.

As PP says, it's a fact which is used as a legal justification for allowing termination of pregnancy.