Slightly depressing article in the times about dating over 50

[Beingnobody]

Cannot find the link anymore, however it was written by a woman aged around 52. She says she was beautiful until around 40 and then it just started to 'go downhill'. She pursued a guy around 10 years younger than her, so in his early 40s, and he turned her down, essentially telling her that he 'wasnt attracted to her in the same way'.
she instantly put this down to looking like her 50 year old self and seemed to believe that if she'd been 10 years younger he'd have found her attractive.
maybe, but that's on him. I found it a slightly sad read, she seems to assume that most men will not find her attractive now she's over 50 (obviously men of a similar age, not 20 year olds!)
is this really the case? I'm sure it's not true, this man probably would've given the same answer even if she'd been 10 years younger.

I haven't read it but from what you've said I agree. Some people just aren't attractive to others and that's okay, as is having age preferences. I wouldn't date someone 10 years older than me now and can't criticise others who feel the same.

There is of course merit and truth in the conversation around women aging. We have so much of our worth fixed on how we look by society and largely once women hit an arbitrary age that isn't even actually that old often in entertainment etc they're written off and this cascades down to us. Of course men aren't immune from this, but often 'silver fox' or getting better with age is by far and large assigned to them and not us. It's generally more common for men to date younger women than vice versa too.

Perhaps the real difference in dating over 50 is that meeting a match relies more heavily on other factors than it once did, not a bad thing really.

I haven’t read the article but I think people are attracted to different things, age doesn’t necessarily bother some people, in fact some men even like an older looking woman (looks over at dh)!

Having said that, I think as a society we are sadly really dismissive of older women. Looks and intelligence wise. I’ve definitely noticed that. Once you turn 45 it’s like you slowly develop a cloak of invisibility unless you make more and more effort with yourself. You can’t just fling on jeans and jumper and look amazing like you can when you’re younger. It’s hard. But then you also give less of a fuck generally. That’s nice.

Sounded like this piece

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/dating-over-50-can-we-ever-make-peace-with-losing-our-looks-wq6m0qfgd?fbclid=IwAR03P_NNGl66kz5iRIKqw5TyzLGjaxPQpzk6DS9N6GgTusE3Qu7SfSNJBmw

I too found it sad. I followed her writing as a tango dancer

More recent writings

https://drionaitalia.substack.com/?fbclid=IwAR0hPmOrOqsBwZQwS9VYLxtz5ZHOOG7yywTDBuHWUrZjqzCjzRsE3vrvI

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Yes I definitely agree. It's a shame how much pressure is placed on women with regard to ageing. It's always implied that men turn into these defined, handsome silver foxes when it's really not the case, many men over 40 are balding (not that there's anything wrong with that, overweight and have really let themselves go!
I agree it's all relative though. I'm 32 but to an 18 year old male I'm probably considered ancient, to a 50 year old man I'm very young!

She pursued a guy this sounds a bit off putting. I think that was the issue rather than her age.

The correct way to do things is to get really drunk and fall on top of each other, then repeat. Not engaging in 'pursuit'.

Yes, it's that one! Thank you

I'm not really sure how it happened, it just says they spent a lot of time together as friends, then he 'let her down gently '

can’t just fling on jeans and jumper and look amazing like you can when you’re younger.

I never looked great and always just flung on jeans and jumper.

Now in my sixties, I have learned how to dress and groom myself so I can look what society considers 'looks good'

Doesn't matter a d#%m to me still. I consider myself privileged for not caring. It's made my life so much easier. I'm always sorry when I meet other women whose time is wasted on looks.

She's 10 years older, he is not obliged to date her to stop her feeling bad about her age. Maybe she needs to try dating people her own age rather than blaming this on an anti ageing attitude. I would not fancy a man 10 years older than me - bit different if we'd been together for 30 years, but for a hypothetical date, no chance.

I wanted to stay with him for ever. I would have married him there and then...I may look from the outside like a carefree single person but, in my heart, I am a wife.I

I imagine it was her blatant neediness that put him off, not her looks.

I think that unfortunately men are biologically 'programmed' to find young ladies attractive, but realistically not that many 45+ year old males are going round dating 20 years olds except for Leonardo DiCaprio.

Can you imagine a man being sad that a woman ten years younger than him found him unattractive? Well, I can imagine it - easily! - but my point is we wouldn't have much sympathy for him! Such is life!

Let's be honest - in terms of sexual attraction, young, fertile women will always be seen more desirable to men. I'm talking generally here - of course there are exceptions.
However, I know many women in their 50s and above who've formed happy and long lasting relationships. A lot of older men realise they are not spring chickens themselves and they have more in common with a woman their own age (not to mention the fact that no 20 year old would want to date them!).
My DH is younger and it's something I think about, especially as I'm now 48. However I know he loves me and that were happy together. It is what it is. If he chooses to run off with a younger model and throw away all we have then that's his loss.

Yep.

I think this is true. I think it’s a biological thing, as humans we are programmed to some extent to want to reproduce. Youth and fertility is a big thing.

I am mid 40s and dh is quite a bit younger than me. I’ve always fancied younger men. I am always a bit 😳 when women my age fancy men older than them - I was reading an article about the shepherdess woman from the tv the other day who’s the same sort of age as me as she goes for men in their late 60s / early 70s 😳 - her ex was 68ish and her new boyfriend is 71 😳 I mean she clearly has a type. Fair enough. But to me that would be like dating my dad. I guess that’s how a lot of men also feel about older women. 🙈

On the other hand, I couldn’t imagine finding a man 10+ years younger attractive. I have always been attracted to older guys. I’m 44 and find men my age and up to 60 attractive.

The advantage of looking like a sack of potatoes all your life is that the invisibility of later life comes as no shock. Welcome to my world, beautiful people!

I felt sorry for her after reading it, as her looks were clearly very important to her self-esteem. Otherwise, I think she fell in love with a younger man, who clearly enjoyed her company (they had fun on a trip together, good conversation, shared interests) and he didn't. Probably partly because of biological impulses.

I also read this and found it really sad. Interesting that comments were turned off on the article.

It's a hard one as I know what she means, I'm 42 and suddenly look very different to how I did in my 30s. Fortunately happily married but wonder how it would pan out if I was single, if I'd be "pretty enough".

However long lasting attachments aren't just based on appearance and I'd like to think a good connection would lead to attraction.

I didn't realise he was 10 years younger which I think explains a lot as not everyone finds people attractive with that age gap. Also she's quite needy!!!

I think she still looks beautiful in the 'now' picture of her, she has great skin.

She has a PhD too, she's got a lot going for her.

That made me laugh! I have to admit I thought the same. This is only a problem for the beautiful ones as they finally face the truth the rest of us did a while ago.

I'm another one who was never a 'looker', always the one overlooked for my prettier friends, and however much energy and money I spent on trying to look good I still looked like my dad in drag.

But now, over 60, I am practically beating men off with a stick. Achievement and confidence, plus still having a figure (more by luck than anything else) seems more attractive to men over, say 40, than a pretty face or any glamour.