AIBU to be annoyed at my mum/others?

[Littlemissdj]

I’m 4 months pregnant with my first. Before my 12 week scan only my mum, sister and best friend knew and my DP told his dad.

My mum told my stepdad (we’re close but not that close) when I was 8 weeks. I didn’t really care that she had as was going to tell him anyway, she told her close colleagues, my aunt, couple of cousins also and she let me know she had. I’ve seen my stepdad since a fair few times and he hasn’t said anything to me. In my head he knows so why would I say? I have a small bump so he can see. I was slightly annoyed my mum was sharing my news before I had but I got over it I put it down to her being excited.

My Dsis regularly hears my mum talking about me to my stepdad and him about me mentioning the pregnancy and my mum and aunt have the same conversations. Anyways my 12 week scan was a month ago now and I shared the news on my Instagram on 17 April. My Dsis has now text me saying that my stepdad is mad and shit talking me because I didn’t tell him and I’ve gone and posted it on social media for “attention”. Other family my mum told and ones she didn’t are also pissed off I didn’t tell them. In my head she told them so took that away from me to share the news myself.

side note - I closed myself off a few years back from my family who I was always close with because I was caring for my DH who had stage4 cancer and passed away, I didn’t hear anything from them at all but I should be sharing this news directly with them before I shared with everyone else.

AIBU - to be annoyed at my family/ mum
YANBU - You should have told your family regardless before sharing on social media

Forgot to mention my mum is now saying you should have told everyone regardless of how I feel towards them or what she has already said and saying I’ve acted badly?

it is not about them op.
it is your pregnancy.
how dare they

Yanbu they are why are they all pretending effectively they didn’t know?! Seems to me they are trying to make something out of nothing to ruin your excitement.

I would keep a real good distance tbh.

YANBU. Tell them to stop being drama queens and that you don't need the stress.

Step away from that toxic family op.

Your family sound batshit, you haven't done anything wrong. I agree with others, distance yourself from them.

Are they generally looking for an argument types?

Had your mum told them to pretend they didn't know so they think you do t know they know?

She must have told them not to tell you they knew.

Just tell them you know they knew and you're not prepared to play games.

How fucking exhausting.
I don’t know how you can be bothered to even raise an eyebrow.

Can you not just ignore and crack on. Grey rock them.

It sounds like high school, does it matter who said what to who and when??

Just crack on with your business, let them crack on with theirs.
Don’t be annoyed with anyone, don’t go over shit that doesn’t matter because it’s done and you have more important stuff to be getting on with.

I'd probably have at least told my step dad myself before social media. But that's just me. (I know your mum had already told him, but the fact his wasn't mentioning it suggests he was waiting for you to 'offically' tell him).

Flip it around- he'd known for approx 9 weeks and never acknowledged it.

your mum is married or at least lives with your stepdad
so she was bound to tell him.
they are being pathetic.

Ignore them. It sounds like behaviour of kids! They knew, they didn't mention it either. Be careful though - I wouldn't be sharing anything until I was was ready in future - your mum does seem to overshare.

They sound exhausting and your mum does not respect your privacy. I suggest you forget about them and step back for your own sanity if they are this crazy before the baby is even born. I think if your mum had not been telling them all behind your back then sharing the news with close family/friends before putting it on social media is polite. As it is they already knew anyway.

Sounds like a good opportunity to distance yourself from your wider family. Let your mum fill them in and just be careful you don’t tell her anything you wouldn’t want others to know.

They sound juvenile, narrow minded and bitchy. How can you stand all of the school yard 'he said she said' bullshit from them? Just go low contact with them all, tell your sister to stop stirring and stay off social media.

My step dad was with my mum since I was about 1 and I didn’t tell him individually. However he did say congratulations. This is the normal way round.
so sorry to hear about your dh. You’ve had so much to deal with. You don’t need these small minded easily offended people tattling.

Sorry, I may be reading this wrong but your husband died and these people weren't there for you? If that's correct you owe them no more courtesy than a casual acquaintance. Cancer tells you who the good people are in your life; I don't think that's a lesson it would be sensible to forget.

I can see making a silly performance of formally telling a beloved relative who just had some minor drama llama tendencies but not these people. They think they can be part of the nice stuff but leave you in the lurch when you really need some support - that is so far from how families should work that other social norms no longer apply to them.

How do you know they are annoyed with you? If they tell you directly, say "but mum already told you 9 weeks ago" and if your mum says they are annoyed say "remind then you told them 9 weeks ago". I might throw in "It's a shame you aren't happy for us" to leave them grappling with explaining their behaviour.

This says it all really. Your family sound batshit

Thanks for the replies! I really was beating myself up that I had done something really wrong. I spoke with my partner this morning and he said they were being ridiculous.

I had already distanced myself from most of them after DH died and didn’t hear a peep from them.

I will just let them get on with it and feel annoyed if they want to.