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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Un-interative grandparents

32 replies

Pinkgrass · 19/04/2023 08:19

Just need to rant and see if anyone is in a similar position.
My parents constantly bang on about their love for their grandchildren (age 1 and 4) constantly talk about how they can't wait to see them next and how much they miss them etc.
We see them probably once every 2 weeks and alternative between mine and their house. The problem is they just want to sit on the sofa drinking tea/coffee while seeing the kids from a distance. They never want to take them to the park or play games with them or be interactive. It annoys me so much, miss them so much but don't do anything with them just watch them and take a couple of.photos to post on Facebook to look like the most doting grandparents in the world!! For context they are in their 60s and in good health.

OP posts:
usererror99 · 19/04/2023 08:21

I think to that age group that is their idea of parenting / interaction etc - do you remember them playing with you as a child?

quiteathome · 19/04/2023 08:23

At least they actually see them.

Compared to my family yours are incredibly interactive.

But maybe you just need to force them into it. For example arrange to meet for a walk or something or walk to the park with them.

Treesar · 17/10/2023 17:17

Sometimes you need to learn how to play again

concernedalot · 17/10/2023 17:20

I think this generation seem to come from the 'children should be seen but not heard' tribe. Quite depressing really

Hellocatshome · 17/10/2023 17:22

At least they come to see them. Neither set of my kids grandparents have bothered to see them since last Christmas and that's only because we visited them.

Nanny0gg · 17/10/2023 17:24

Do they talk to them? Or just watch? Read? Cuddle?

Annoyingfly · 17/10/2023 17:48

usererror99 · 19/04/2023 08:21

I think to that age group that is their idea of parenting / interaction etc - do you remember them playing with you as a child?

Ageist tosh

Annoyingfly · 17/10/2023 17:49

concernedalot · 17/10/2023 17:20

I think this generation seem to come from the 'children should be seen but not heard' tribe. Quite depressing really

More ageist tosh.

Pennyforyourthoughts23 · 17/10/2023 17:56

At least they want the children around and care about them. Getting onto the floor and playing isn't everyone's cup of tea. I mean, my FIL refuses to even smile at my daughter when she is cooing up at him. He didn't care when she was admitted to the hospital. He won't hold her at all. I'd be over the moon if he even said that he loved her, this would be a delight.

cwirkee · 17/10/2023 18:01

My parents were very similar. Loved posting a pic on FB ... "day with the grandkids #favouritedays #makingmemories" Confused but that's all they wanted, to insinuate that they were fab grandies, keeping up with the Jones style. It was all for show.

CurlewKate · 17/10/2023 18:05

"I think this generation seem to come from the 'children should be seen but not heard' tribe. Quite depressing really"
Yeah- the 1960s was such a repressive time.....

CurlewKate · 17/10/2023 18:06

Incidentally- my mother was the best player with children I have ever, ever met. She'd be over 100 if she was alive today.

DisquietintheRanks · 17/10/2023 18:07

My grandmother never played with me, had very little direct communication with me (no language in common) and I only saw her every few years (because we lived in different countries).

She loved me. I loved her. So yes I think YABU.

itsmylife7 · 17/10/2023 18:11

🤣🤣🤣🤣 at all the ridiculous comments about Grandparents age. They are only in their 60s.

I do softplay, parks, trampoline, swimming, drawing with my GC and it's nothing to do with age. It's to do with the individual person.

hiredandsqueak · 17/10/2023 18:16

You might need to help them play. I'm a Granny and it felt a long time since I'd had little ones around when I became a Granny. I'd forgotten what they liked to do when they were small. Dd helped by bringing toys where it was obvious to me how I could join in dgs's play. He's four now and it's easy as he tells me and shows me his games and chooses what he brings with him. Perhaps you could set up some options for them when they come to yours such as a tea set and play food, dgs and I had lots of tea parties at one point or cars and a way to make a road and bridges we did lots of that as well. There is always Orchard Toys games as well for something for an easy ten minutes of play. Hopefully if you show them the way they will then feel more confident to expand on their interactions with your children.

greengreengrass25 · 17/10/2023 18:20

Perhaps,they like to see you as well

Throwingpots · 17/10/2023 18:37

Some of these comments made me laugh as an ancient 60something grandparent. Apparently I’m of the generation where children were seen and not heard. Oh and nanny would take the children up to the nursery after being brought to curtsy in front of the parents 😂
Some adults are good at playing with children, some not so much.

RaininSummer · 17/10/2023 18:39

Yep it's ageist tosh. Have you tried taking some toys or games for them to play with? You might find it's the age of the children and as they are more able to play cards and board games your parents may get more involved.

nutsnutspistachionuts · 17/10/2023 18:43

These people are the same age as Right Said Fred at the absolute oldest

MintJulia · 17/10/2023 18:45

concernedalot · 17/10/2023 17:20

I think this generation seem to come from the 'children should be seen but not heard' tribe. Quite depressing really

For goodness sake ! What a lot of ageist tripe.

I'm 60, my ds is 15. I cycle and practice martial arts with him, dance in the kitchen, play games, watch films together.

I also still work full time, park run etc.

PaprikaPlease · 17/10/2023 19:23

It’s a personality thing rather than an age thing. I found it interesting to see who was good with kids and who could instinctively relate to them on their level. Interestingly, I found that being good with kids was about 50/50 divided between men and women in our families despite most of the women claiming to be obsessed with babies and toddlers (perhaps just social pressure?)

My step mum is just incredible with babies and toddlers - she’ll get down on her knees and pull faces or talk about fairy houses for hours! She’s also very responsive to shifts in their moods and knows exactly what to say. It doesn’t matter if she doesn’t have any toys - she’ll find the curiousity and fun in anything. My (very young) brother in laws are similar.

I also have family members who are more like your parents. They like children a lot in theory! But when they’re around them tend to talk to other adults exclusively and expect the kids to quietly fit around everyone else. Like a well trained house cat! Maybe your parents will come into their own when the kids are older. I don’t feel this is a coachable situation personally. You’ve either got it or you don’t.

ghostyslovesheets · 17/10/2023 19:28

concernedalot · 17/10/2023 17:20

I think this generation seem to come from the 'children should be seen but not heard' tribe. Quite depressing really

Oh this ageist nonsense again - my mum is 77 had a terrible childhood and wasn't the most hands on mum but by God she is am amazing grandparent - very creative - playing games, going out for adventures (when they were younger) and still very involved in their lives - age has bugger all to do with it.

Maybe ask them to take them out once in a while or say 'oh fab you popped in I need to go to the shops for an hour - give you chance to play with them'?

underneaththeash · 17/10/2023 19:29

That’s my Mil. Tbh though she wasn’t much good with DH when he was a child.
I tried to get her to engage many times with the kids, to no avail.
so, they don’t have a great relationship with her and they do with my mum. Did really try too.

Gowlett · 17/10/2023 19:32

My mum & dad are the same. Grandkids love them, though!

TomatoSandwiches · 17/10/2023 19:32

Some people just don't like playing with babies, perhaps when they are both a bit older they will find it more interesting to spend time with them.
Doesn't mean they don't love them.

YABU.